Should I stay or should I go?

Question

My husband, his brother, and two sisters will be having a dinner reunion this weekend. I don't care much for his one sister, I never met the other one, I like his brother (we met once two months ago).

This reunion is for everyone because no one other than my husband and his one sister has seen each other for 22 years.
Only the sister I have not met is bringing her husband the other two are single.

Okay, scenario: My husband told my daughter it would break his heart if I don't go. He already told me he feels that I should be there for him during this happy time. I have already my desire not to go.

My husband and I are going thru a very rocky time right now and I feel wrong in going. Plus I know I won't really have much of a good time. I have already heard most of the stories and the rest I probably won't care to hear.

What would be the most respectful thing to do?

I have to add that a few years ago (when we were getting along okay) I had a reunion with my family after 20 years and he was all for being there with me. I feel obligated but yet I feel like it would be a sham supporting him at this time.

Just want to let you know that he and I are going thru the last stages. I have given him a year to change some things and visa versa or by the end of the year we sell the house and go our separate ways. This is why I am at a standstill about going.

Answer 1

You should go. Not only will you be showing support for your husband but you will be involved in this very important event that he will be talking about for years, and it will a shared memory. I am not sure if I am expressing this correctly - but I had a similar situation a few years ago - an event that my husband wanted me to go to but I really didn't feel like it - wouldn't know anybody, etc. But I went, and he loves to share stories of that night with people and I was a part of it - it brought us closer together. I will admit I did not have that great a time, but the "investment" in my marriage was worth it.

Answer 2

I think that you should go despite how badly you do not want to take part in this occasion. Despite whether or not you are both enduring some 'rocky' times in your marriage and that much of those problems are a result of things that he has either said or done, you still need to put the effort into your relationship and show him that you care too and I think this would be a really great way of proving that you care. You said that he knows that you don't want to go and that he has told your daughter that it would basically really hurt him if you didn't so what it comes down to is either a.) you having to put on a plastic smile and endure a few miserable hours with your husband's family or b.) really hurt your husband and definitely impede on a day that should be very happy for him. You also mentioned that he went to something similar for you a ways back so why not return the favor and suffer for him. I am sure that it won't be that bad and if you try to think more positively about it, perhaps you might surprise yourself and have a good time. Marriage is 50/50 and you need to give a little in order to receive a little so I truly think that you should put your own wants aside and make your husband happy. However, I think that by your reasoning in your answer that you already know deep down what you should do. Good luck and take care :)

Answer 3

You sound very selfish. So you are going through a rocky time, you didn't say you are leaving him or divorcing him, are you? If so, MAYBE you have a point. If you are trying to work things out, you being there is far more important than whether or not you enjoy it.

I would do many an uncomfortable thing for my wife if I knew it meant a lot to her. Your lack of willingness to sacrifice for him is either part of the problem or good evidence of the problems you are having.

You are right though, if you know you are leaving him, just let him in on it instead of going through a sham.

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel. I have been in that situation many times. To me this is God's way of saying it's time to end this madness of misunderstanding. You should go to support your husband, but that does not mean you have to hide what is going on between you two.

Whenever my hubby and I have been having some difficult times, it just seems that he always wanted to go see his mother or he will have me call his mother just to put our lives back into perspective.

It usually work once I get around his family, because I will tell all that he is doing wrong, but in a good way. Just let a few things sneak out so someone in his family can check him.

You should go. As far as the sister that you don't get along with kill her with kindness, it always works....lol...lol

Answer 5

You already know you need to be there for him. If you have any chance of saving your marriage you need to go and be the loyal, supporting wife. Boredom is okay. Go. Lots of spouses accompany each other to funerals, weddings, school reunions, etc. where they don't know people and are bored. But if you love your husband, you have not only the obligation to be there by his side, but you should have the urge to try to better your marriage by making him happy doing this. If your marriage is rocky, this is a chance to make him happy and, perhaps, let him see that you are willing to do something nice for him to work on your marriage. He might, then, be willing to make more of an effort to make you happy, too. I think you should go.

Answer 6

You need to go. Endure the stories and endure the evil sister. Be there at your husbands side during this time. More importantly take the time to heal the "rocky time" with your husband as quickly as you can. He shouldn't be using your daughter as a pawn in this discussion. Leave her out is what I say. But that's just me.

Answer 7

I say GO and heres why. It will only IMPROVE your already "shakey" marriage. If you are really trying then that means try 100%. Im sure that you can go and be nice and polite and smile ( even it its fake). Be big. Be 100% trying. Show your daughter a good example. have fun ( not THEN but some other time :) good luck.

Answer 8

All marriages go through rocky times. Is it your intention to divorce him if not I do feel you are obligated to go even when you know it's going to be boring. Sometimes you have to suck it up and do what's right even when it means you don't feel like it. You never know you might just connect with other members of his family and find the whole experience not as bad as you expect it.

Answer 9

i know how you feel i don't get along with my husband sisters they hate me and i don't like them either..so this is what i do..i go with my husband stay a little while and then make up and excuse to leave(my husband is in on this little white lie) we both agree to it and it has worked for the past eight years..this way i support him and nobody get hurt....so maybe you can go for just an hour and half and then leave after all he is still your friend even though you two are calling it splitsville.

Answer 10

I understand that you don't care much for his sister, but would it be that hard for you to go? Look at it this way, it may not be your choice of something to do, but it's quality time with your husband, and believe me, it's little things like that, when my wife has gone to events with me, even though I knew she really didn't want to be there, it meant alot to me that she was there with me.

No offense, but you sound really selfish.