Why is swinging worse than cheating?

Question

To expand on shdwtalker's explanation in my last question:

"In other words, cheaters tend to accept that they are running afoul of societal norms, and so society treats them like children who have misbehaved, but who know they have misbehaved: with leniency. Swingers do not care that they are running afoul of societal norms, so society treats them like unrepentant, willfully misbehaving children: with severity. "

It's a foregone conclusion that cheating is wrong and probably the most harmful thing a person can do to himself or to others. So with that in mind, please explain to me (in excruciating detail) why you think it is better to cheat than to swing? IS it actually better to lie to your spouse? Why is so wrong to be truthful...especially when it turns something that could be disastrously negative into a very positive and happy thing? Or is our happiness just a delusion? And is it a delusion because others say it is? 'Cause it sure feels real to us...

Anybody who answered this question is invited to view my 360 blog (see profile) because I don't have enough room to respond to some of the sh*t that people have been saying in here.

Answer 1

Cheating, by definition is personal gain or benefit through deceiving another. Someone gets harmed.

In swinging there is no deception. When both members of the couple are in agreement about swinging (meaning nobody's been coerced or manipulated into it) then it is something that is done as a couple, for the couple, and can be a great bonding experience for them. The relationship is on a whole new level of trust and honesty. Think about it, your spouse has had great sex with someone else and still thinks you are the best thing in the world. At this point you absolutely know they love you for who you are, not just what you could represent to them.

Cheating in harming another person. Swinging is not.

Your opinion on swinging is based on your personal beliefs regarding many factors, including religion and personal insecurity or self-esteem. Cheating is bad regardless of your personal beliefs. Swinging may be bad for some, but cheating is bad for everyone.

Now the marriage vows debate. Nowhere in our wedding vows did it say anything about not having consensual sex with other people. By definition doing so is not "forsaking" your spouse. Webster's defines forsake as: to renounce or turn away from entirely.

Swinging is not renouncing or turning away from your spouse entirely. That would be leaving them for someone else, to leave them behind. Forsake is to abandon, desert, or betray. It is not consensually having sex with other people.

Faithful? Yes, swingers are still being faithful since not being faithful means to deceive someone, which there is no deception in a good swinger relationship. To be faithful is to be loyal, devoted, honest, loving, and trustworthy. It's true. Look it up. Only when someone is "cheating" and not being loyal, honest, and trustworthy with their spouse are they being unfaithful.

My wife and I still have each other's back, and always will. We will never throw each other under the bus. Ever. We are completely loyal, honest, loving, devoted, and trustworthy with each other, therefore we are by definition, faithful.

So based on this, how could anyone logically say that swingers are not faithful and are forsaking each other. This may be an opinion some hold, but that's all it is, opinion, not fact.

Answer 2

Excellent question! It's all in the way you look at your present relationship and what you both agree and disagree about boundaries, rules and limits. I don't think it is better to cheat. The repercussions are to severe and you must take into account the children's emotional stability which will be effected if there's yelling, fighting,etc. and divorce. I also think that if your not getting your needs met at home, more than likely a person will eventually look elsewhere. Society must have laws and rules or there would be anarchy. But that don't mean a person can't pursue there interests and to en chance there sex life. Just don't put your business out on the street for public display. My wife and I are members of an exclusive private adult club and we both have some friends of opposite sex as "friends with benefits". If you can be committed to each other and not become emotional attached it will enhance your sex life at home. I look at it this way...It is like going to the amusement park and getting on the wild ride. Once the ride is over you go home , leaving the ride there. If a person must have there needs met outside the home and has to be secretive-then I say be discreet but be real too.

Answer 3

To me, as long as all people involved are alright with the situation, swinging is fine. Actually, it can be a good thing for all. The main thing one must remember in this situation is that just because you're together in this activity once or from time to time is that there are no ties, no committment, just sex. The hardest part is when feelings develop towards a person invovled, then it becomes more personal.

Cheating on the other hand generally doesn't involve telling your mate of your intentions or sharing your experiences thereof - just having them find out on their own and blowing up! I think it's better to swing than to cheat anyday

Answer 4

I don't think swinging is worse than cheating. Most people cheat for things not found in the relationship. Most people swing to add to the relationship. If both partners are ok with swinging, it doesn't matter what the "norms" are. And which norms were they talking about? Where? Just because they are norms doesn't mean they are right. It's just what the average person admits to. My partner and I will probably eventually swing. I don't see a problem with it because we love each other very much. The swinging would be about sex, not love.

Answer 5

I have no problem with swinging.

Cheating is always a bad option, though sadly, its sometimes not the worst.

Its wierd how cheating is considered 'the most harmful thing' imaginable in our divorce-racked north american culture today. I read something recently that said that rates of cheating were similar in most cultures, but the attitudes toward it changed. I almost wonder if cheating is considered so awful in america today because divorce is considered fine. If someone just says 'yeah, I was bored with my spouse so I divorced them, now my kids shuttle back and forth every week' people think that's fine. So of course cheating is condemned because the cheater should have gotten a divorce instead.

Answer 6

Swingers have a divorce rate under 10%. There has to be something in that. All married couples, cheaters or otherwise, have a divorce rate of 50% except it southern california and in the bible belt whrre it is 60%. Humans are polygamous animals. An upstart religion told everyone, under pain of being boiled in oil, that they had to be monogamous. You cannot undo biology with an edict. It just won't work. Humans need to deal with what they are. And another interesting fact, monogamy is a minority in the world and always has been.

Answer 7

Swinging is consensual and cheating is not. Cheating is wrong and while the views of Swinging is a matter of opinion or religious beliefs. In some circles swinging is a way for couples to experience more together. I saw a special on Dateline or 60 minutes, an interesting lifestyle and not just a free for all orgy as some think. The more active couples have boundaries and respect the others level of comfort with what they are willing and not willing to do.

Answer 8

I don't think people think swinging is worse than cheating. Anyone who has been cheated on will tell you the worst part is the lies, not the sex.

THe thing is, lots of swingers end up being cheaters too. Then it can be MORE problematic because they use the swinging as an excuse. But lying and breaking promises is lying and breaking promises.

If swinging makes you happy, great. But don't pretend it's anything like cheating until you one of you breaks the rules. THEN you can find out that swinging is NOTHING like being cheated on.

Answer 9

In reality neither is better than the other. In my opinion if the couple chooses to be "swingers" they are going into it with open eyes and they know the positves and negatives of this and they both have enough faith in their relationship to last, and enough trust between the 2 of you. If this is what you are both happy with and its exciting to both of you then do it and don't let what others think both you. You are the one that is in the relationship and know if you 2 are happy or not. Cheating is usally 1 sided for that matter and hid from the other person in the relationship.

Answer 10

The moral of this story: quote me a get a BIG response, lol.

I think people answering you here, with a few notable exceptions (Kailey, for example), are approaching the whole issue from one of two places: 1) religious dogma, and 2) ignorance. I am personally much more tolerant of the former than of the latter. If a person's reading of his Bible tells him that swinging and adultery are both sins, and that they are therefore equally bad in the eyes of God, then I cannot argue with that. People believe what they believe, and I refuse to fault them for it, as long as they make no legitimate attempt to infringe upon *your* freedoms.

It's the ignorant people who bug me. Many people here are sliding down slippery slopes of logic to arrive at intellectually ridiculous conclusions. They want to make assumptions that readers apparently are supposed automatically to accept as reasonable and then lash out with over-generalized conclusions. They seem to believe that the more stridently they express their opinions, the more likely others are to accept them. They sound mentally lazy to me, nothing better.

Unfortunately, all that said, I cannot answer your question, why it is better to cheat than to swing, because I don't agree with the premise. In my quotation, I used the word "society" purposely; overall, society does view both cheating and swinging as wrong. I never said I agreed with society though!