I work over 50 hours/week. I do all the laundry, dishes, sweeping, and mopping. I also bring home most of the $ we have. If I do something little, like not making the bed because I've got to rush to work, he FLIPS out on me and we almost break up. What can I do to make him happy?
2007-05-18 04:47:21 · 13 answers · asked by lizzyj 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Demand him to make the bed! Tell him if he wants you to make that bed instead of rushing to your job, say "OK, I'll make the bed, but then you rush to my job".
It's obvious, he's disrespecting you and he's using "household chores" to control you. Do not let him control anything about you and never let him tell you what to do. If you're taking care of things already, then continue to do it at your own pace. You don't have to answer to anyone, especially your boyfriend. If he doesn't like it, tell him to hit the door. That's when he will respect you.
2007-05-18 05:14:00 · answer #1 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make him happy if he is obssessive / controlling / overbearing to begin with. Is it about making the bed - or is it about control, and letting you "know your place"? I don't know the whole situation, of course - so forgive me if I'm off the mark here - but it seems to me that you asking a question of how can YOU make HIM happy is a part of the problem. If your mission in life is to keep making him happy at all costs, he will be taking advantage of it - just as he's doing now.
Maybe you guys just aren't a good match. Do you, yourself, feel that you are an inadequate housekeeper? I know I am; I've always been really bad at keeping the house clean, and I know this about myself. The solution for me and my husband was hiring a maid to come in a couple of times a month to do the mopping, the dusting, the kitchen, the bathrooms - and we try and keep things reasonably clean in between. But there's certainly no expectation for everything to be spotless or perfect - my husband leaves his dirty socks on the floor, and I leave dishes in the sink; neither of us makes the bed. I simply couldn't live with a clean-freak, they would be disgusted by my relaxed attitude towards cleanliness; luckily, my husband is about average in his cleaning habits.
I think, you need to make it less about "making him happy", and more about being yourself. Slowly establish new expectations; nip the "flipping-out" behavior in the bud. Cut him some slack, but demand the same from him. There's nothing wrong in admitting your weaknesses (like, not being a superwoman who can work 50 hours a week, AND have the spotlessly clean house at all times) - and there's also nothing unreasonable in expecting him to be tolerant and accepting of these weaknesses. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and ask for respect and patience.
2007-05-18 12:54:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all; you have it backwards. He should be worrying about what to do to make you happy. If you are working and doing all the housework then you could cut the amount of housework by ejecting him from the house. Why should you pick up after El Slobbo, feed him, work to support a household, etc. Wake up and kick his worthless a s s out; he can just find another live in sex slave to take care of him.
2007-05-18 11:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi...
you are not responsible for anyone's happiness except YOUR OWN.
you seem to be a slave to making someone else happy.
... if you don't have time to make the bed, and someone else doesn't like it, they have the option to make it themselves, or live with it unmade. it's not a crisis or a big deal. anyone who FLIPS OUT because of an unmade bed is a little nutty...
maybe it's time to stop the caretaking and pamper yourself a little... do things YOU like to do... stop everything and take care of YOUR feelings, wishes and desires. make YOU happy.
CARETAKING is doing something for others with an outcome in mind - they will love us, approve of us, give us attention, give us money, and so on. It is giving to get something back, as opposed to giving for the joy of giving.
When we give from our wounded self, we are always giving to get something in return. This form of giving is manipulative because it always has an expectation attached of what the other should give back to us. We believe others owe us when we give from our wounded self, and we may feel angry and used when we don't get back what we expect. Whether we are giving compliments, attention, money, sex, time, food, presents, and so on - if we have an expectation of how the other should respond to our giving, we are caretaking.
hugs
2007-05-18 12:19:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if this has been going on for awhile, I'd say one of two things, either put your foot down and explain you can't get to everything at once and ask him to help, and if he's that selfish, you want to get your ducks in a row and move on with your life. Who needs that kind of headache, you know? Good luck!!
2007-05-18 12:18:11 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not even a mother should be treated like that... I am a mother and I would kick my boy out if he starts treating me like a maid...specially if he is not paying me $$ for my work.
Look for someone who goes out of his way to make YOU happy? Love is precious, don't waste it on someone who doesn't love you and/or appreciate you.
2007-05-18 12:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by Karla T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never make a guy like this happy! He should be helping out too!
2007-05-18 11:50:27 · answer #7 · answered by karenhar 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you can do to make HIM happy, but I do know what you can do to make YOU happy--kick him out. He sounds controlling. By the way, why isn't he helping out?
2007-05-18 11:54:45 · answer #8 · answered by NC Mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing. Get rid of him, you don't need someone negative like that. He will always find something to complain about.
2007-05-18 11:51:20 · answer #9 · answered by Earl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick his butt to the curve or get him 2 more wives(if you have kids together)? The choice is yours.
2007-05-18 11:57:56 · answer #10 · answered by Kool Breeze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋