My cousin recently had her exboyfriend visit from South Carolina, while visiting he made some rude comments about me and I found out. I confronted my cousin about this and of course she said the things he said were taken out of context and I eventually settled with not liking him but getting over it. I come to find out that my aunt is bringing him as her date to my wedding! The reasoning is my cousin has switched sides and is bringing her girlfriend to the wedding and now is confused and likes the ex also! Because she knows she can’t have two dates they thought this was the way to have both ex and current fling attend the wedding. I made it clear to my cousin that I did not like him and I didn’t want him coming to my wedding, I did not invite him. My aunt, which is my favorite aunt called my mom and asked why he was not aloud to come to the wedding, that she was aloud to bring what ever guest she chose. I did not include a guest on her invite because she is single. What do I do?
2007-05-17 07:41:22 · 23 answers · asked by Heather 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Nope. If you let them bring a guest, you certainly can't tell them who to bring.
2007-05-17 07:44:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Technically, etiquette says if you didn't say "and guest" on her invitation, she should NOT bring a guest. Some people don't realize that or understand it, but having every single person bring a guest can add up very quickly when it comes to the costs. For now, I would leave it alone. Will having this guy there truly ruin your day? I doubt it. You'll be on cloud 9 and will have so much more to focus on!!! Focus on that...not on one guest you don't like. I understand your frustration but letting it ruin your wedding isn't worth it bad feelings with your cousin or aunt. Just avoid him at the reception and have a good time!
2007-05-17 15:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are never supposed to use "and Guest" anyhow. You need to find out the NAME of the other half of the couple, at all times.
If someone is part of a socially recognized couple, then you MUST invite both members of the couple at all times.
But it doesn't sound like your aunt is in an established relationship with either of those people. If things change and she becomes an item with one of them, you MUST invite her significant other too, even if you do not like them. It's rude to invite "half a couple."
If someone is "genuinely single", without a significant other, THEN you may invite them singly if you wish. Or, you may tell them by phone or with a little note that they may bring a date or a friend. But "and Guest" on the envelopes is not proper etiquette.
If you DO you use "and Guest" then actually your aunt is right-- by etiquette, the invitee can bring any "guest" they want.
2007-05-17 16:20:06 · answer #3 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds complicated enough.
Families are such odd amalgams of people aren't they?
You can muddy the waters further and disinvite all these selfish people.
You can muddy the waters further and tell Aunt that she was the only one invited and that she wasn't to include a date (thank you very much).
You can muddy the waters further by calling cousin and berating her for her fickle ways and how she's being ugly to Boor (her ex) and her new fling.
OR you can look at yourself becoming a bridezilla and laugh all this off and allow Boor to attend as your aunt's guest even though it might be an extra $50 for his plate at the table.
Of course, if your budget REALLY won't handle an extra guest, level with Aunt about it. But leave Boor out of the picture. Just show her the receipts.
But that will muddy the waters...
2007-05-17 16:01:44 · answer #4 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truly, why should someone be at your wedding when it is known you don't like him just because of a technicality of wording on an invitation? That's crazy. If you don't want a specific person there, end of story...you just say, I am sorry Aunt Sally, but Joe is not welcome at my wedding. You may bring anyone else you want. You wedding isn't the place for a social experiment, either. They can arrange their own dinner party for both the exBF and new love interest to attend and see how it goes...
2007-05-17 14:57:07 · answer #5 · answered by melouofs 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let your mom explain, or you can too-but I'd let mom do it(mine stepped in and handled my guests rudeness for me when people starting wanting to bring extra people), that you do not like this person and do not want him at your wedding and since her invitation did not specify that she COULD bring a guest, this person is not welcome and she and you will not have your day ruined by his presence. You do not want him there, period. And that is the end of the discussion.
Can I comment on how rude your aunt and cousin are to want her to have 2 dates?
2007-05-17 15:44:08 · answer #6 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If him showing up at your wedding is going to ruin your "special" day. Let your aunt know this. Just explain to her that you don't want someone who was rude to you coming to YOUR wedding. This should be a joyful affair, not a stressed out one for you. Hopefully your aunt will understand the fact that you have strong feelings against this person and not take him.
2007-05-17 14:53:40 · answer #7 · answered by paha4u 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Is she's you favorite aunt, you should be able to talk with her openly. Don't make it an issue that you don't like the guy, just make the issue that you are paying for each person and you do not have enough money to pay for dates of those guests who are not in long term relationships. I personally think it's rude to bring dates to weddings.
2007-05-17 14:50:41 · answer #8 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
was the aunt informed as to why the ex is not liked or did you just tell her no. maybe give her the reason's why. this might make a difference. if you didn't allow a guest for the aunt you have every right to say no, you already have numbers etc. be honest with your aunt also maybe have your mom talk to her as well. wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but hope this helps :)
2007-05-17 14:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by jandsmommy2002 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it was rude to assume she can bring a guest if none was asked to bring one.
It is also rude to call your mother up instead of yourself. Your mom is not the decision maker. You are. I guess she figured your mom would "encourage you" more. which is wrong.
Let them know this guest is not invited due to his inappropriate attitude and behavior to you. You don't want those who don't like you at your wedding.
They will just have to "get over it" in time.
It bothers me that your family is not protective over you to the point they are actually wanting a person who put you down, to be invited!
2007-05-17 23:00:39 · answer #10 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You stand your ground and tell them that he was rude and insulting to you and you dont like him and therefore he is not welcome to your wedding. Since you did not put "and guest" then your aunt has no business bringing anyone with her. Tell her it is your wedding and you will not have it ruined by having someone in attendance that you do not like. Tell her she is welcome to come to the wedding unescorted or not to come at all and the decision will be hers. Tell your mother to talk to her as well and explain this so she doesnt get sneaky and bring him anyway thinking you'll let it pass.
2007-05-17 16:25:14 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋