I feel really awful about myself... any advice?

Question

my skating pal told me that she landed her double toe and her axel on dry land (i can't land them yet). she gets lots of additional help apart from lessons, such as a coach who helps her with her stretches and moves (for which i have no time, nor money). she keeps telling me how amazing it is for her to be able to do what she does, since she started skating later than i did. i can do some things better than her, such as centering spins, but it’s not good enough for me. there's nothing i love more than skating, and i put everything into it. but apart from skating i have to stay in school, and my good marks bring me some extra money, which help pay for my lessons. it just seems unfair that she gets everything and i'm stuck. it will be really hard for me to skate with her when we resume lessons (we had to take a break). i just want to be the best at what i love the most. and plus, i got a new haircut, and it’s awful. i feel really horrible about myself. any advice?

Answer 1

i can certainly identify with the bad haircut thing honey! my hair got murdered by a walmart beautician last month who must have been having a bad day! the good news is that hair grows back!!! mine is growing back again and i found another lady who trimmed it properly so it could grown back evenly!.


im not certain how old you are but im sure its teens so i know from my remembrance of those years how fragile the self esteem can be and how every life event seems like an all or nothing situation but its not . its a time in which you are testing your abilities and your peers, your friends opinions matter so much to you as they do all throughout life but maybe not with this same all or nothing intensity .


your friend seems to be bragging and showing off in subtle and not so subtle ways designed to make herself look like the girl on top of things and you the admiring low guy or gal on the pole here! believe it or not thats a sign of deep insecurity too and most likely her self esteem is just as shaky and perhaps more so because of this need to be number one especially in front of her friend.

shes being unkind to you too and you are allowing her acheivements to cast a shadow on your own and mixing it all up. you may be facing some hurdles but you have one thing she does not have. you are absolutely in love with skating and this is the most important strength you have to keep your determination and drive going and this love of skating will keep pushing you forward and over the hurdles you face up ahead. if you are determined and committed money will not keep you from acheiving the goals you set completely. you may have to modify those goals to fit your life situation , you may have to delay some things longer to get where you want to be , but if you truly want this bad enough , hard work, disapline and determination plus the fuel of this passion for the sport will in the long run be what drives you into success!

even if the love of skating never evolves into a full fledged career you have the pleasure, the joy of doing sometrhing you love. i know competition is pushed alot these days and there is nothing bad about it in moderation but it needs to be placed in perspective and balanced out buy focus on other parts of your life . its ok to do something you love for no other reason then that you just love it! your self worth does NOT depend on winning or losing or comparing yourself to others though as i said, in the teen years it seems to be a huge issue but you are going to move on and grow and mature and things that now seem unsolvable and opverwhelming as if there were no answers will not seem the same later on. im 63 years old and so i speak from life experience.

Answer 2

The only reason that girl is rubbing her accomplishments in your face is because she wants you to feel bad. That's not cool. So, don't talk to her anymore. Do you know how many people wish they could skate? That's amazing that you have that amount of dedication. Plus, you have grit; to skate, do well in school, work, and practice,practice, practice....You represent a person of real substance. It's going to make you a better competitor because you understand the value of all your hard work. Keep your chin up, if you don't let her bother you, she'll stop bragging, because she will no longer have a captive audience with you. Oh, and P.S.> Your hair will grow back, in the mean time, get yourself some funky hat to make yourself fabulous! Trust me, it works.Good Luck!

Answer 3

All you can do is wait and see. You knew what you were getting into once you gave yourself to him. You knew that there may be a chance that this may be just a one time thing. Only time and actions will tell. He may be telling you the truth and really does care for you, only way to know is to see what happens and where the 2 of you go. Since the 7th have the 2 of you gone out on a date?? Has he talked with you or bought you flowers?? Does he call you?? If answer is yes then he may be true -- just dont rush or be too clingy... let nature take its course..

Answer 4

I say work hard, don't worry about what someone else has or can do. Be happy for your friend, and her accomplishments, friends are everything. Stop being envious it will only make you look shallow and bitter. Life is too short to worry about why someone is better than you. Looks like you know why, because she has a private coach. Maybe you and her can et together and she can go over the things her coach is teaching her.

Answer 5

If you really love skating, then focus on that, focus on what you can do! Please don't value yourself based on other people; there will always be someone who is "better off" or "worse off" then you, value yourself because you are you. Step by step is the way to improve, just do the best you can each and every day. The best way to feel better about yourself is to help another feel better about them-self.

Answer 6

There will always be people who are better off or worse off than you. There will also be "naturals," but even they have to work. And if you have to work for something, you'll appreciate it a lot more than if it just got handed to you on a silver platter. There are a lot of things I like to do that I know I'll never be a pro at, but I do them anyway to please myself. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not perfect--if you were, you wouldn't be human.

Answer 7

You must think positive, and stay true to yourself. Don't worry about anyone else, just worry about yourself. Just keep practicing, and working hard. Keep believing and saying to yourself that I Can Do it!! When you think negative and say you can't do something -(then you are setting yourself up for failure!) Clear your thoughts and your mind and keep believing and working hard!!!

Answer 8

I'm with Dav. Specifically, you know that there's always going to be someone with more "stuff" than you, so don't dwell on it. Take it as a given, and do what you do best.

Answer 9

Get in the habit of thinking better thoughts.