Ok so I am 26 years old and I came out when I was 18 years old so I've been out for 7 years now...however I find myself still being hurt by my mother....I dont understand..I am very open w/ my sexuality..all my friends are lesbians...and everyone at work knows..and I dont get treated bad by anyone...EXCEPT my mother...why does it still hurt me? I know I shouldnt allow her..but she is my mother...and all i want is her to be happy for me and love me for me....today I was talking to her on the phone about my roomate and how she cheated on her girlfriend with another girl...all my roomate did was kiss another girl...i was explaining to my mom how I would never do that because that is cheating....she said...Jennifer your makeing my stomach churn....what?...why would she say that? If she were talking to my straight sister she would listen and give adivice..but because Im gay...everything I say makes her sick to her stomach....she tells me "no one really acccepts your lifestyle"..i
2007-05-18 03:25:23 · 15 answers · asked by jennaveevee25 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
hey honey, im twenty four and have known for about three years, but people have hard a huge time accepting it as im very feminine etc.. Its hard, but you know what? They are not going to be standing by your side the rest of your life?
You are going to find a partner, and soulmate who will hold you hand, someone who will be with you through all your problems, you will love someone with all you heart, you will dedicate you life to making them happy and vice versa.
You will have a loving home, and you will in turn create youi own version of your own family.
I just dont get what part of this makes someone sick??
Its just as beautiful, normal and amazing as every other form of love. I dont get why any for of love should be made 'ugly', or ridiculed.. It disgusts me.
I would say, know in your heart that you are embracing the special person you were born to be. It is rare for a person to truly accept who they are, and half the time I think that is what other people's problem is. That and total igonrance.
You are not disgusting in anyway, women are beautiful, and your mum is probably more dissapointed through ignorance, rather than 'sick' at the thought..
Good luck!! x
2007-05-18 03:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by Sophie 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋
I'm very sorry for your situation :-(
Unfortunately, you cannot make your mum accept anything, and her non-acceptance will probably always cause you some pain because she is your mum and you love her and deep down will always want her to love you unconditionally.
Being happy in your own life will lessen the pain you feel, but protecting her homophobia from challenge will only make you feel worse ~ so please don't change :-)
At base is probably the dreams she had for you, of having a nice husband and family, and finding security. She can't see how any of that can happen for you now and instead of facing her unrealistic attitude, she is making you unhappy. I doubt she realises it though, or does it deliberately.
Sometimes having a heart to heart conversation helps ~ you could ask her some time just who it is that does not accept your 'lifestyle' and why you should care? Or, is she being negative towarsd you because the fact that you are a lesbian is causing HER embarrassment among her friends?
Let her know you don't expect an answer, and avoid using it as an excuse to have a fight with her, just put it out there for her to consider.
Maybe you also need to let her know that her negative attitude will not cause you to 'convert' to a heterosexual lifestyle. You could always say things like 'Mum that makes me feel sick' when she talks about couples she knows, etc ... just to put the boot on the other foot.
Enlisting your sister's help ~ or any other family member you trust ~ to support your choices as legitimate and valid ones whenever your mother speaks about you will also be helpful, if that is possible.
Every best wish with this situation :-)
2007-05-18 03:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by thing55000 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Welcome to many people's world! I am 34, and have lived with the same woman for over 10 years,and I have never told my family for that very reason. We are all getting along now my partner is involved and treated as one of the family. This sounds cowardly, but why should my parents and every one know? What I do behind closed doors is simply no ones business. I think your mom might be using that attitude to maybe get you on the strait track. You know how moms give us guilt trips about everything and eventually we conform, or we hit the ground running regardless of opinions. Sounds like you need to keep it low key with mom because I believe she is saying these things to you to make you stop being who you are and to let you know she has not accepted it yet. Also, maybe you should talk to someone else about the girlfriend issues, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment when you tell her. Hang in there and search your soul after getting all this advice on answers. Best wishes, and I hate that your mom is that way to you; no one deserves to be treated like that especially by mom.
2007-05-18 04:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by alex grant 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The only thing you can do is explain to her that it's hurting you, it's possible she just doesn't realise the impact it has on you. Maybe subconciously she thinks the more she slags off homosexuals, the more you won't 'want to be one'. I could understand if you'd just come out but still after seven years? It needs to be sorted out and the air cleared. She's probably still in denial and clinging on to the hope you're going to become hetrosexual. Ask her to accept you for who you are and not treat you differently, she doesn't have to agree with your orientation but ask her not to take her issues with it out on you. Sounds like you need to have a ( brutally ) honest mother-daughter chat. Maybe you could agree where the limit is to talking about your personal life so she feels comfortable. You both need to consider each others feelings on this more but it's not unreasonable of you to expect more from her after seven years. Slowly convince her to spend some time with your lesbian friends and show her some of your lifestyle, maybe it's just ignorance because she doesn't understand fully.
Good Luck :)
2007-05-18 03:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
F*ck all these people. You can't help who you're attracted to. Maybe you and your mom should go see a counselor together. Talk out your issues with eachother. I'm sorry you have to go through this sh*t. Hatred towards homosexuals is like a new form of racism in my opinion, people assume you're immoral and that they have the right to judge you and make life decisions for you (if you're allowed to get married or not) based on your sexual prefrences which I know you don't choose. Could you force yourself to be attracted to another man? I mean really? Props on not blowing up on your mom, I would of by now.
2007-05-18 03:41:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 3⤋
If it bothers her, then avoid talking about those issues with her. Respect her and she will respect you. You should be able to be who you want to be and she you also have the right to not discuss those things because it bothers her. I am sorry to tell you, but she will have to live with that fact the rest of her life and you will probably will have to live with the fact that she is not happy with your orientation. IT might take her a few years for acceptance..Good luck
2007-05-18 03:30:37 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole E 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I guess that I should follow this chain of answers instead of the other one. And boy am I surprised at all the conservative members of society who have chosen to give you very unhelpful opinions and have tried to force you to follow a religious path just so that you would be comfortable with your sexuality.
Yes, it is a really sad thing when parents can't accept their children's sexuality turning out far from normal. I guess that what really sends them into that stage of being in denial is that being their children, it really effects them that their child is gay or lesbian. I think that what your mother thinks of you might be natural for her and I would not blame her. Her acceptance of your sexual orientation is definitely something that she will have to work on herself. If you can't get her to accept you for who you are then I guess patience is the only thing left for you to do and if that still does not work then you might have to move on and hope that her opinion of you will change as time passes. It is more easier for your friends to accept you for you are and also because they are like you in their sexual nature then have no problems being accepting of you, but then you have to remember that they did not give birth to you and raise you so it does not surprise them or shock them that you are a lesbian. Your mother on the other hand did these things and she definitely had no idea about the way that her daughter would turn out and I suppose she still has not recovered from the aftermath of you coming out to her. So back to my suggestion, just wait for awhile longer and see how your mother's opinion of you turns out.
By the way, I'm gay and I am still not sure if I would have come out to my parents because of fear of these sort of thing resulting from it. And I suppose they don't have to know about it because I live miles away from them.
2007-05-18 04:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by Eric 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Most likely, your mother loves you more than those other people and she still gives you a hard time because she does not want you to be engaging in the destructive activities of being lesbian. Hope that helps - have a nice day.
2007-05-18 05:43:48 · answer #8 · answered by True Grits 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Im been out for 4 years, my family are ok with it now as im now as im in a relationship and live with my girlfriend. At first my dad and sister took it really bad. My sister is like a mother to me and it really hurt me to think she wouldnt be apart of who i really was - after speaking to her and telling her how hurt i was to think shes couldnt love me to the way i was and if she couldnt see herself ever getting over it - we would no longer be family. She now attends gay pride with me every year - because she is ashamed to think the way she first treated me.
Oh and who ever replys to this message with some homophobia - dont stress over small minded bigots, they dont know you or your mother.
2007-05-18 03:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
Nobody has to accept your life style. You feel that you have the right to live your way and so does your mom. She disagrees with you but can't do it gracefully.
2007-05-18 03:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by Steven I 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋