you have 2 kids.An 8year old and a 6 year old.The 8 year old opens up a present and gets a toy.5 minutes later he puts it down and the 6 year old starts to play with it.The 8 year old gets mad and says its his and takes it away from the 6 year old who starts to cry.Do you tell the 6 year old that its his brothers and explain it to him that its not his.Or..do you tell the 8 year old to share.
what do you say to one or the other or both?
2007-05-17 11:42:05 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I have four kids I always says share you weren't worried about it tell your sibling stared to play with it
2007-05-17 12:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by marissa d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to the 6 year old that it's his brothers to ask to play with it. But also explain to the 8 year old that he could be nicer about things like that especially if the 8 year old wants to play with the six year olds toys some time down the road.
Because if the 8 year older is mean to the 6 year older it's a good chance the six year older want let the 8 year old play with his toys since the 8 year older was mean to him first.
2007-05-17 18:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I talk to both of them. The 8 year old needs to understand that he was not playing with it so he has no right to take it away from the other child...plus the other child is younger and the 8 year old is not setting a good example. Then the 6 year old needs to know that it is not OK to take toys without asking and that it is the 8 year old's toy, so if he wants to play with it in the future, he'll have to ask permission.
2007-05-17 18:46:33 · answer #3 · answered by its about time 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all they both need to calm down! This happens at my house all the time (girls 4 & 6). We have a rule about new toys since there seems to be a different dynamic with new toys. They have to ask eachother about new toys (for a couple of weeks) Anything in the girls' playroom is "fair game". In their rooms they have to ask. Part of the asking rule is that the one who is asked has to be reasonable. My explanation to them is that this is the only sister they're ever going to have (my husband had a vasectomy so it is) and that friends will come & go but they'll be sisters forever. That said.
The six year old should have asked, the eight year old should have been reasonable. And the answer is both.
I would take control of the toy first!
I would tell the eight year old to look at how he made his younger brother/sister feel. "Is that what you meant to do? (No) Did you have to grab the toy back? (Well, it's mine) Nonetheless. Say you're sorry." Here's your toy.
I would explain to the six year old that this toy is special to the eight year old because it's new and tell him/her that the eight year old didn't mean to hurt the six year old's feelings. Then I would explain that the six year old didn't really do anything wrong but should have asked to play with the new toy.
2007-05-17 19:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by mommy333 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I tell the 8 year old that he set it down and was not playing with it. My rule is, who ever is playing with it at the time, it is his/hers, if it is set down, then obviously ( new or not) the child was done playing with it and it is in essence "fair game" I never take a toy from my older two to give to my two year old and I never let them take toys from my two year old. All the toys in the house are community toys, they can learn to share and play together. We will soon have 5 kids, I don't have the room or the time to seperate each toy and have it be individual toys. Plus they can learn to share and get along anyway.
2007-05-17 18:53:24 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You teach both children to ask each other for permission to play with each other's toys.
You teach them that when they ask nicely, the other will capitulate and offer to play with them, or allow them to use the toy on their own.
Privately, you explain to the 8 year old that the 6 year old may "forget" sometimes, but that you will continue to impress upon them both how important it is to ask first.
You ask the 8 year old to be patient in this endeavor.
You speak to the 8 year old in a way that makes him feel that
you are not talking down to him like a child, but as someone who can help you.
You do this before the presents are recieved, in preparation of the event.
Every time you witness one asking permission of the other, you smile at them, or say "Very good, Johnny".
2007-05-17 18:53:11 · answer #6 · answered by Vivian D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it should be a little of both. You need to put both kids in the same boat because they are both part of the problem. If you blame one it will only create sibling rivalry. The older should share, but the younger one needs to respect that it is a brand new toy for the older one that he wants to have to himself at first.
The main goal should be for your children to compromise so they respect each other. I would not solve the problem for them. Instead, tell them they need to come up with a solution on how to share the toy before they can have it back. That gives them a chance to work together on a solution, and it keeps you out of the middle. Good luck.
2007-05-17 20:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by Sheri H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
in that particular situation, I would explain to the six year old that he needs to respect his older brother's items and ask first, I would then explain to the eight year old that if he is not playing with the toy there should be no reason when the six year old asks that he not be aloud to play with it. in this exact scenario, if it were my eight year old, I would explain to him that acting out in anger is totally unexceptable, remind him that he is the older brother and that the younger looks up to him, the toy would then be taken away till the next day (no matter how new it is) I would explain to him that it is being taken away for how he reacted, not because he didn't want his brother to play with it. My belief is while they must be taught to share, there are those particular toys that are special to each child, and off limits to others, after all, If I were to go into your purse and you grabbed it away from me, I'm sure my response would not be "you need to learn to share"
2007-05-17 19:36:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Both! I tell the 6 yr. old the toy is not his, he should ask his brother if he can play with it. Then I remind my 8 yr. old that it is his choice and how would he want the 6 yr. old to act in the same situation.
2007-05-17 21:44:14 · answer #9 · answered by tjosgrl@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Kids have to feel that they own something before they are able to share it.
Allow the 8 year old to hold the toy while you reiterate that the toy is his and that it will always be his. Ask him to share with the 6 year old.
If he is unwilling, redirect the 6 year old to another toy.
2007-05-17 20:21:58 · answer #10 · answered by ejwlm 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When I had a similar problem with my two children, I would always explain to the littliest one that the present belonged to the older child, and he had just gotten it and wasn't ready to share just yet. To the oldest, you can explain to him that it isn't nice just to snatch something away from the youngest, and instead, find a toy of his that he could offer the youngest to play with instead( I usually made sure it is a toy that the oldest wouldn't normally give up easily). Maybe this will work for you?
2007-05-17 18:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by ky_montgomery 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋