What's the funniest joke you have ever heard?

Answer 1

Two muffins are in an oven. One of them says to the other "Gee, it sure is hot in here."

And the other one goes "HOLY S***!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!"


There are too many good ones, but that one is my favorite as of lately.

Answer 2

Two turtles go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot, but they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first turns to the second and says, “You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we’ve got no beer.”

“No way,” says the second turtle. “By the time I get back, you’ll have eaten all the food.” “I promise I won’t,” replies the first. “Just hurry.”

Nine full days pass and still no sign of the second turtle. Finally, the other digs into the sandwiches.

The second turtle pops out from behind a rock and yells, “I knew it! I’m not fu*&^*ng going!”

This one makes me laugh each time

Answer 3

well, right now I like this one

The first guy got there and said "Hi. My name's Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, and take her to the show." So the farmer excused them and let them go.
The second guy showed up a few minutes later. The farmer answered the door and the guy said "Hi. My name's Freddie, I'm here to pick up Betty and take her out for spaghetti." The farmer excused them and let them go.
The third, and final, guy showed up and the farmer answered the door. He said "Hi. My name's Chuck." And the farmer took out his gun and shot him.

I also like the ones where people arrive at heaven and say different things and that one joke with a duck named bubbles ;)

Answer 4

so then is a family of four. a single mom 2 younge daughters, and a teenage brother. the mom is in the kitchen making dinner and in the process she picks up her sons BB gun off of the table and a bunch of BB's come out. then BB's fall into the dinner she is preparing. she leaves the BB's in there and hopes the kids dont notice. she call the kids down to eat, they have a very normal dinner, then a few hours pass, then the youngest girls runs down from upstairs and calls for her mom
"mom, mom" said the girl
"whats wrong" said the mom
"i went to the bathroom and BB's came out" the girl said
"ohh crap, umm, just go too sleep you will be fine in the morning" the mom replied
the girl just went to sleep, then the other daugter runs down
"mom, mom" said the girl
"i went to the bathroom and BB's came out" the girl said
"your gonna be ok just go to sleep" replied the mom
so she just goes to sleep, then the big brother runs down stairs
"mom, mom!!!!" said the big brother
"yes i know, you went to the bathroom and BB's came out" the mom said
"no i was jacking off and i shot the dog"

Answer 5

A couple goes to an
art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies, "Autumn.”

Answer 6

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab . We have bought a computer

for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your

notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and

whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******

appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but

we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware

vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.

Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I

request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password

is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '

button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request

you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '

has ran upto Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so

that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find

only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost

the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',

but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from

CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft

sentence', so when u will provide that?

Answer 7

what's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?














the wheelchair.



also

a japanese, an englishman, and a newfie are all lost on an island, and get captured by cannibals
the cannibals take them before their leader, and he say to them, "we're going to eat you and make canoes out of your skin, but because we are civilised cannibals, we will let you choose your method of death."
the japanese says, " i want to die by the sword." so they give him a sword and he cuts his head off.
the englishman says, "i want to die by a pistol." so they give him a gun and he shoots himself in the temple.
then its the newfie's turn. "i want to die by a fork." they are confused but they give him a fork.
he starts stabbing himself all over with it and says, "ha, some canoe!"

Answer 8

no idea ... most of the jokes makes me laugh.... so can rate one joke as the best