why do you feel the need to cheat?

Question

I've sat here and read several stories about people who feel the need to cheat. My personal opinion is if anyone is not happy in their marriage/relationship for one reason or another have the decency to tell ur mate, preferrably before cheating. If ur out there already doing it then why bother to ask for help on this forum? U apparently know it's wrong already so what do u all expect from us really? Nobody's opinion really counts but your own so why r u really wasting our time and energy? If u feel what ur is aok why r u bothering to ask other peoples opinions? I don't mean to be judgemental, but if ur cheating now or plan to then u already know what could happen when your mates find out! This forum is for those people that trully want help w/serious issues. Cheating is not a serious issue especially when it is happening all the time and most people with a conscience know it is not ok EVER no matter how you word it or put your own spin on it to make it seem like its ok!

Answer 1

gee_707, if your view of marriage is as common as I think it is, it's no bloody wonder that no one takes it seriously

Responding to anything2pleaseU's answer:
"Why do people assume that if you cheat, you are not happy in your marriage? I love my wife. I would never leave her. It's not about being happy, in love, or what my wife looks like. It's because men want sex with different women. When you have sex with the same woman for years it becomes routine even if your wife is hot. New sex is much hotter than the sex you have with your wife. The woman I cheated with was the sexiest woman I have ever met and was fantastic in bed. I didn't leave my wife for her. I just loved the sex."

Honey, I'm a firm believer in mankind's non-monogamous streak, and my husband and I are happily married AND non-monogamous. But you're just screwing yourself. There is no WAY that you can tell yourself that it's okay that you lie to your wife. And if you tell yourself it's okay because what she doesn't know won't hurt her, you have your head buried in the sand. She knows. At some level, she knows. Even though she may deny it. If you can describe sex with other women being hotter than sex with your wife, you can't hide that from her. She WILL find out, and then you'll get to have "hot sex" with other women as much as you like, and you won't have to bore yourself with her anymore.

I couldn't care less that you have sex with other women, because that's part of my own marriage, and I love it. What I care about is that there is a woman that you are supposed to be watching out for...a woman who has a reasonable expectation that you will be honest with her and will look out for her when she's not there to look out for herself...and you are f*cking that trust she gave you in the a**. I care that you are lying. THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE GOOD ENOUGH TO LIE TO YOUR SPOUSE, AND CHEAT BEHIND THEIR BACK. NONE, NOT EVER.

Answer 2

I'm glad you dont work for lifeline or some other suicide prevention program!
Problems seem so insignificant, the solutions so clear when your're not in the middle of it all. I'm ashamed to say I got caught up in cheating...and caught out. What I would give to do a 'back to the future' role and warn myself about the consequences even though I 'knew' what they already were. Men do think different to women, are more impulsive and make rash decision in sexual areas. I am not defending the cheater. I do agree with the sentiment of you and the other answers, but heck, if someone was deliberating over cheating on their spouse - posted here (cry for help) then YES I would warn them, tell them not to be an assh*le forever, that life will stop and the earth will crumble (for them) when the spouse (and they will) find out. I simply wished I had aired my intentions on a forum like this so I could receive the kick in the bum from the readers. Then I'd be happily in a marriage instead of living through the post apocolyptic nightmare after the affair.

Answer 3

A) I feel cheated about FL and MI. Donna Brazile is a huge Obama supporter who was really pushing to disenfranchise them early on in the year. She succeeded. At the convention, she was very vocal about making sure neither state got full votes and everyone counted as 1/2 person. Iowa, New Hampshire, and either North or South Carolina moved their primaries up too, but only the two states expected to go for Hillary were disenfranchised. B) She's not dropping out. She's suspending her campaign and keeping her delegates until the convention. She'll stay on the down low until then in case something major comes out to disqualify Obama. It's unlikely, but it's better than her cashing all the delegates in. Suspending, not conceding... supporting, not endorsing. :) C) I'm upset we don't have winner-take-all primaries like the Republicans. If that were the case, Hillary would've been the nominee by Super Tuesday. I also hate the caucuses. Sure, the DNC pays for them and it's cheaper for individual states, but people without the time and money (single moms taking care of their kids, the working class on a second shift, the elderly - Hillary's supporters) can't caucus. There was also a lot of cheating and foul play by Obama's supporters - locking out Clinton supporters, reporting Obama got 19 delegates in one precinct when he only got 4, etc. A huge mess. If we had all primaries, Hill would've been the nominee.

Answer 4

Your opinion of it not being a serious issue is brain dead. It is the one item that 80% of all married people will encounter in their marriage whether they know about it or not. That sound serious. And as to why? It is called biology. The human species, especially the male is poygamous. It is biology and for the last billion years or so the male of all species has been polygamous. Just because an upstart religion 1000 years ago decided that humans had to be monogamous does not mean that it will change the basic structure of the hman species. Grow up.

Answer 5

I have never cheated, but I would say that I have felt some urge to. Why? The last time I had _any_ sexual activity with my wife was ... hmm... march 2006. Yes, there was a child born in that span ... but the birth was over 8 months ago. I realize my wife is tired, but I find it hard to believe she can't summon the energy to give me a handjob every other month or something.

You asked, there you go. I know I'm not the only one. I've met men who haven't had sex 5 times in 5 years with their spouse. I urge all of them to consider divorce, but if there are children - who they'd almost certainly lose in a divorce - I can understand why they'd stay and cheat instead.

Answer 6

People cheat because monogamy is not in human nature. Of course, there are some people that remain faithful throughout their relationship, but the majority of these people can be categorized as serial monogamists. That is, they stay with their partner for an extended period of time until they meet someone else who they are attracted to. Not all of them, mind you, but the few that remain are the exception.

Answer 7

You are so right. People in here asking questions about cheating on their spouse are only looking for some support on the spin they have put on the question. Maybe a better answer, when you have a husband cheating is to get in the game and do a bit of it yourself....see how he likes it...................

Answer 8

thats part of being in a vanilla relationship niether have the balls to tell the other one how its gonna be therfore someones hiding in the closet with someone else, (cheating) in a DS relationship I dont have that problem I tell the girl Im getting with up front there are more women in My life then her...she then can either be a part of all that or shes gone... simple and not cheating like vanilla people do.

Answer 9

I agree....cheating is for the weak.

And just for the record, the ironic thing to me is the fact that if the cheater was cheated on, they would be devastated, thus part of the reason for going to such lengths to keep the affair hidden...it would KILL them to imagine thier spouse with someone else.

I just don't understand it.

Answer 10

Yeah! They sit there and try to make themselves feel better about destroying another person's life! ARG! if that stupid bastard would have just told me something was wrong i could have tryed to fix it! I suck at being a house wife so he has the RIGHT to go out and cheat!?!! He sucks at being a HUSBAND and i stayed true to my vows!

The nerve of some people!