Is it wrong not to care about the well being of your childs mother?

Question

My husbands ex girlfriend /mother of his other children and his family seem to think that whenever there is something wrong with his ex, he should come running. For example someone stole the radio out of her car and she told his family she knew who it was. When they told my husband and he just shrugged his shoulders they got mad because he wouldn't go beat the guy up. And the same guy she cheted with when they were together, now smacks her around. My husband doesn't care but his family thinks he should. I could see if she were on her deathbed buthe and I feel she is no longer his concern, only the kids. What do you think?

Answer 1

I don't think he should have to do anything about the car radio but if her partner is abusing her, your husband should care. Does he not care that his children are in an abusive environment? What if her partner abuses their kids?

Even if her partner doesn't hit their children, just being around such abuse can affect them negatively.

Answer 2

If her boyfriend beats her up in front of the kids I would be concerned and go over there and do something about it (you don't want you kids seeing mom getting beat up)..
Actually, when it comes to violence & kids being involved, I would wonder WHY your husband isn't a little worried (not as much for her, but for the kids). So on that note, I can't side with you there...
BUT...
with the other mundane things (car sterio being stolen) I don't see why your husband should care. These are problems that her new boyfriend should work out, and aren't your husbands problems anymore.

Unfortunatly since they have kids, they're pretty much tied to each other for life in that way. And anything that includes the kids' well being is both their concerns (even if that concern is mommy being beaten up).

Answer 3

Yes, it is wrong to not care about the well being of your child's mother. The reason is simple: the well being of the mother has a direct impact on the child. Not caring for the mother would be the same as not caring if something traumatic happened to the child.

That said, there is a point at which it is not really a matter of caring and not caring. Running over every time the mother needs something is not a sign of caring, it is a sign of enabling. Allowing someone to take advantage of your kindness is not a good lesson to teach your child, either. Neither is illustrating to them that you should always rely on others to take care of all your problems.

There is a happy medium to be found here, and your husband needs to find it. If she is being smacked around, those kids are next. His child's well being is at stake as much as the mother's. I think he is being really selfish (about not caring that she is being beaten, not about the radio).

Answer 4

There is a huge difference in her well being and the fact that her radio got stolen. That should not be his concern. Yes I agree that if it was her health or if her life was in danger he should be concerned but only for the sake of his children. Knowing that if anything was to happen to their mother they would be upset which he doesn't want. I feel like he should only be concerned if it affects his children in any way. I doubt the radio affected the children that much.

Answer 5

He shouldn't have to take care of her. The kids and their safety should be his priority. Now if the new boyfriend is slapping her around then that effects the children and yes he may have to get involved to make sure the kids aren't being harmed. What goes on between him and his babies mother really doesn't concern you. Unless he is cheating. If he is stepping up and helping her out that's his choice. Leave him be he is looking out for the interest of his children. Sounds like you may be a little jealous of her getting the attention you think you should have. That's what happens when you date someone who has children with someone else. She will ALWAYS be in his life. If you can't handle that then i suggest you move on.

Answer 6

I have to agree with you. The ex is no longer your husband's concern however I would have your husband address the guy hitting her because if they have kids together how long before he starts hitting your husband's kids. Im not saying the husband should go after the other guy I am saying that maybe he should go to court with proof and get the kids out of the house till the mother wakes up and realizes what she is putting her kids through as well as herself.

Answer 7

What his family is doing is gossiping... Since he has a child with her, he should tell his ex that he cares about the environment that his child is in and if there is a situation that endangers his child's safety/wellbeing to call him directly... And ask her politely to stop going through his family... He shouldn't be heartless cause she is the mother of his child, but radio theft should not be of his concern... It's hard accepting an ex into your life, but it's easier to care about them and have a civil relationship... It only makes it easier for the child... Good Luck

Answer 8

He should definitely care about his children! You shouldn't even have to ask this question. This ex is obviously not taking care of these children as stable mother if they are living with her and some guy is smacking her around.

Why wouldn't you and your husband want to save those children? That is his responsibility and yours now that you married him. Get those children away from this unfit mother.

Answer 9

You're absolutely right. When you divorce someone, that means the ties of responsibility to that spouse are broken, and done. The children are your husband's concern, not his. Like you said, if she was deathly ill, and this clearly would effect his children and they're emotional well-being, it would be one thing for him to go fix her flat on the way to chemo treatments, but it's totally another for her to call him every time she can't have a bowel movement. My husband's ex did this and it drove me nuts. She finally stopped when she found someone else, but your husband should be the one to remind his family that he is divorced from her, and only attached to her for the reason of dealing with her for the kids. She is a grown woman and very capable of taking care of herself, or calling the police and saying someone took my radio. She cheated and it ended the marriage in divorce, so he is not obligated to be her provider, handyman, or body guard anymore. It's one thing for his family to still care about her if she was "in the family" for a while, and because she is still the mother of his children, but it's another for them to expect him to still play husband to her. Maybe you'll get lucky, and she'll finally find somebody to take care of her like she wants somebody to do, and he'll be left alone. Good luck.

Answer 10

If her new bf is abusing her, it is his concern. His kids are seeing this. If you know that he doesn't care about his ex, then you have nothing to worry about. It sounds like the issue is with his family. If they like her more than you, there isn't much you can do about it. Don't worry so much about what they think and say. Be happy with your husband and child.