He left me and 2 kids a year ago and he was the one having the affair and he is the one who filed for divorce, not me. We no longer can talk at all and I've tried and tried to just talk normal without bitterness and he can't do it. He is short, rude and for the 1st time in 17 yrs has called me names like loser & free loader and I don't understand why he has so much anger towards me. He is the one who brought on this nightmare we are going through. It hurts to hear him speak this way and it hurts to see what kind of person he has become. He is not the same man we lived with a year or so ago.
2007-05-18 05:17:32 · 13 answers · asked by Gettcha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok Sgt Casy this is for you...no I'm not a freeloader, I have worked full time for 17 years and took care of our house and the main care taker of our children any way if I didn't whats wrong with being a house wife?? I've been both at the same time our entire marriage and stood by his side and took the lesser job so I could care for the house & kids so we could concentrate on him rising up the ladder which he did and makes 5-6 times my income now I feel burned.
2007-05-18 05:30:19 · update #1
Just a note; neither of us speak poorly about each other in front of the kids, that was something we agreed on, we both adore them as they do us.
2007-05-18 05:38:43 · update #2
There are no good answers here. I suspect that he is riddled with guilt. He has to convince himself that this whole mess is not his fault, therefore (in his mind) it is your fault. He will make up all kinds of crazy things about you in order to justify what he has done. The most important thing that you can do right now is "do not buy into anything that he is saying". Your self esteem is your best defense, keep it healthy. This is not your fault, remember that!
2007-05-18 05:26:34 · answer #1 · answered by mammy 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Need more information. Are you a freeloader? Do you work, or are you trying to live off his money? Have you said anything to the kids about him? Have you been talking behind his back?
There's usually more than one side to a story...
Addendum:
Hey all I did was ask for more information to give you an honest opinion. Your own anger and bitterness is pretty evident in your response. Makes me wonder just what went on between the two of you before he split since you seem to be blaming everything on him and not owning any of the responsiblity yourself.
Sorry, but it takes 2...
2007-05-18 05:23:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's angry about what has occured before this point and what has led him to make the decision.
If he chose to leave you and the children, then it is what led him to that decision that has him so angry.
I have to say, your inability to recognize this basic concept makes me wonder exactly what was going on between the two of you. Clearly he was so unhappy he had to file for divorce and you don't seem to have the least understanding as to why.
You were with him for 17 years and didn't know he was unhappy?
That would make me angry too. If you don't have the least understanding for how the person with whom you're living feels, how can you even claim to be in a relationship?
2007-05-18 05:35:34 · answer #3 · answered by Michael F 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you worried about this man who has no consideration for you or your kids? Not that you have to hate him, but obviously he is not going to be there for you and the kids, and he is having some struggle in his life which is making him try to justify his own actions (which cannot be easy, as I am sure he is aware that he was wrong to have an affair!), so he covers you with his bile to make you unattractive to him because he has to have a reason to leave you or he must accept that he is less than a man.
Ignore him, and make sure you don't ever speak poorly about him to the kids. They are smart enough to see what is going on, and saying dishonest things (either good or bad) about him will only lower your credibility. Just remember -- your kids are your kids, not your pals or confidants. Never discuss your frustration with him to them -- that is why you have friends.
I am sorry for your loss.
2007-05-18 05:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by drg20202004 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lots of men think the money and assets they earned while married should be theirs and theirs only. Apparently anything you have done during the marriage did not contribute to the family in any way, shape or form.
My guess is he isn't getting any sex and is annoyed by it and taking it out on you.
My BIL's ex-wife was apparently the same, although there was no cheating going on. She demanded the divorce and he gave her virtually everything just to get it over with. She continued to carry on when he married my sister, 12 years after the divorce! Her kids finally caught on and gave her the cold shoulder, so I guess she is much better now. Some people just need to blame someone and they fixate on it.
2007-05-18 05:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
his way of feeling better about himself reflects on the behavior /attitude he gives you.. In other words , he feels like crap so he lashes out on you to make himself feel better.
By the way , do not blame yourself for his actions .. They are his and you didn't cause them and you most certainly cannot fix them.
Its sad to see a person go through such changes after being with them for sooo long . I am deeply sorry that he is treating you this way .
My best advice would be to let him know that you are not going to tolerate such rude behavior... You have got to stand up for yourself and your children.
If he cannot act like a human being around you , stay away from him.. People with negative and mean attitudes bring others down and can actually cause depression and anxiety . etc,....
I would distants myself from him unless he complies with your request.
I hope I could help hun and I am again soooo sorry that you have to got through this.
Its all gonna be ok thou.. Have faith and be strong . You are worth more than what he is obviously giving ...
May you find peace and love that loves you back :)
2007-05-18 05:34:27 · answer #6 · answered by Joann 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He have been given caught! adult adult males do no longer desire to get caught. some think of that's an success. on the different hand, in keeping with hazard he predicted you to no longer have the skill to bypass on so extremely and he's hurting. another theory, he would have found out how stupid he become, and is now caught in a plenty worse subject. you notice he can't believe himself, so how can he believe her. she will't believe him, because of the fact he cheated on you together with her!!! What is going around, comes around!!! lol
2016-12-29 11:09:52 · answer #7 · answered by carnohan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you see what his problem is? He is feeling so guilty and he's taking it out on you, but your letting him. Tell this jerk that you should only get together for those children and if he cannot act like a man, then make sure you and your children have nothing to do with him.
Get your self control and self respect and tell that guy to get a life.
2007-05-18 05:22:56 · answer #8 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best revenge is living well. Set boundaries, and start your new life without him. Do what's right for your kids and everything will turn out ok. GL!
2007-05-18 05:22:25 · answer #9 · answered by bresmama 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He lashes out at you because he is a loser. I'm serious, watch doctor Phil. People that treat other people like crap do it because they are unhappy with themselves.
2007-05-18 05:21:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋