Getting invite to event that I need to bring gift to. I'm going though a divorce & have NO $$. What do I do?

Question

I am going though a divorce and I don't have 2 cents to rub together. There have been so many functions lately. Wedding showers, weddings, and graduations. Im getting invitations to these family and friend events and would love to attend them, but I am so broke I cant aford a gift. What do I do? Do I just rsvp that I wont be able to make it and even then I still feel like I should send a gift but I just can't. I feel terrible.

Answer 1

The most treasured gifts I have ever received have cost the giver no money, only their time. Try writing a letter on fancy paper telling the person what they mean to you and how they have made you feel loved or how they are special in your life. If it's for a wedding, include the spouse you don't know as well by welcoming them into your family or telling them how you look forward to getting to know them as they must be worthwhile judging by their choice in partner alone! Present their gift rolled into a tube and tied with a ribbon.

For a graduation, try to get a picture of the graduate as a child and put it in a frame with a current photo. Congratulate them on how far they've come and encourage them along their journey into the world. You can also cut the two pictures into strips and paste them in alternating sections on another paper folded into accordian folds so that from one side you see one image and from the oppositite vantage you see the other.

There are a million little gifts that have no monetary value yet, their receipients would call them priceless. These items will be kept long after any things you might have given would have met their fate in a landfill. Gifts of things are great, but anyone with the money can give things. No amount of money can buy a gift from the heart. Such gifts are especailly appreciated and remembered if the giver is not usually so demonstrative or open with their feelings. If you are an artist, draw a picture, a musician, write a song. If you don't think you can write, enlist the help of someone who you feel communicates well, to help you with the job of converting what you hold in your mind to words on paper. Such a gift does not have be long, three or four sentences might be all you need.

If you still feel that you need to give an item, give something that you already own. This is especially good if it is something that the person has admired or expressed interest in previously. Possible ideas are jewelry (assuming you own jewelry), watches, pictures, knick knacks, books, etc. Who says gifts must be new? Browse the local flea markets, garage sales, or thrift stores for something cheap, unique, and that you know the person would love. There are still a myriad of venues where 50 cents can buy something that is one of a kind, even treasure waiting to be discovered. The recepient will appreciate the time it took you to choose - that is a labor of love. One of my favorite gifts of all time came from a family friend who gave me a light I had commented on. It had hung in her house for as long as I had known her and it meant a lot to me to know she valued our friendship enough to give me something of hers which I had admired.

If the function is not for a person you are so close to, give them your congratulations, thank them for the chance to celebrate with them and wish them future success. Forget about a gift. If they are truly worth your time, they will too. Never feel compelled to mention, much less apologize for your inability to provide a gift. You should not be ashamed unless you would expect an apology in a situation in which you were doing the inviting. Don't feel "terrible". It may be hard now, but things will get better. No need to add guilty to terrible, if you get my meaning.

Worth is free of the contraints of money. I send you this excerpt from the teachings of Buddha:

"There are seven kinds of offering which can be practised by even those who are not wealthy. The first is the physical offering. This is to offer service by one's labor. The second is the spiritual offering. This is to offer a compassionate heart to others. The third is the offering of eyes. This is to offer a warm glance to others which will give them tranquility. The fourth is the offering of countenance. This is to offer a soft countenance with smile to others. The fifth is the oral offering. This is to offer kind and warm words to others. The sixth is the seat offering. This is to offer one's seat to others. The seventh is the offering of shelter. This is to let others spend the night at one's home. These kinds of offering can be practised by anyone in everyday life."

Answer 2

Make a gift of recipes. Put together a few of your family's favorite recipes and give that as a gift. Get a picture frame from the dollar store, you can get baby items there too! Make a book of family pictures and give that. You don't have to spend a lot if you use your imagination! Don't feel terrible about it and don't stay away just because you're broke. I'm sure your family and friends want your company and to share in the happy memories with them more than they want a gift from you! We all do the best we can and that's all we can do! Don't worry, things WILL get better! Go have fun and quit worrying so much!

Answer 3

Try being creative. There are plenty of things you can make and do. I'm sure these people know your going through a rough time and just you being there is a enough. You can always do something later too. For instance if it was some nephew or something graduating or family friend. Get a card and say give me a call during the school year when you need some extra cash to buy books or something. People aren't going to be mean to you. If they are then they don't' even deserve a gift.

Answer 4

traditionally, you have a year to give wedding gift. I think that's a strange rule, but it's the rule. Perhaps for the weddings you can save over the next few months for something small but meaningful. It would be odd however to show up to a shower empty handed. That might be an event to skip. As for the graduations, a nice card, even homemade, is fine.

It's understandable that you feel badly, but if these are good people, they won't care.

Answer 5

There is no shame in being broke, we have all been there at one time or another and, under your current circumstances, it is quite understandable that you would not be able to offer any expensive (or inexpensive) gifts.

A nice card would do nicely.

Hiding out and not attending these important functions, not being in the photographs, that would be a shame and you would be depriving everyone else as well as yourself.

For your reference, it is quite alright to send gifts at a later date, and they would be appreciated all the more because of your rememberance, even a year after a wedding is not extraordinary.

No one should ever bring gifts to a wedding, though it does happen so often, so don't worry about people snickering about you. Attend and be part of the festivities and part of everyone's fond memories.

Answer 6

I agree with some of the other answers. Your friends and family will understand if you cannot bring gifts. When your situation improves you can reciprocate by giving gifts at Christmas or other important dates (baptisms, birthdays, etc.)

Be sure to get cards, though. You may be able to help them in other ways- like with moving, home improvements, etc.

Answer 7

Hard being without funds when this happens, been there...

Must be others you know whom are in similar circumstances, share the cost of a simple gift and card....or....recycle a gift (lol make sure the gift isn't by the one you're giving it to)...or...that you ask the original giver if they mind you passing it on to someone whom has more need or liking of such a gift since it's sad to just let it sit unused or unseen....

Answer 8

Anytime the EX does some, "remembering," do some of your own. If she tries to bring up the past, bring up the present. After the ex brings something up, say something like, "Gosh sweetie, remember that time when..." It will frustrate her, because the good old times for HER, will come out sounding pathetic, next to what YOU remember about the present. It would sound pretty pathetic, if the EX says something like, "Gosh remember that time we went to that baseball game?" You can say, "Wow dear, that reminds me of the baseball game we went to just last week, gosh it was fun, wasn't it sweetie! The kids had a ball!" You can SEE how pathetic the Ex's attempt is, next to yours. After awhile, she will stop, because she will realize how pathetic she sounds, living in the past, while YOU and YOUR husband are living in the present.

Answer 9

RSVP that you won't be able to attend and therefore you do not need to send a gift. Don't feel bad. You don't owe them anything.

Answer 10

I'd go anyway. You aren't required to bring gifts. Your presence is what's required. I'd feel worse if I invited you to a wedding and you didn't come because you thought you had to bring something. Also consider a service. Helping someone move, watching their dog, mowing the lawn, painting their house, yard work are some things that could be nice. It would be worth more than yet another dust-sucking piece of.................