Should I give my seat on the train up for a lady?

Question

I get the late train home every weekend (the commuter) which is always, quite literally, packed; we're stuffed together like sardines with very little room to move even if standing. If you get a seat you're literally hemmed in and have to step over people if you need the toilet at any point- you can't even reach your luggage most of the time.

I give my seat up to ladies if and when I can- but am I excused on a trip such as this, where it is so busy and cramped that to move about is likely to cause problems?

Thanks!

Answer 1

If you give your seat up to any woman, you are a TRUE GENT. I would say don't bother - and I'm a woman. However, if the woman is pregnant, elderly or ill/injured, then it's kind of you to give up your seat. If you give up seats to woman in general, I wish you would start travelling on my train!!!

Answer 2

Times have changed. I think if the lady is young - ish and looks healthy - no physical disabilities - no you shouldn`t be expected to give up your seat. What riles me sometimes is the way some people - and even some youngish women - look around expecting someone to give them their seat. That`s rude. Obviously if it`s an elderly person - could be an elderly gent even - yes it would be a nice gesture. Goes without saying give your seat to pregnant women and mothers with children to tend to. I`ve always raised my kids to do it this way, and my daughter, who is 28 , gave up her seat the other day to an elderly lady - which i thought was very respectful.
I must have got something right in the parenting department ! lol

Answer 3

You sound like a true gent. In South-Africa i was used to men holding open a door for a woman, lady whatever, standing up when a woman entered the room and giving up their seat in a bus etc for a lady. The woman their always say thank you and i am sure that most men would give up their seats if that was the case. I as a woman have offered my seat to an elderly person, she gave me a dirty look and pretended not to notice me getting up , even though she was soo rude. I asked her to sit down and she told me to F... ..f i was totally disgusted, not just that i felt stupid as well, that happened here in Uk. Often i move out of the way for someone to pass, hold the door for them to enter a shop and only sometimes , sometimes someone would say thank-you, i can see why men don't bother doing it anymore:)

Answer 4

Wow, I didn't know there were any people left in the world like you.

Most definitely, if you see a women who is pregnant, or is holding a child. Even if it is an elderly man you should. It has nothing to do with the gender. So too should a women give up her seat. It has to do with the person that is standing, and how difficult it is for him/her.

If a women who is young, then you do not have to feel obligated to give her your seat. Women fought for liberation. They want to feel equal to men. Which they truly are.

So again I say it depends on the age, and physical status of the person that is standing. KUDOS TO YOU.

Answer 5

Everyones answers are so true you are a gent and i have an eighteen year old who would do the same as its honourable and manners, I am a woman and i would offer my seat not just to women or pregnant women or elderly women...but to any males who look like they need the seat more than me..and as im an eighty year old expectant mother with a walking stick ..there is not many..only joking..but god bless you if only everyone in the world could be more selfless.x

Answer 6

You are a rare breed - a real gentleman! I think if the lady in question in this scenario is less able i.e. elderly, pregnant then yes definately you should give your seat up. If they are sprite however, I think its best just to stay in your seat on a busy train. I know what the train situation is like and I understand your question perfectly. Whilst heavily pregnant and travelling on London trains and was usually always Asian or black people who would give their seats up strangely. I once had a young white guy 'race' to the seat I was heading for on a busy bus - he saw me for sure but ran for it anyway. I was too angry to say anything, in case I started crying (which anger makes me do at times).

Answer 7

There really should be more guys like you! The fact that you're even questioning whether it's okay to not give up your seat in this particular situation shows that you are a genuine gentleman. But I do think it's okay not to offer your seat to someone (unless you think they need it more than you) in this situation where, as you say, moving around would cause additional problems. Bloody hell, I wish other men could learn a thing or two from guys like you - you're a nearly extinct species, you know.

Answer 8

I am with Caroline. Recently in a shop I let a lady go ahead with her two items, and said "ladies first" with a smile. I then noticed an older man behind her who was also smiling.
But as Caroline mentioned, in certain circumstances it depends on the lady involved. Under crowded conditions reserving the right to give up one's seat may be logical only for elderly (men and women), injured, etc.

That Cheeky Lad

Answer 9

You are an endangered species, bless you! I would say in these circumstances it's OK to stay put unless the lady in question is elderly, pregnant or has a walking stick or something. When I was pregnant I was usually ignored on the train and tube and it used to really upset me so I would have welcomed the offer of a seat very gratefully.

Answer 10

You should give up your seat to people who need it more than you do. Giving it automatically to a woman or somebody older than you, is equally patronising to each.

All general rules about who would need it, are unreliable. For example, somebody pregnant enough to need more rest might also have more difficulty getting up from the seat.

The proper technique would be to offer your seat if you can see signs of distress or need. This allows the offeree to refuse, or to accept a nearer seat if this is offered in turn. It also allows for conditions, because crowding restricts the range of any offer.

It is also possible to stimulate offers from other passengers, by loudly (but politely) suggesting that they take your seat in order to leave a vacant one closer to the person in need.

Answer 11

hey its up2 you really. i mean im 9 months pregnant i would always be very happy if someone gives up their seat for me although they never do they make me stand then i pass out and they all kick of cos im laid on the floor so i cant really win. i mean if a lady is elderly or pregnant or who looks very pale (cos thats when we tend to start to pass out) they would be very grateful if you did but there is no saying you have to depends on how much problems it would cause by you giving up your seat and if you have had a tiring day last thing you want to be doing is fighting to move lol good luck on your next journey