How should we punish our 11 year old for shoplifting?

Question

We have grounded him from computer, video games, TV and skateboard for a month. I'm just not sure if we should make him return the item or not. (Axe cologn)
My husband remembers stealing a chocolate bar when he was 12, and I took maxi pads once when I was 11 becasue I was too embarrassed to ask my mom. I wonder if its just a comming of age thing? I don't think that he will do it again.
Any insight would be great.

Answer 1

I understand everyones opinion on taking the item back and normally I would agree but they CAN press charges! This happend to a friend of mine and it was a total nightmare!Have him "pay it off" some other way like helping out a neighbor in need or doing chores
I thinks its pretty common and its probably good he got caught at a young age. getting caught usually stops it before it gets out of hand. He is probably embarrassed and feels bad. If you think he has learned his lesson tell him you trust him not to do this again. He needs to know you trust him. I actually think a month is a little harsh but maybe I'm a softy ..

Answer 2

I have just read the other answers to your question and I wonder how their kids will grow up. Be careful having him go to the store and return it. Some places have set policies about prosecuting and/or have jerks for managers who could be unncesarily abusive. So, call the store and talk to the manager and ask for his help in teaching your child a lessonbefore you actually go in to the store. Make sure you're not inviting moths of legal trouble into your life.

Now, returning the item, paying for the item, working to pay for the item, appologizing to the manager..etc. is not punnishment. That part is what I call "making it right". The punnishment part is for breaking the rules of conduct in your family. There is no need to "make this right", because a child is always in right. They are always approved of, cherished, and valuable in the family. There are however severe consequences for breaking the rules of conduct in the family. I do not advocate grounding because it is as much a punnishment on the parent as it is on the kid [and very hard to be consistent]. You will find it very hard to maintain a long grounding. It isn't politically correct to say this, but the best solution would be for your husband to take your son ino your bedroom, look him in the eye and tell him that he is not allowed to behave that way. Then your husband should give your son a long, hard spanking. When it is over, he should hug your son briefly, then look him in the eye again and tell him that this family doesn't behave that way. If he chooses to do that again, he will be spanked 2 times [once for breaking the rules of family behavior, and once for disobeying a direct order from his dad.

I think this will get the mesage across to your son in a quick way that will not leave your son to wallow in self pitty and shame for the next month. Good luck.

Answer 3

My son is 11. If he ever shoplifted anything I would make him pay for the item out of his own money. If he didn't have any money in his wallet, he would be doing hard labor to pay it off. Of course, even though he paid for it, he wouldn't be able to use it. I'd make him pour it down the drain or something. I have learned the hard way that punishing for a month is impractical. I've found that a week is the longest I can honestly punish him for. You need to stick to your decision. Do NOT under any circumstances give in and let him have TV, computer, video games or skateboard until the month is over. If you give in, he will think you are a pushover.

Answer 4

Personally I would make him take it back and tell the store manager what he did. (Done this also, it puts the store on alert and they know you will not tolerate this behavior).

Then (when my 11 year old did this) I would put him on what we call a 'very short leash'. He goes where I go, doesn't have friends over, doesn't play on computer or Nintendo, watches what I watch etc... for a few days. I also pass out extra chores. My idea is to make the punishment worse than the crime so they don't WANT to do it again.

We also sat him down and talked to him about what would happen 'next' time. If there is a 'next' time then he knows what to expect.

Answer 5

If this is a first-time thing, maybe the punishments you mentioned will be enough. If it happens again, though, you maybe could make your son go with you to the store from which he stole the cologne. Ask to see the manager, and have your son confess that he stole something and give the cologne back. I don't think the store would press charges, and your son would probably be so embarrassed that he would never steal stuff from a store again.

Answer 6

Just about everyone steals something in their younger years. In fact on lie detector tests it's suspicious if someone were to answer that they've never taken anything that didn't belong to them.

The grounding and everything you've done is great. But you do need to have your son return the item and apologize for taking it. That turmoil of emotions, the embarrassment, etc. will go farther in keeping him from shoplifting again than the grounding alone.

I'd suggest making contact with the store manager before showing up so that the 'return' doesn't hit any snags, and your son wonders what he point was.

Answer 7

I would make him clean up around the house very very hard chores. A dollar per chore and then I would make him sweat from these chores. He would cut the grass, wash the cars, clean the bathrooms with a toothbrush, vacum the entire house or apartment, walk the dog, sweep outside, etc... Then with all that hard work he will get his 3-5 dollars however much it cost and go up there and give it back to the manager and pay for it. As parents we are responsible for our children actions. Put his behind on the path of righteousness right away! Or next time he might get caught, technology is growning everyday, you cant hide behind anything anymore. My son is not that old yet but I got some stuff up my sleeve for anything I have coming my way. Im not having that!

Answer 8

That's good enough taking his computer,video games and skateboard for a month. Get a constable or cop and ask them to talk to him about shoplifting. Don't take him back to the store a lot of times you think that will be the best thing to do but unfortunately some of those managers are very cocky and that will make your son feel like you as a parent would not give him a chance in life. Everyone makes mistakes and we all deserve a chance. Just explain to him that what he did was wrong and that the next time he might not be lucky to walk away-the next time he might just go to jail. Regarding spanking or hitting that doesn't work(besides there can be resentment against you for the rest of their life), Its always better You as a parent to talk to your kids.

Answer 9

i remember when my daughter stole from shopke when she was younger (17 now) there was a cop in the store. i had him explain to her why shoplifting is bad. it scared her into never stealing again.(they also took her picture and told her she was not allowed in the store without an adult) i had her write to the store manager telling why she stole, and say she was sorry. i also talked to the manager about having her do something like community service. she was 6 years old, so not much she could do. but he had her sweet the break room floor. ( the best she could, because she hated sweeping) well, ive never had a nother stealing problem with her again.and yes, he should take it back, keeping it shows that it was ok, because he will only get grounded for a month.

Answer 10

Its pretty common but still needs punishment. Be careful about taking the item back. They are starting to press charges on these kids when they come to return an item and admit they stole it.
This entire thing has probably embarrassed him to the point he will not do this again.