I have been married for 23 years, mostly happy ones. My problem? My husband wont get a job-no job since 2004.

Question

He is a good man and treats me well, but we are struggling just to eat, much less pay bills. He says he is afraid to go look for a job, because he has a warrant out for his arrest (for non-payment of probation fees) - He gets angry when I try to talk to him about working. I work about 45-50 hours per week and I am going to have to find another job on the weekends just to get my head above water. I love him so much, but I just dont understand how he can just sit there and let us slide deeper and deeper in debt without even trying to help. I found him a job that pays $10 per hour cash - he wont go - he says the state troopers will pick him up if he leaves the house. And if you are wondering if my house is spotless since I have a live-in houseman - sorry to say, he does dishes and yardwork and not much else. Sometimes supper is cooked for me when I come home, most of the time it is not. Any suggestions on what I should do, aside from the obvious...kick his butt out...I cant do that

Answer 1

Get him to court, get his legal problems behind him and move on. If he won't do it, throw his butt out.

Answer 2

OH H*LL NAW! You love him, I understand, and I agree that it's not a MUST that you kick him out, but the man is supposed to be the breadwinner!

You know that in a relationship, you have to give to get. What is he giving you and your family, besides nicely trimmed hedges and a few clean plates? Before long, all of your plates are going to be clean b/c you won't have food to put on them.

He can get a job. There are jobs you can get at home, by working online. Some of them may be gimmicks, but there are legit jobs out there. He is using that warrant business as a cop-out. He's too old to be acting like this. If you lost your job today, then what would your family do? In my business, we receive 1000s of resumes. I just read a cover letter to one this morning, and it tore me up. The man said they had high medical bills and he is willing to work any shift and can start immediately...Do you think your husband would be like that? How much does he care about the wellbeing of your family?

Is he in charge of the finances? If not, I would just make up something like you're about the lose the house or the car or something and see what his reaction is. I guess try to find something to motivate him in a positive manner.

I am just shocked that he is so blahzey about the situation. I am hurting for you. LOL, does he think the state troopers are sitting on the street just waiting for him? Does he not know the constable can just come to your house and pick him up? Maybe you should just turn him in and let him serve his time, and when he gets out, he won't have any excuses as to why he's not providing for his family.

Answer 3

This is a tough one. It's possible he really is a paralyzed as he says; but it's also possible that he's just learned to be lazy. There's a reason Workmen's Compensation requires people to go back to partial duty before they're completely healed: it's because the habit of not working is easy to obtain.

Either way, he needs to face the music. Sit him down and tell him that he must face this situation. If he goes to jail for a short period, it will be worth it to get his life moving again - nobody should live like that. Insist that he work or leave. That doesn't mean you have to get an immediate divorce. You can give him some time to get his act together.

Another important point: before you do this, remove his access to joint funds and credit.

Answer 4

Well, I know you said you can't kick him out, but my mother did that to my stepfather when he wouldn't get a job, and guess what, he had one within 2 weeks!

You should call his probation officer and see what needs to be done to get the warrant removed. This is a really lame excuse for not working. Because he needs to work to pay the probation fees to get rid of the warrant. So, tell him to get his a** out there and work. If he refuses, you are just going to have to make home a little less comfortable. Stop buying groceries, stop cleaning, stop doing anything that makes life comfortable for him. You are outside working, get your meals while you are out. Stash some soup at hand in your car, desk, etc. And definately tell him you are too tired from having to work so hard for any type of sex. Life won't be so fun. Also, cancel cable - you can't afford it. Cancel internet - you can't afford it. See the pattern?

Answer 5

Well, until he takes care of the warrant, he will constantly have this cloud over him. However, municipalities have amnesty programs from time to time... watch for one. If all he needs to do is pay probation fees, look for an amnesty program, borrow the money from a relative or friend or SOMEONE, and take care of this problem.

It's time for him to be a man and face his legal problem head on, even if it means a couple months in jail. Living at home like he is now is the same as being in prison anyways.

Answer 6

curiously to me that you're his sugar momma and that he has no recognize for you and the kin as a rule. rather did he no longer end college or get some form of larger practise. i imagine you are able to evaluate that he's a lazy individual that's effective with you doing each thing. curiously you want to start up putting down some floor regulations. If he's not operating he's had to do all house responsibilities because you artwork each of the time and he would not. second if he can't be responsible sufficient to hit upon a pastime then he could do chores and errands to do his honest percentage of the marrital responsibilities. ultimately if he unwilling to do those initiatives and run some errands then possibly it will be lessen time. I also propose that you search for some marriage counselling Do not one of the domicile artwork enable the position to grow to be gross if he's no longer keen to sparkling then employ a maid and kick him out. rather you're literally not his slave and he should be recommended that in marriage each thing is 50/50 if he unwilling to hit upon a pastime then being the domicile spouse is the purely selection take it or leave it. i trust he's unwilling to hit upon a pastime that calls for him to artwork and be responsible and on time. He has also no danger of looking a pastime like that devoid of any formal practise. fairly probably you may want to need to debate with him about going decrease back to college or looking an apprenticeship position in a commerce. in case you already had 3 toddlers what can make you wnat to have yet another fairly with a guy that has no career.

Answer 7

Sweetie- Good luck! If you say aside from the obvious - well if he's not going to get a job- what is he doing? You deserve MUCH better then this. If there is a warrant out- well what you can't make a plan with the authorities to have him get a job and pay it off. Like I think this is ridiculous! You are working your *** off. You need to put your foot down and figure out something that will get him out there. Why should you be doing everything you can to take care of him when he is highly capable of doing something for himself. Like yes things happen but there are NO EXCUSES to be in that situation. You shouldn't have to spend your entire life working having zero free time to pay bills that include taking care of him while he hides from authorities. Sorry but its tough love, and you should love yourself more! I know thats easier to say then do - but if you have any respect for yourself you should tell him to get a job or he's going to jail & hey he probably has a high chance of going to jail but what is he just never going to work the rest of his life? Ha..

Good luck this sounds like a horrible situation to be in with no good answers on how to make life for you easier. You have to be a strong woman and tell him its this way or no way.

Answer 8

From the outside looking in......he is still a boy, not an adult. You are partnered to a spoiled brat who avoids responsibilities and consequences of his behavior. He can't hide forever. So, I think you should contact the authorities, have him arrested, do not bail him out and let him face jail time. After serving his time he will not have an excuse for not getting a job. My opinion...drop the zero and find a hero!!!!! I speak from experience as I have had a sh!t load of losers in my past. They never, never,never change. And you must get over being a co-dependent. There is a book you can buy entitled, "Co-Dependent No More". It is excellent and it helped me out. I might add....get a dog, they are more loving and loyal.

Answer 9

Well, you mean to tell me he does not go out period? Grocery store, Gas station, Walmart etc? Come on now. This is just an excuse. How sad. Maybe tell him to start selling some of his things. Obviously he does not love you the same if he is allowing you to work like you are. Hold your head up high. You know what needs to be done. Don't let your heart do the talking. What good is loving him if you never see him because you work 24/7? Good Luck

Answer 10

I have actually been in your situation(not because he had warrants) and the only way you are going to get him to work is to give him an ultimatum. It sucks to be put in that situation when you love someone but he is forcing you into it. Otherwise things are going to stay the same. Life is way too short to be unhappy! Tell him he has a certain amount of time to get of his lazy @#$ and get a job or he has to leave because you can't afford him. If you don't work you don't eat and that is the way things are period. Good Luck!

Answer 11

Well he is using tactics to try and get you not to harp on him about a job, 1st the state troopers have got better things to do then watch your house for 24/7 so that is a lie, next you can research what he said and if he does owe probabtion fees then you can try and work out a payment plan, you may also be able to talk to them and tell them your husband hasn't worked because he is lazy. I would go to the court and talk to probabtion and find out how you can clear this up.Has he even seen a probabtion officer that usually happens when you are put on probabtion.