Can you write an amusing few paragraphs that include these song titles?

Question

As you MUST know by now, anything with a "Gunsmoke" theme always catches the eye of the judges!! (P.S. I ADORE Matt!)
1. Keep A' Knockin'
2. Toot Toot Tootsie Goodbye
3. I Never Promised You A Rose Garden
4. When God Fearin' Women Get The Blues
5. Baby, You Look Good To Me Tonight
6. Sunshine On My Shoulders

Answer 1

Alright, I'll give ya the surreal life of Matt Dillon. The stuff that never made it to tv. :)

It was a still calm in the air like that of a whino's breath. The man at the hotel counter told Matt Dillon that he could settle on up stairs. Matt took his leave upstairs, opened the door to a small room only fit for a circus midget he thought. No sooner had he shut the door when he heard a knock.

KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!

He opened it slightly with gun slightly pulled from its holster. He recognized the faces and opened the door, it was the Siamese twins Toot, Toot, and their dwarf friend Tootsie the three carnival girls he lost his virginity to many years ago.

"I do declare Matthew," said Tootsie the 3 foot four dwarf with bosoms like cannonballs, "It is a small world isn't it?" Matt didn't know whether to smile or ignore the comment. "I do believe you are in our room." added Toot with her hair teeming with red.

Matt looked around and surveyed the petticoats and small sized shoes strewn on the floor.

"Sorry Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am" Matt said apologetically as he tipped his hat to all three ladies. "I was a little tired and must have opened this door by accident. I better go and find my room."

"Oh marshall, you don't have to go do you?" asked the other Toot with long flowing black curly hair and one half of the Siamese twins.

"BABY, YOU LOOK GOOD TO ME TONIGHT, please stay so we can catch up on old times," replied the other Toot as she stroked his hand.

Matt looked at the floor and then to the ladies not realizing he was a little flushed on the cheeks and had pitched a tent from the proposal. "I'm very sorry ladies but I really do need to get a good night sleep. I've got an early ride ahead of me tomorrow. So TOOT TOOT TOOTSIE GOODBYE." Matt closed the door quickly and stepped down the hall and into his room.

"WHEN GOD FEARIN' WOMEN GET THE BLUES," he thought, "god help us."

The next morning Matt woke to the sound of the rooster crowing in the distance. He felt guilty about walking out on the three ladies last night rather abruptly. Afterall, he was fifteen and enthralled in a carnivalesque orgy with them, the bearded lady and the sword swallower. He had willingly surrendered his virginity that night. He got dressed and walked down the hallway to their door and knocked.

Jebidiah the hotel owner was walking up the stairs when he saw the Mashall knocking. "You can KEEP A' KNOCKIN' but I believe those three little ladies high tailed it out of here in the middle of the night without payin their bill." he explained. "My bellhop saw the little midget lady get in a wagon and leave with someone. I was just comin' up to clean the room."

He opened the door and both Matt and Jebidiah couldn't believe their eyes. The place was all torn up. The bed had been cut into pieces, feathers were on the floor, and there was blood on the floor. "Looks like there's been a killin'" Jebidiah said aloud.

"There's a note", Matt said as he picked it up from the dresser top to read it.
"My dearest Matthew.
After all we been through and me listening to your Miss Kitty stories I thought we had a connection. But alas I realized I couldn't share you with no other. A woman can't continue to live in the past. I'm tired of being only half a woman. I am going to be a full woman just for you."

Matt stopped reading as he heard a noise come from the closet. He quickly opened it to find Toot with the red hair slumped over. But where was the other half of her he thought. Toot had cut off her sisters head Toot. She was no longer a Siamese twin but a woman with just one head.

"Matt, is that you?" Toot said as she lay slumped, eyes half opened.

"Yes it is, we need to get you to a Doctor," said Matt.

"Is...that..." she continued trying to say something in the last gasping moments of her life. "Is...that...SUNSHINE... ON MY SHOULDERS?" she gasped with a breath of finality. "I've always wanted the sun to shine on my left shoulder but my sister Toot always created a shadow." Toot flopped to the floor. She was dead.

Matt carried her to the torn bed pieces and laid her there.
"Toot, I NEVER PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN but I'll get Mr. Jebidiah here to get some roses for your casket and bury you out by Ol Mc Callister's farm. Do you remember that place? That place where we picnicked and made love for fourteen hours straight while your sister watched? I'll give you a nice burial Toot."

"Jebidiah, can you grab the other head? Ready? Alright, let's Toot Toot and a way we go."

Only Matt and Jebidiah stood there by the plot as the ladies were lowered into the grave. The sun set and Matt decided to stay an extra day before heading back to Dodge.

Answer 2

There was a knockin' at the door and Annie screamed "Keep A' Knockin' at that door!" Then the man outside the door said "Baby, your the sunshine on my shoulders!" Annie open the door and said "Toot toot tootsie Goodbye Matt!" Then Annie looked the lawn over and pointed to where a few dead flowers were "I never promised you a Rose garden!" said Matt. "Seriously! When God Fearin' Women get the blues! It just horrible!" Annie looked Matt over a few times "Baby, You look good to me tonight, you can come in."

Answer 3

“Toot Toot Tootsie Goodbye!” he said as he jauntily bounced down the porch steps.

“Where are you off to honey?” she asked.

“Honey you were the Sunshine On My Shoulders all these years, but I Never Promised You A Rose Garden so I’m moving on” he replied.

“Oh Baby, You Look Good To Me Tonight, don’t go!” she pleaded.

“I feel like Mr. Opportunity to all those women out there sweetheart and I gotta Keep A’Knockin’ on all them doors!” he exclaimed.

“Well then go,” she told him. “But now I know When God Fearin’ Women Get The Blues they need to kick the cause on their a s s!” And so saying she gave him a hearty kick in the butt with her size 10 boots!

Answer 4

while he left he purely suggested "i'm going to be the place the lads are", I purely assumed he meant the bar until he got here domicile smelling like cigars and physique spray and had a stack of $a million costs in his pocket. "Is that lipstick on your collar?" I asked. stupid Cupid, why does he constantly make us fall for the undesirable boys? properly, all of us's somebody's fool, yet i'm going to be ****ed if i pass to take a seat down at domicile whilst he's staggering out on the strip golf equipment. So on the way out the door, I "by twist of destiny" keyed his automobile interior the storage and permit the dogs pass. who's sorry now? properly, i'm sorry I made you cry, yet what comes around is going around precise?