Wife begins affair with husband's friend while still living at home and then moves into her own apartment. Affair is very serious, lasts almost 6 months. Completely emotional, physical, etc. Wife is ready to leave husband for friend. Then 4 weeks ago, at the 11th hour decides to go back to husband and try to save the marriage. Both seem "sincere" about trying to fix this. She's in counseling, he's in counseling, but they're not in counseling together yet.Tells husband of affair but makes up a fake person that she had affair with. Doesn't want husband to know it's his friend. Family and her friends are willing to go along with cover-up. They're spending lots of time together, but he has stopped talking to his friends and she still talks to the friend twice a week on the phone. I have 2 questions.....
1. Will the marriage survive?
2. Will he find out who it really is, even if he's not actively pursuing it.
2007-05-18 04:11:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To add to this...her 4 best friends & some of their spouses know, her immediate family knows (Mom, Dad & 2 brothers) and although none of his friends know for sure, they all suspect that she had an affair, even though he never actually came out and said it.
2007-05-18 07:13:03 · update #1
If it does survive, it's not going to be for long. The "reconciliation" is based on half-truths that the family and friends are willing to cover up for. He'll eventually find out who it was, and it will destroy anything that was saved. He'll never trust her.
2007-05-18 04:16:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The marriage will not survive unless she is completely honest. Who's to say that things go fine and in six months the husband finds out it was the friend? He will then see that she hasn't been honest and will likely assume that there are other secrets yet to be revealed. Without that trust a marriage cannot survive. If she truly wants to rectify her marriage, she will tell all and leave the "friend" alone. Otherwise, she is not sincere.
2007-05-18 11:22:27 · answer #2 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage could survive, but in answer to question 2, he is probably going to find out. How many friends KNOW about this?? The more people that know, the harder it is going to be for the secret to be kept. The the poor guy is going to be cheated on, AND lied to. He deserves a better wife.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I have been cheated on. I have been lied to. I don't really need to deal with it, and this man shouldn't have to either. Men to have feelings, even if people don't think they do. They just don't show them as often, or sometimes in the same way as women.
Keeping the secret of WHO it was allows that door open to go back to it. That sort of secret is going to affect the marrige.
2007-05-18 11:20:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will find out, and usually at the worst possible time in the worst way. Someone will see her and her husband together and just innocently say, "I thought you were with so and so" or some similar thing, like, your boyfriend is sitting over there. I happens and trying to hide it is just another lie that will all come out at some point. Maybe she will slip up and say his name or who knows. If she wants to fix it, she has to give her husband all the truth, not just the parts she thinks he can handle. One of the big reasons people keep names of previous partners (especially in cheating situations) is that they have it back in their mind that they may just play with that person some on the side. Bad idea. Will it survive? I doubt it if she and her family are trying to cover it up, because it will get out and then he will feel deceived all over again. The explosion is coming and it will probably be bad.
2007-05-18 11:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible for the marriage to survive. It is also likely that he will find out who it is she had the affair with. I think it is great that the wife is sincere about repairing the damage to the marriage. I think the so called friend who she had the affair with is awful and needs to enter counseling himself. He is really not a friend.
2007-05-18 11:21:47 · answer #5 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage won't survive unless she is willing to tell the entire truth. Holding information back means they are already starting out based on a lie. Other people know so the husband is bound to find out sooner or later.
2007-05-18 11:16:25 · answer #6 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that old poem that goes "What a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive..." quite honestly by lying about it she is not being honest, not being fair and still going behind her husband's back, if others know there is always the danger of them telling, either on purpose or by accident. Far better to be honest and start with a clean slate, sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.
2007-05-18 11:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the marriage can survive and yes he well find out soon enough .he should lose the friend and let the wife no that there can not be any contact with the friend for there marriage sake .most well not be able to do this but to those who are committed and deter maned and forgiving they have a chance
2007-05-18 11:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by henryredwons 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't marriage based on trust? Even after she cheated, she's still not being honest about who it was with. If he finds out, wow......I'm sure he'd NEVER be able to trust her again....given she lied to him again when she was trying to reconcile. There's ALWAYS the possibility that he'll find out. She'll feel like she always has to look over her shoulder. She should come clean and be honest. Better for him to find out now than later.
2007-05-18 11:42:05 · answer #9 · answered by sassysusie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will find out, and the marriage will not last. Counseling is a crock, it doesn't work and she is still lying to him.
Tell him the truth, he deserves that much.
2007-05-18 11:16:04 · answer #10 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋