Okay, One more question?

Question

My husband recently decided on a whim to buy a new couch for the house..When Iasked him where he got all the money he was sudeley spending he informed me that he had taken out a loan at the bank...When I asked how much of a lone and he told me 3,000....However he left his recent credit report sitting on the table and he really took out a 5,000 loan....Am I wrong for being upset...I thought when two people joined there lives threw marriage, Decissions such as this were to desused and agreed apon...He lies about everything; What time he has to go to work, Where he's been...the list goes on...Any insight?

Answer 1

Personally, I would be livid.

DId we need a new couch immediately? No discussion on style and design, length and special aspects of it?

Taking out a loan? What interest rate pover how many months? And why $5K? Is the couch closer to $5K but he doesn't want to tell you?

I do not wish to raise a red flag, but this may just be the tip of the iceberg

Answer 2

A question once asked on a college exam I took asked, "would you hire a thief who was a liar or a liar who was a thief" . Can a man ever be trusted who consistently lies and cant tell the truth no matter what? Are you better off with or without him? Only you can answer this, you have to live with all the lies. Maybe with professional counseling he can overcome his habit but thats not guaranteed not even if h admits he has a problem. A marriage will not last without complete trust. Foryour questions the answer is yes, once united thru holy matrimony, spouses are supposed to share equally all marital decisions such as financial dealings, bills, cildren, etc. Not that that equality happens 100% of the time but at least the majority of it. Hell, eventhe courts divide equally all marital assests in divorce court the best they can. You need to make a decision here based on his lies and your trust of him and go from there. Tell him exactly how you feel and that if it doesnt stop immediately that your moving on without him. Good luck

Answer 3

Woah.. Yeah you have every right to be upset. Marriage is about making decisions (Especially money ones) together. I have a question though, do you all share bank accounts? If so then you need to contact the bank and find out what the policy is for missing a payment - if he misses is it going to be reported on your credit too? I'd then start asking my husband questions - What did he think he was gonna spend the 5000 on, What did he need that couldn't have waited or been discussed together and then I'd bring up the lying and ask why he feels he needs to lie about everying. Unless he's a compulsive liar (which it almost sounds like he could be) most people lie to cover up something so what is he trying to cover up? Now if he's compulsive I'd see about getting some help - I wouldn't however ignore the lying issue and let it continue because eventually it will just be bigger and worse things.. Dont forget to call the bank :)

Answer 4

There's a communication issue, a trust issue and a money issue.

These are the big three that lead to divorce.

If he is doing this behind your back then there is no agreement on spending or furniture. It sounds like he may have tried to talk to you in the past, he decided that you were not going to come to some middle ground, so he's heading out to do it on his own.

OR - he's an independent guy who just doesn't see the need to bother you with details.

Either way you need to confront him and talk to him about it.

Now.

Answer 5

Earl is right, you got more then just that happening, you really need to get a hold of him and try to find out what other stuff he has going on and what he owes out..This does effect you and he could be getting you both into deeper debt...so put your foot down now and get to the bottom of it. ( he has a problem and needs help, your help or even professional help )
Marriage is about working together and he needs to see this. At least if you have to end it you can say you tried, and not feel so bad about the ending, just angry.

Answer 6

You need marriage counseling. I would be so angry if my husband took out a loan with out telling me. My sister in law was married to a man that sounds like your husband. When she finally seperated from him she found out that he had a whole bunch of little loans and credit cards she never knew about. And since they were married at the time that banks and credit card companies started threating to come after her.

I would find out about all the skeletons in his closet. And if therapy doesn't work call 1-800-DIVORCE.

Answer 7

You really don't trust him at all, do you? That's not a good marriage. If he lies then you should get rid of him. You can't be with someone you don't trust. Now you're responsible for the loan too. Do you know that? Be careful and get out before he gets any deeper into debt.

Answer 8

talk to him and let him know that the loan was for 5000 and not the 3000 that he had stated and also ask him why have he not being truthful about the other things you stated above and he need to be truthful this time around and he can pay back the loan by himself sense he had to go and get it is secret and lied about the full amount.

Answer 9

From your past questions, it seems that this guy is just ridiculous. He cheats, he sneaks and lies and now he is hiding money etc. Make plans to leave him and go home. Start a new life before this one gets worse.

Answer 10

definately underlying issues but it may not always be what most people tend to think straight off, try asking him about it why he does lie, why he feels he needs to; be understanding and stay calm with his responses as can cause conflict.

If worse comes to worse could try councelling together might work better if not look for the door.