As a Christian, what can I do about my father's behavior?

Question

History; When I was an infant my mother began having an affair with my step father and left my biological father for him, taking me with them. My step-father (we'll call him Jim) also left his wife and 2 year old daughter to marry my mother and then adopted me legally when I was 5 since my biological father died of cancer. They never tell me that I'm not his (Jim's) real daughter until I "accidentally" learn this from my grandmother at the age of 13. We had a major conflict of personalities during my teen years and we stopped talking completely. Jim never spoke to his own brother, and often would cut his friends out of his life, and never speak with them again. I left home for college at 17, got married -he wouldn't even hug me back at my wedding or answer me when I asked a question, now I have two kids. Since I became a Christian, I've forgiven him and tried to be open, but he still will not look at me and has trouble speaking with me one on one. What can I do other than pray?

I would like my children to have a relationship with their grandmother and grandfather on my side, and even though my mother and I still have a relationship, how can I expose my children to this?

I live in the US and they live in Canada for most of the year.

Answer 1

I woud try sitting with Jim face to face, and just asking him what is wrong. Tell him how you feel. There is no sin in that. God wants us to work our problems out in a Christian way. No better way I know than talking with him. Maybe in doing so, your relationship will grow stronger than ever. Tell him his actions are really affecting you, and breaking your heart. And they are your children too. Cause you want them apart of his life. I am sure he will listen, when he sees that you are being honest and sicere. Just try it. And pray that God will give you the right wording to make the problems fade:) I am sure He will help you.

Answer 2

Sit down with "Jim" and explain this to him.

Let him know that you would still like him in your/your children's lives because he is apart of your family and that means something to you.

It's unfortunate that they were not more forthcoming with this information before, because you might have been able to avoid any major conflict, but maybe it was because they felt it would be better for you.

Irregardless, talk with your mother and stepfather and explain your feelings towards this barrier that you guys' seem to have between each other and that you don't want this carried over to their relationship with your own children.

Answer 3

I feel more open dialogue is needed. Going back to the past is like opening up old wounds and there is going to be hurt and tears and disappointments. Let Jim know that you have let go of all that and that you would very much like him to be a part of your kids lives. Keep praying and I know all will be well. Good luck.

Answer 4

Continue to pray and treat your father kindly and with respect any time you interact with him. That's all you can do and all you are expected to do. If he doesn't warm up over time, that is his loss and he will have to answer to God for his sins. Just don't join him in the sins.

You'll be fine - trust God. He won't let you down.

Answer 5

All of your history, is YOUR history not your children's. All they need to know is that your step-Dad is their grandfather. Let them develop their own relationship with him without the influence of your baggage, it may turn out completely different.

Answer 6

You have done all you can do. He is who he is. Pray for him. Be kind to him and let the rest go. He has his own demons he is wrestling and you can't be a part of that. Rest assured that you are okay.