And then demands to see the children at the last moment? Even though he knows you've made other plans - like taking the children away for the weekend, or on birthdays? And he makes the plans through the children, refuses to tie himself down to you? He aso refuses to take them on ordinary weekends, or if they have after school activities, etc. My friend is having real problems. If she says "no" - he says she is refusing to let him see the children, but the weekend she booked in January (which he knew about) is going to be ruined. It seems as though he wants the children when he knows it will cause the most upset, otherwise he ignores them. What would you do?
2007-05-17 23:50:55 · 11 answers · asked by True Blue Brit 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Lily - he doesn't see them for five months at a time, then suddenly appears and demands to see them. You're talking nonsense.
2007-05-17 23:58:47 · update #1
She wants him to see the children, there is no visitation order. He has free access to the children. Which he doesn't take up on, just seems to choose his times to make her look bad. He doesn't really want them - he says he has a "private life" and the children shouldn't interfere with it.
2007-05-18 00:00:44 · update #2
I would go to court to get an official time table established, then when he does this he can cry foul all he wants, he would be violating the order and she is not obligated to give in to him. That what it seems to be with him. He's trying to control her even after they are divorced. He wants to look like the good guy and mommy is the bad guy. I would definitely get something set up through the courts ASAP. What he is doing is emotionally damaging to the children. They need their father, but they need stability, and consistency just as much.
2007-05-18 00:14:37 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A custody agreement is a guideline, an example of how time should be divided. Times can be changed with notice. Tell your friend, to continue with her plans for the children. She has given him enough notice.
She also needs to inform him by certified letter, keeping a copy for her records, that his inconsideration for not being on time or not even showing up will no longer be tolerated. If he is going to be more than 30 minutes late, than he needs to contact her by phone. And refrain from using the children as go betweens. If he is late, then his visitation will not be honored. And will be refused.
She should also give him notice of the trip, and switch days with him. Because every parent is entitled to a vacation.
She is the primary care giver, and is calling all the shots. He really cannot do anything. So, tell her to put her foot down, and stop letting him bully her. Trust me, I know what I am talking about. And in case he does make an issue of this, tell her to keep a log of the visits, when the visit was to begin, when he actually showed up. His actions and threats. Date every entry. And this can be used against him if the go back to court. Good luck.
2007-05-18 07:08:31 · answer #2 · answered by treasuredwife69 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
So my ex-husband has another ex-wife? lol
I had to take him to court to explain to him that he had to follow through with Sunday school on the weekends he had them. He said I was "planning his time."
She knows what his scheduled weekends are. Hang home on that Friday night. If he doesn't show or call, all done. The end. You don't get to call and want them in the middle of Saturday afternoon on Saturday afternoon. Unless you gave me the heads up. Otherwise, as of bedtime Friday night, you've bailed if you're a no show.
Plan weekends and trips on your scheduled weekends.
I haven't spoken to my ex in years. He calls my son, tells him when he'll be here, my son forgets to tell me, and when I get home he's disappeared. I just live with it. Couple more years and it won't matter anyway, as son will have a job and wheels.
I always avoid mentioning scheduled activities if at all possible until the last moment because visitation allows for some flexiblility in the schedule. So, if I am leaving, I call and say, "I'm leaving now and we'll be back on the 15th." the end.
He can whine about being the victim all he wants: "She won't let me see the children." Legally, if he's not following the court order, I am not obligated. It states, in English, that he can have them Friday to Sunday every other weekend. It also states that they are tohave had dinner when he drops them off because they'd come in at 7 yipping I'm Hungry.....so we fixed that.
2007-05-18 07:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She should not give into his demands. It seems like his mission is to upset her not spend time with the kids. She also needs to go to court and have them set up some type of visitation schedule. That way things are set in stone and legally he cant just drop by when he wants.
2007-05-18 07:13:45 · answer #4 · answered by ctelly22 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him unless he can stick with a schedule then don't bother asking. The children need their father to be around on a regular basis not just when he feels up to it. Good luck..I've been down this road, once they got a court order he came twice and has never bothered again. I think it was more fun for him to screw up my weekends then it was to see him children.
2007-05-18 06:58:31 · answer #5 · answered by loving U 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This needs to go to the court to set visitation, alternating weekends, and holidays. This will cut out the "garbage". He is ruining the kids life by doing this. There must be a narc cluing him in on what is going on.
2007-05-18 08:46:38 · answer #6 · answered by RB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a crab. Nothing he does is ever right. No wonder he doesn't want to talk directly to her. A timetable to see ones own kids! Unless he is demanding to see them for more than 50 percent of the time she should be glad he is in their life. Time with her is NOT more important than time with him, she has them most every day for heaven's sake. Tell her to be more flexible. But then again if they could work things out they wouldn't be divorced.
2007-05-18 06:56:52 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like this guy will be a problem forever.Your friends life is going to be hell dealing with this guy.For me I would try to have some kind of schedule that works for me and knowing for sure whatever I do , it will still be a problem for him. He is just looking for some reason to make her life hell so to hell with him.Let him ignore them it's his problem not hers..good luck to her
2007-05-18 07:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by Don M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure they had a court order of visitation, he has to go by it, she has a right to say no if its breaking that court order,
2007-05-18 06:56:56 · answer #9 · answered by bluelitttt 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't rely on him for visitation and good luck to him when it comes to catching up with me.
2007-05-18 07:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋