How much jealousy is permissable in a relationship?

Question

I think being a bit jealous is healthy as it shows you care and maybe highlights areas of yourself you need to improve. What point is too much?

I would like to add that this is in a functional relationship - not one with a history of cheating or one/both people with a mental condition.

In response to 'feeling guilty?', what I mean by areas to improve is that when I get jealous, it tends to be based upon an area where I feel deficient. This isn't anything scary or obsessive, I'm thinking rationally about this. I guess this all leads to a whole new question - do we accept our weaknesses or constantly try to improve ourselves? Maybe that's the underlying issue.

Answer 1

i think jealousy is a feeling of insecurity.. and its a feeling of illwill aswell.. i mean when you're being jealous, its not for your partner or for each other, its for u.. so, please dont take offence when i say this, but in a way its selfish. ofcourse everyone gets jealous once in a while.. its human nature but i dont beleive its healthy to keep it up.. once u start thinking its ok to be jealous, u might start getting overprotective and trust your significant other even less as you'll start seeing faults in them that really arent there and only are because you are feeling insecure about what they may see in another girl/guy that u dont have.

ALWAYS always remeber that your lover fell in love with who you are. what u say isnt wrong about highlighting areas which can be improved.. but how do u know thats what makes ur parnter happy..? i mean, we tend to judge ourselves alot harsher than anyone else ever can and we see more faults than anyone ever will and so we'd do anythin to change ourselves and when we see someone who we think our parnter likes more than us.. than we instantly try to change something about ourselves.. but u know thats usually the worst part of it, changing.. but why? i mean ive seen girls who are ten billion times prettier than me.. who seem to get their way around by acting.. lost and "cute" and wearing clothes that make guys drool.. and at one stage that happened to me.. and my boyfriend told me that i was changing.. i was like the other girls.. and he said.. but maybe its not such a bad thing..

obviously he loved me because i was differnt but at that point i was so scared id lose him to those other beautiful girls that i tried to be lke them and it didnt work.. i was jealous and tried to make myself "better" but i really wasnt.. if i hadnt gone back to being me.. i might not be with my bf right now u know?

i mean sure everyone gets jealous.. i do.. but i find it alot more fun when i dont. i mean now i tease my boyfriend about other girls and him ebing with them ONE because i trust him not to cheat on me and well thats basically what keeps it going.. im not afraid to say what i feel.. i even tell him when im jealous so he knows.. and that level of trust builds up to the point where he doesnt NEED to feel threateneed by me being "jealous" and we can talk about it and get it over and done with and everythings fine =)

jealousy, i dont think shows how much u care.. i think it does though show that u love someone.. doesnt how how MUCH but it shows u love them enough not to want to lose them..

ofcourse thats a great thing but i dunno... i dont think theres any reason to be jealous if u maintain the trust and loyalty in a relationship.. ive always told myself that if my boyfriend can tell me the girls he sees are hot or cute without feeling shame and still tell me im beautiful and love me then i can trust him.. if he told me im the only beautiful girl in the world, it just doesnt seem true.. its a lie... and i'll be afraid he might find someone more beautiful.. if he can say it to me without any fear than ill know he means it.. its not saying he can go around flaunting it with any girl he sees.. its just the honesty part.. and the fact that i can trust that.. in doing that i dont see any need to be jealous..

i think oto much jealousy.. like clingy.. and obsessive is over the top. my friend really liked this guy.. he was sweet and everything but he was too obsessive.. he wanted to know where she was, who she was talking to, what she was doing.. bascialy everything she did.. he had to know and it frustrated her to the point that she broke up with him.. afraid that she'll get hurt because he didnt trust her enough to be able to do things on her own... so jealosly thats TOO obvious is very bad for a relationship.. it can make the other party VERY defensive and feel threatened..

but then i dont know how u individually feel or what uve been through but thats my view on it =)

good luck!

Answer 2

See it depends on the situation. Now if you havent given your partner any reason to be jealous. Then a little jealousy is normal. Now if you have done something in the past like cheating, emailing exes, lying etc. Then thats when jealousy will be more intense. Then there are the ones that have a serious mental condition so it depends what is your situation. If you specify it will be easier to answer your question.

Answer 3

.being bit jealous is o.k but bit from whose point of view. yours or the for the other person. There is really no need of jealousy or anxiety in a relationship which is true and based on love. As long as you are knowing tht he /she loves you and trustworthy as well then there is no room for J word. Jealousy creeps in when you feel insecure about your relationship. yes i agree liattle bit is good as that would then prompt you to be more interesting than the other personand keep the zing in your lilfe..

Answer 4

When you say "and maybe highlights areas of yourself you need to improve" are you speaking of yourself or your partner? Hopefully you're not getting jealous, throwing tantrums, then telling your girl it's because I care about you and she can improve herself by doing exactly what you expect her to do... I hope that's not you. Relationships are about negotiations. Feel free to rationally explain your feelings to your partner. She may stop her behavior, adjust her behavior, or not change it at all. Then you have to decide if you're satisfied or not. If you're not, leave her and leave her alone. Stalkers sometime think that they're just showing that they care and are doing it for their targets own good. Watch your psycho meter, you may be dipping into the red.

Answer 5

When it causes arguements all of the time. It is okay to be slightly jealous. When your jealousy causes your partner too feel uncomfortable about acting like they normally do, or when they fear your anger, then you have gone way too far.

If a person is in a relationship, they should be able to trust their partner. If they can't trust them, they should not continue the relationship.

Answer 6

Jealousy is a sign of lost trust.

A true relationship is when two different people combine their efforts as one. If jealousy is in the mix something is wrong.

Do not fool yourself if you have to be jealous you are insecure.
If your partner is jealous then you may not be trustworthy in their eyes.

Answer 7

Until u have jealous on anyone u dont found the way of success. coz if anything u dont have , u should jealous to get that ,but not on the wrong way. and also said that jealous is the other name of women.
but jealous is only permissible until u dont lose the relationaship n love between u and of whom u jealous.

Answer 8

being a bit jealous is cute and shows you care for that person but being too jealous to the point of not allowing her to hang out with her guy friends is just to too and annoys us girls very much.

Answer 9

try to remain slightly jealous, but don't let it affect your work/studies. Most importantly, don't let your jealousy turn into anger and affect your relationship.

Answer 10

to much will be easily spotted
however the right amount should show your other you care
juss don't riffle through there phone/stuff