What happens when a baby is stillborn?

Question

My friend's baby died just a few days before he was due to be born. Today she is being induced and has to give birth to him.
(my previous question has more details)

Basically, I'm just curious about what all my friend will be going through, so I can maybe understand a little bit better.

Do they have funerals for stillborn babies? Will they let her see her baby after he's born? Will he get a birth certificate? A death certificate?

Obviously, I dont want to ask her these things. I'm doing everything I can to be there for them. So I'd like to know if we should expect a funeral or memorial or something, so perhaps I can help with that in some way.

Thanks for your answers.

Answer 1

Usually they have a quiet "delivery" in a private delivery room after induction. Often, the mom holds the baby, and takes a photo to remember. Whether or not a funeral takes place is up to the mom. Yes, they do get the birth and death certificates.
Thanks for caring and being a good friend. Just don't offer any platitudes, like, "you are still young, you can try again" lots of people say useless things like that. Just say, I am so sorry. Give her a hug. Make some food that she can put in the freezer. Offer to just listen. Eventually, try asking her out for coffee or lunch to get back into living again.

Answer 2

Hi My Name Is MaryAnn I have Two Boys And I Pregnant third But This One Didn't Make It I Was Three Months Pregnant May 8 2007 Early Moring I Went To Go Bathroom And I wrap I see The Blood Will I Never Thought Maybe Just Little Blood Will I Got Up I went To Bathroom Still The Same And Getting Worse It Won't Stop So My Husband Took Me Er To Check See What Wrong And The Nurse Took Me in Untlsound To See The Baby. And I Been Waiting The Docter Tell Me And He Toll Me They Can't Find The Baby Heart Beat.I Knew That I Lost This Baby. I Really Shock And I Never Feel My Life. I Really Broken Down Tears. My Husband Heal Me And Tell Me I'm So Sorry Honey. I Toll Him That Not His Faslt That God Took The Baby Home. I Didn't Understand Why This Baby Had Died. I Won't Forget .I Always Will Love This Baby.dose Matter Is A Boy Or Girl. It Will Be In My Heart.Thanks For Listen. From MaryAnn

Answer 3

She will unfortunately have to give birth by pushing the baby out as though it were a normal delivery. They will give her the opportunity to see her baby and spend sometime with him. He will be definitely be given a death certificate...it will have the cause of death as a stillborn death. If she has the funds, she can have a funeral for him or maybe that hurts too much and she doesn't want to deal with it....either way is fine. If she has other children...you can help by spending some time with them, so she can get a break to rest. You can spend time with her if that's what she would like. She is going through one of the worst things she will ever experience...please be patient with her. She may go through times when she's crying all the time or angry and short with you. You can help by being supportive and understanding of her. You may want to go to the library and find a book written by a woman who has experienced this so you can see her first hand account. I think you are right...it's best not to ask her any questions unless she brings it up for discussion.

Answer 4

While it varies by hospital, many will dress the baby and mom and dad and grandparents can spend as much private time with the baby as they need. Oftentimes, hospital personnel will take photos as well, just in case the parents don't think of it. A certificate is issued but it is not a standard live birth certificate because the baby was not born alive. This also varies by state. I'm not sure what they call it offhand. Some will have funerals, others will just have a private burial. Some do have memorials.

Answer 5

My soon to be brother in law and his wife had the same problem. She had to be induced too. They didnt hold a funeral service for a few months afterwards.
They did hold their baby and had pictures taken (yes while he was passed away). Im not sure about the birth certificate, I'd have to say yes they will get both of those.
She's just going to need a lot of friendship and support to get over this. Keep an eye on her though because my brotherinlaw and his wife went through really hard times after it happened, and they considred the baby to still be ''alive'' and hired babysitters for the urn. They ended up going to see a big time shrink to get over it. They still have some problems. so if she starts acting weird, get her to get therapy right away. Its real hard for people to deal with this kind of situation.

Answer 6

I had a stillborn son in March of 2006. I had to endure a c-section, and I requested that I be allowed to recover on a different floor, not the Maternity Ward, which they allowed. I was allowed to see my baby as often as I wanted. We took lots of pictures. Later, we found a fantastic service called babyangelpics.com that retouched the photos for free so my son looked like a living baby. The hospital now also has a program where a professional photographer will com and take the pictures for free.
I was assigned a bereavement nurse, who stayed with me during the surgery and helped me out afterword. She also called and checked on me at home up to a year later. The hospital chaplain also came and blessed my son. He was not baptized, as my church does not believe he needed that, since he was born sinless.
My hospital offered to dispose of the body for us, through cremation, but you cannot have the ashes. We chose a small visitation in the cemetary chapel and a graveside burial service. The cemetary provided the plot for free. My mom paid for the headstone. Our pastor did the service for free, and the funeral home only charged a small fee for preparing the body, which my in-laws paid. My husband and I did not want cremation, but that is usually an option, though I do not know about the fees.
Also, we were offered genetic testing for the baby, which we declined. We have an acceptable cause of death for us (a very visible knot in the cord), and did not want to know about any defects. We were afraid it would scare us away from trying again. We also declined an autopsy, for several reasons. I did not want my child cut up, we did not feel any further examination was warranted, and the insurance will not cover it.
As for the certificates, it varies. Since the child was dead before birth, it may not be issued a birth or death certificate. The CDC does not recognize stillbirths as "life", and the baby will not count for any statistical counts for life or deaths. (Which I hate and totally disagree with.) My state issues a COBRIS certificate. (Certificate Of Birth Resulting In Stillbirth). There is no other certificate issued here. Some states issue nothing.
Offer to help your friend in anyway you can. Just say you are sorry, it's all you can say. Nothing you can do will ease her pain, just be a shoulder to cry on. She will wonder why this happened, and she may find a medical cause, but not a spiritual one. Some stillbirths are unexplained medically.
Please offer her and her family my condolences. When she's ready, if her hospital does not offer one, here are some support groups to help:
www.missfoundation.org
compassionatefriends.org
emptycradles.com
http://www.wisc.edu/wissp/index.html
stillbirthalliance.org

Answer 7

Good heavens....what a nightmare. I can't even imagine how hard that will be for her.
I don't have any information about certificates, but there is a non-profit organization that will take heirloom-quality photos of the family and/or the baby, if that would help her. Some families find it very therapeutic.
Here is the website:
www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org
It's a rough website to look at, but I think it is a lovely concept.
My condolences to your friend and I'm sure she is glad to have a friend like you in her time of need.

Answer 8

I had a stillborn two years ago. Here in Australia they do have funerals and a birth and death certificate are issued. They encourage the parents to spend time with the baby. Just be there for your friend, and DONT say things like "it was meant to be" or " you can always have another". She may want to talk about her baby or she may want to shut it out at the moment. There was a lots of dreams and expectations with the baby, now its all gone. Even though she didnt know a "personality" she has bonded with the baby simply by growing it inside her.

Our lil’ darlin’ boy was born
With his dads huge hands and feet
Our tiny lil’ baby
So grateful we’d got to meet

It was our dream to give him life
Our nightmare to take it away
But something went terribly wrong
And that was the only way

To feel him move inside me
And the honour to help him grow
Was the most wonderful intense emotion
That only a mother could know

We had lots of love to give him
We’d do anything to have him back
But we know that cannot be
So farewell lil’ darlin’ Jack

Answer 9

i do know that your friend will be allowed to hold her baby if she wants to. I'm not quite sure if there will be a funeral. I've heard that a lot of moms and dads want death certificates for their stillborn babies, but i'm not sure if that is happening. i'm so sorry to hear about this loss, it's not an easy thing to go through. be a shoulder for your friend to lean on if she needs it. i thank God everyday I have my two healthy kids. hopefully your friend will be strong enough to be able to try for a baby again in the future. Good Luck!

Answer 10

First of all, my condolences to your friend.. Losing a child is one the most difficult things one can go through. The best thing you can do for your friend is to just be there supporting her every step of the way. She will be able to hold her baby and spend some time with him after the giving birth. They may issue a fetal death certificate, the laws vary from state to state about this, so check out this website to find out which applies to your state: http://www.stillnomore.org/main.htm

And here is another website that will answer many of your other questions: http://www.sands.org.nz/bereavement-resources/your-babys-funeral.html

Hope this helps..