I think I love him. I like him for who he is, not based on looks, but everything he does. His crude jokes, The way he touches his hair, the little creases around his eyes when he laughs at my lame jokes. When his lips caress my neck. The way he looks into my eyes and I know that everything will be okay. That one moment when our lips touch, I know its right. I know that when we are together its perfect.
But he doesn't love me. Only a simple level of attraction.
I know he is bad for me, not relationship material. But I love him. It hurts everytime I see him now, but at the same time I have such a desire to be with him. I have been avoiding him, and it is killing me.
I have told him the extent of my feelings, he knows, hes told me that hes attracted but not on the same level as me, and that he doesn't want to hurt me, yet he still cares for me and calls occassionally to check on me. I am SO confused.
HELP! How do I get myself out of this rut? What do I do? I don't want to feel hollow
2007-05-17 19:21:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Anderys: Thank you, I enjoyed your view. I think I should think that way, to be thankful for him being so close.
2007-05-17 19:28:47 · update #1
This is something that is hard to deal with. My current best friend is a girl. I dated her, and loved her with a passion (and still do to this day) and we are friends. She is attracted to me in ways and has admited it, but wont date me again for fear of hurting me further. The best way to deal with this is just sit there and be glad that you are friends and close with someone you love so much. Try showing him a little more of you that you think he might like and see what he does. He may be more attracted to you than even he himself knows. And if he isn't, stay friends. I still call her sweetie pie, because it makes her happy, even though we are just friends.
2007-05-17 19:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anderys 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that was amazing. I have been in a kind of similar situation with a straight friend of mine about 3 years ago. We spent all of our time together over the summer, and despite his attraction for females, I couldn't help but fall in love with him. It really sucks knowing that you can love someone completely and have them not feel the same way. We slept in the same bed, talked ALL the time, even tried a couple of things together but never what I had wanted to try with him. A relationship. Eventually I just had to let him go. In the immortal words of Ennis Delmar,"If you can't fix it, then you gotta stand it." Anyway some time passed and I never told him how I felt, then he moved to Cali with his girlfriend. But I digress, if I were you I'd get that IPod back. No gift is given without the heart and it seems like he's breaking yours.
2016-05-22 03:20:41 · answer #2 · answered by susanna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have allowed the physical touch and attraction of this male to addict you to him physically. If you know, because he told you that he does not love you, you are falling into a negative pattern of behavior that can only lead to heartbreak and regret for yourself. Get some help to break this addiction NOW, before it goes further and becomes stronger--to the point where he can use and abuse your body for sex and his own selfish gratification and then leave you cold or worse yet, pregnant and alone. Get some personal counseling to build your self-esteem back up and in the meantime, avoid this monster like the bubonic plague. He is obviously calling and checking on you to use you. You may feel hollow for a while by staying away from him and stopping your enthusiasm for listening to his calls, but you must do it to save your own sanity and personal self worth. Best wishes.
2007-05-17 19:35:27 · answer #3 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Natalie,
I can certainly relate to this because I am going through the EXACT same thing. When I read your question, I was like WOW, someone else knows what I am going through. I also am avoiding him and it is killing me to. I have been reading books and talking to people and the only thing that I can say to you and myself is simple....we have no control over their feelings. We have to be strong and we have to let go. If for some reason it is meant to be then they will come back. You know the saying "if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was" well that applies to OUR situation. You have to let him know that you are going to date other men and see what happens. Don't sit home and worry or cry. Go out and live your life, date other men, even if you don't want to. Go out with your friends. Take an exercise or cooking class or whatever appeals to you, but be active!! Stay busy and love yourself. Pamper yourself!! Do things that make you feel good. Confidence and a full life is very attractive to a man. Make him see the woman that you are by loving yourself. Don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call and if he asks to see you, don't always be available, even if you want to be. I hope this helps you and me!!! Hang in there Nat!!
2007-05-17 19:34:13 · answer #4 · answered by babebluiz36 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's tough when you feel strongly for someone and they don't reciprocate those feelings. But sadly enough, there's nothing you can do to make him feel any different. If he doesn't feel it, he does feel it. The smartest thing you can do is hang out with your friends. Find a hobby that you love so that you can entertain your mind and continue to avoid him. I know it's not easy and that it's easier said than done...but you have to protect your heart. I know you feel he's right for you but if he told you he's not there, you can't force it. See, if you entertain your mind then time will heal the void and if you continue to entertain your mind with friends and hobbies and keep yourself busy then eventually you'll meet someone else....someone possibly more worthy of your heart. I'm sorry, I know this must hurt but if you continue down that path you could possibly hurt a lot more.
I wish you the best. Be careful.
2007-05-17 19:39:51 · answer #5 · answered by Victoria C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know this feeling... But, with me, it's with a Marine. When he's home on leave, we have this special connection.. chemistry.. Whatever you want to call it, it's there. He claims to like me.. But, with the military, it scares him to get involved. My advice to you, wait... "Good things come to those who wait." If he doesn't have feelings for you now.. Never know, he could potentionally have them later.. If you give it time.. In the meantime, go out with your friends, meet new people or do some casual dating. Whatever it is to keep your mind off of it. Good luck!
~Jen
2007-05-17 19:32:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
simple its never going to happen SORRY.
your doing the right thing, keep avoiding and ask him to stop coming around because that hurts you too, maybe you can be friends with him later in life when your with your Mr right. while ever your thinking about him your wasting your time and chance to find your soul mate, and yes they do exist
2007-05-17 19:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Cooter 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want to enjoy his company until he leaves you, go for it.
If you know that eventually he will leave, and you allow yourself to be delusional about the future, you will surely get just what you deserve. Just be realistic, regardless of the choice you make.
KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!!
2007-05-17 19:29:30 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why lie to yourself when you can lie to someone else?
2007-05-17 19:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋