I got a good friend coming to town for a visit- one who I've flirted with in the past but we've both agreed it's best to leave it at that. Problem is she and I are so close that my girlfirend can't help but feel slighted because of my friend's long history with me. Accusations of cheating are commonplace whenever she and I meet up (maybe twice a year).
My girlfriend and I have our problems (we've been together for over 18months and through 3 breakups), but she's a great girl deep down. My friend and I haven't ever dated but we click on a level way beyond what I've reached with my girlfriend. My girlfriend sees things the way I do, but my friend and I share the same goals and dreams.
I'm no cheater, and neither is my friend (we've been in this situation before with significant others), but this isn't the first time I've been accused of cheating just for having dinner with a female friend. But the accusations seem to push me closer to my friend than to my girlfriend.
Any suggestions?
2007-05-17 08:54:47 · 26 answers · asked by TooMuch 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Break up with your girlfriend. You aren't committed to her. Your issues with your friend are beside the point. You are leading your girlfriend on, when you don't click with her as much as you do with someone else. That right there should tell you it isn't going to last.
2007-05-17 08:58:13 · answer #1 · answered by Clever_Cat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are the one decent man left.....You have to make this choice on your own. Do you think with your present girlfriend, you could ever reach the place you and your friend have made it to ?? To me and this is just my opinion, if you've only been together a year and a half and already have gone through 3 break ups, I don't think it'll last much longer. However, if your willing to accomidate your girlfriends wants, you might make it. But that's if you stop talking to your friend. It's all a personal issue. Do you think you can stop talking to your friend for your girlfriends sake? If it's a no, why waste both you and your girlfriends time? If it's a yes, you might make it. In a sense I don't blame your girlfriend but at the same time you've been honest and haven't cheated why let it bother her? Good luck !!!
2007-05-17 16:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by the_wicked_itch_of_the_west 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For just one moment put yourself in your girl's shoes and think of how you would feel if your girlfriend had a friend like that....
Now forget about dreaming of something you said is only stying in a flirting stage. She may be the girl of your dreams but apparently you are not so I honestly think you should move on.
Maybe this situation-attaction you have with your friend is what's causing all the problems in your relationship.
If you only see this friend twice a year, why not bring your girlfriend along. It understandable that she feels left out. If your girlfriend is part of your life then give that place in your life.
When ever in a situation, just put yourself in your girlsfriend's shoes... I think you will feel the same way she is feeling now, maybe it will affect you more.
Good luck
2007-05-17 16:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the girl you're with now isn't making you as happy as you want, then why are you with her? Why waste her time if you're obviously in deeper love with someone else? Even if it never works with the "girl of your dreams," what you're doing to your girlfriend is cruel as she'll probably never live up to your idea of what is perfect. I honestly think that even though you've never technically cheated, going to dinner with someone who you click on a level way beyond what you've reached with your current girlfriend is mentally cheating. It's unfair to your current girlfriend.
So the bottom line is that if you want to continue this amazing friendship you really shouldn't drag your current girlfriend through it with you.
2007-05-17 16:07:20 · answer #4 · answered by Jocelyn L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that the best thing to do would be to get together with your friend
i mean, you obviously have alot more in common with her, and although at first it may seem akward since youre just friend, you might find that you both enjoy each other's company on a higher level (gf bf)
i think you should just dump the other girl, cuz its like on and off, and it shows that you cant exactly depend on her to be there for you all the way
and, if things dont work out with your friend, you could always just revert back to being just friends
2007-05-17 16:00:45 · answer #5 · answered by Frank 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. My best friend was also a guy, and we had dated twice. It nearly ruined my own relationship and I found myself having to choose. The only thing you can do is listen to your heart and figure out what you need and want. I stayed with my boyfriend and I've never been happier. But in your case, it sounds like this friendship is much more vauluable.
2007-05-17 15:59:25 · answer #6 · answered by M&M88 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all it sounds like you want more from this friend than she is willing to give. You want to take it further but she says "we're just friends. You should include your gf. It should be the 3 of you. Your making her feel jealous.
Remember you said the girl of my dreams. How many dreams really do come true.
2007-05-17 16:07:03 · answer #7 · answered by shellysd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have had a similar problem. i used to date a guy off and on for years. we then became best friends. we were literally inseparable. then he got a girlfriend. and of course she was jealous because i knew more about him and was close to him. as soon as she realized the two of us would never be anything more than just friends she calmed down. she realized that i was going anywhere. i had been his friend long before and i will continue to be his friend long after. i still think she is jealous but she doesn't act on it as often. she knew that she would have to get used to me and accept our friendship. she is even trying to be friends with me now. the more we do group things the easier it is for her to be OK with our friendship. she thought that since we dated before and that we were so close something could easily happen. i know everything about him and he knows everything about me. i tried explaining to her that if we were meant to be together that we would be and if something was going to happen it would have. i have known him since i was 15 years old. (i am now 21) as long as you reassure her nothing will happen and maybe include her he worries may die down. she shouldn't be jealous or expect that your cheating unless you gave her reason to believe you are....good luck!
2007-05-17 16:03:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
get a new gf. if u have been together for 18 months and 3 breakups thats not good. if she has to go through with this every time u see your friend then it aint worth it. ive been with my bf for almost 4 years, no breakups and he has a female friend he loves liek a sister and i dont mind.....and i have a male friend who really is like my bro he has always looked out for me and he understands. if u and your gf are meant to be there shouldnt b any problems.
2007-05-17 15:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by ~*cRaCkNeSs*~ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have a great friend. but you and your other girl friend need towork things out with these breakups, and plus is it worth risking a friendship with her i mean anyway if u and that close friend break up from ther on it will be an akward situatuion, just think about the conciquences and hopse for the best
2007-05-17 15:59:51 · answer #10 · answered by john b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋