My bf and i have been together for about 8 months. Things have been up and down since he moved 2 hours away about 4 months ago. I've had some interest in moving about 7 hours away, to SF where a lot of my friends live, for about a year now, before i met him. I decided that i wanted to apply for some jobs in SF and so i did today, but now i'm feeling lots of guilt. I know we won't do the long distance thing, we're already doing it now and 2 hours is hard enough, 7 would just not work. do i need to tell him, or can i just wait until i actually get offered a job? if i tell him i know he'll be really hurt and mad at me, he knows i want to move there and he DOES NOT want to move there. advice? anything is good.
2007-05-17 09:36:44 · 6 answers · asked by TimeWillTell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i'm not totally sure if i want to move up there, so i don't want to start a fight if i can avoid it. but is it bad to keep it from him?
2007-05-17 09:40:35 · update #1
IF he was the love of your life and possibly the "one", then honesty is always the best policy. But because you two seem up and down anyways, and he doesn't sound like "the one" at ALL then if it prevents you some grief, especially when you're not too sure yourself, then just avoid talking about it until you're certain.
I guess it comes down to how much you care about this guy. You also have to think about how if you are moving, then you will tell him and he'll ask you "why didn't you tell me when you were interviewing?", then you'll feel even more guilty for not mentioning it. If you care about him then he'll know you weren't open and honest with him and he'll be hurt. But if you don't care about him anyways, and he's just someone you like who you've been dating and nothing special, then who cares.
Either way, you know you want to move to SF, so why even bother having ANY relationship right now until you know what you're doing with your life! Either a) you are really insecure and you need a man in your life to give you attention (in which case it might be good to really focus on yourself and try being alone for awhile and enjoying your friends) or b) you're confident and independent but you're just having fun with the dating thing. In which case you should make it clear to this guy that you're just having fun dating and nothing serious will come out if it.
2007-05-17 09:41:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes be honest, with him. I think you know that this relationship is over. When he moved did you want him to move? Did he do it any way? Are you more happy when he is not there? Is it a relief when he goes? It sounds like you really want a change, in your life. Go for it. Do it while you can. There will be a time when you will have a family and it will be harder to follow your dreams. If not impossible. Enjoy your life, Have fun, be true to yourself. Do things that will make you healthy and happy person.
Good Luck
2007-05-17 09:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by Bandit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a serious conversation with him about it. Tell him how you feel and your desires about it. If he doesn't want to go and you do, and you don't want to do the long-distance thing, it's time to break off the relationship. Better to do it now than string him along when you know you want something else.
2007-05-17 09:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by kevness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him! The best policy is truth and honesty! If he gets mad and really angry at you then you may not be destined to be together and he may not be right for you! This is something for your career and right now maybe in your life, this is the best move other then relationships! TELL HIM!
2007-05-17 09:41:04 · answer #4 · answered by Emstr P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him about it now but do what makes you happy. If you don't want him to be hurt then telling him sooner than later would be better.
2007-05-17 09:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by Pink May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the right thing to do if you care about him.
2007-05-17 09:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋