You find the guy you love you get engaged and you get married and have a wedding. But do you think there are hurt feelings when the bride includes everyone in the wedding party except for two sisters? There was a sibling a while back that got married and him and his wife had the whole family in the wedding expect my sister and I we did have a small part in the wedding but there were hurt feelings and when I explained this to her in a letter she said you cant make everyone happy.
But that is not the point the point was my sister and I were the leftovers in the wedding party.
When I got married I made certain all my brothers and sisters were in the wedding and when a friend was hurt she was not asked to be a bridsemaid I made sure she was in our wedding because I know how hurt I felt when I was rejected.
Do you think that there are hurt feelings in chooseing a bridal party? How have you dealt with it?
2007-05-17 08:53:10 · 11 answers · asked by encourager4God 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
There are always hurt feelings....you cant please everyone and there are so many reasons why someone could be excluded with out it having to be personal.
I think you need to move on from this before it destroys your relationship with your family completely.
2007-05-17 10:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not even married yet, but I have worried about this for a long time. I have several friends who have been friends of mine since childhood, and then I have my really close friends NOW. I also have friends who had me in their weddings, so I feel obligated, even though we aren't close now. I will never have the $ to have that many attendants, plus family (cousins) so I'm sure someone along the line will be upset. You can't please everyone, but why hurt feelings if you can keep from it? I suggest using everyone in some way...my suggestion is having 1 or 2 as guests come in at the guest book, greeters, giving out programs. you can even have up to 4 people doing this. Then have the average amount of attendants-4 to 6 on each side. There are also other things such as candle lighters-1 to 5 people. Singers, piano players, etc. Also, don't forget there is always serving at the reception. Personally, I think that is quite an honor. There are many ways of including everyone. That is just my opinion. Hope this helped!
2007-05-17 10:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by Happy in love! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely agree that there are hurt feelings. I can understand how your feelings would be hurt (because this is your sister-in-law). It's bad enough that a person's feelings can be hurt when they are only a friend, but a siblings wife...It seems like it would be even more important.
However, her view on things can be totally different from yours.
How does a person decide who would be in or out? Did you ever ask what was the reason for her decisions? I hope this has not severed your relationship with her. Obviously you care about her and your feelings of rejection is valid.
The way that I deal with it is to move on. I may ask the person what the reason was for the decision. It could be due to budget restraints or personal reasons. Try not to let it hurt your relationship (If its worth anything). Whatever the case may be...you have to move on because you cannot change that person's decision and realistically...everyone can't be part of the bridal party. It's unfortunate, but don't let it stop you from living.
2007-05-17 09:09:06 · answer #3 · answered by prettychestnuteyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think most twins are close in a way that others dont really get. So she may not understand why you two are so close, and so she is acting strangely. On the other hand, you are both grown adults now, and despite that you are twins, you each have your own lives. So if he doesnt include you in the wedding, it is his choice and you must understand and respect that. This is really an issue between him and his fiancee, and not about you. Hopefully they will be able to work out the control issues, otherwise their marriage is doomed. I think you should just take the high road- attend the wedding, wishing them the best.
2016-05-21 22:38:19 · answer #4 · answered by georgina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure there are hurt feelings every day in life and one doesnt need to have a wedding to find them. But also there are those people who are grateful for not being in a wedding since it is expensive. You could try to explain to those left out , your reasoning for selection. Often the parents try to include cousins and siblings who would not otherwise be selected by the bride or groom. Too much drama! Anyone with manners realizes that it shouldnt be discussed or complained about , just accepted
2007-05-17 09:05:55 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, you should never expect to be in someone's wedding party no matter how close you are to them. You just never know how the bride is going to choose her party. However, I do feel that people get hurt if they think they should be in it. I have a friend who actually asked me why she wasn't considered to be a bridesmaid. She always thought that she would be one even though in the past I never mentioned anything like this. I felt bad but I have always known who my bridesmaids were going to be. I didn't make her a bridesmaid but later I decided to give her a reading to do during the ceremony. She was happy.
2007-05-17 09:01:13 · answer #6 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it really depends on the individual. My sisters werent in mine and they didnt expect to be, we have a large age gap between us and were never that close, they expected that I would have my two closest friends instead of them. And I in turn expected that I would not be in their weddings, although one sister had a large party and included me, but my other sister did not. It just wasnt that big a deal to me to not be in her wedding and I also turned down her request to be a reader at her wedding, I didnt want to do it, I dont enjoy public speaking. I was happy to sit in my pew and watch.
You cant help how you feel, but I think in the grand scheme of things and after planning your own wedding, its important to understand that its the couple's day and the choices that they make they feel are whats best and its never done maliciously or to be hurtful. Sometimes things just dont work out the exact way everyone would want, but whats most important on the day is their happiness and to put your feelings ahead of theirs isnt the way its supposed to be on their wedding day.
2007-05-17 09:31:03 · answer #7 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There can be, but you still have to do what you want. Choose those who are closest in your heart.
When my sister, who is two and a half years older than me, got married, I was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Didn't bother me, honestly, at all. However, at the reception, I could not BELIEVE the number of family members and family friends who came up to me and tsked-tsked about it! They were the ones who couldn't understand, not me!
2007-05-17 09:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its your wedding you should only ask the people you are close to. i didnt ask my soon to be husbands sister to be a bridemaid because we are not close. if your feelings get hurt then that is your problem you are being selfish instead of happy for your friend. maybe she had a limited budget and couldnt include you for some other reason or she didnt feel as close to you as her other friends. so what if you are leftovers its not your wedding.
2007-05-17 09:28:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course there are occasions when feelings get hurt. Unfortunately for you your new sister-in-law isn't very caring of others' feelings - is she? Since she is your brother's wife you have to do the best you can to be civil to her, but she doesn't have to be your best friend. Just know that you tried to do the best you could in your own wedding and be proud of yourself for that. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-17 08:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋