Does anyone ever know when the 'right' time to have a child is?

Question

I'd first like to say I'm not encouraging teenage pregnancies. I've noticed a lot on this board that people have blamed a lot of societies problems on young parents and even saying that all young parents should get abortions. That really bothers me!

It just makes me think--does anyone honestly know if they are ready to become a parent? I know if I were thirty I would still wonder if I would measure up to the challenges. Many parents [teen and ‘adult’] step up to the challenge of being a parent and work their hardest to become that perfect parent everyone wants them to be. So, if no one really knows when will be the right time and people [not only teens] are having unprotected sex then why blame young parents for all of the problems in our youth? Why is there such a stigma on having children young if people step up and make things work? If only people would encourage these young mothers instead of criticize them I think teen parenting would have a bigger success rate.

Where there is a will there is a way. Money can stretch. Trust me it can strech a long way. LOL! If these young parents aren't using taxpayer's dollars then really, what difference does it make.

I was trying to keep money out of this.

I think people didn't get the point. What I'm trying to say is that people are too often to criticize the parents who do have children young. It's not a matter of intentionally getting pregnant or not it's a matter of what ends up happening. If these parents do get pregnant [I'm not condoning pre-marital sex either] then why should they be criticized for tying their best and stereotyped into some 'horrible parent' category? I know there are bad teenaged parents but there are just as many [but not often noticed] bad older parents. I was just trying to see why the young ones are most always blamed.

mystic_eye_cda--Very good point on the affordability of children.

Answer 1

I was 26 when I got pregnant, and was married and had a good job. Truth is I still wouldn't say I was ready. No one is. I think the most important thing we can do as a society is help one another by guiding new mothers. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but the absolute best too! People are so ready to point out flaws and what someone else is doing wrong, but not enough people step up and offer life experience and advice. Bringing a life into this world is the biggest thing anyone can do with their lives but it requires maturity (some 40 years olds don't have that) self sacrifice, love, patience, empathy and most important a great support system whoever that may be.

Answer 2

wow, i have been reading a few of your questions in parenting and i have come to agree with most of the things that you are saying...you answered my question very rudely and i wanted to see if you were just a natural ***** or if it was just towards the question that i was asking...i was just asking a simple question about taking my daughter to the movies and i said that when her fav. shows are on, she is glued to the tv...im taking it as you thought i was saying my child watched tv all day but she doesnt, sometimes when i want a break, i thank god for the tv lol but other than that, she's not a couch potato!

But anyways, this question is interesting btw and i had my daughter when i was 19, i felt i was ready even thought i was that young but i would never take it back from having her, she's made my life better...i dont think there is really a right or wrong age to have children, there are always going to be problems in your life and you will think 'well this isnt the right time to have a child.' I believe once you have a child, you change as a person, you see things differently and you take on a big responsibility.

I am 21 now and my daughter is almost 2, i wouldnt have it any other way =)

Answer 3

I'm 24 and 22 weeks pregnant and still am afraid to become a parent!! Saying I want to have a child and it actually happening are two different things. The little lady inside me was not planned and I think that it was for the best otherwise I probably wouldn't have been "ready" til well into my 30's. Speaking for myself, I don't think anyone is ever "ready" to become a parent. I've been married to a wonderful man since I was 19, young, we've both changed soooo much in the almost 5 years we've been married. Because people do change dramatically from their late teens to early 20's I think its best wait for parenthood til at least over 21. You know turning 21 you might just want to go out to the bars all the time now, and if you had a child you couldn't do that and might cause you to become a less attentive parent. To sum it all up I think if you have a good head on your shoulders, are in a loving relationship and are financially ready for a child age shouldn't matter much. Good luck

Answer 4

I belive that no one is ever ready to give raise a child, I know this through my personal life experience. I got pregnant at the age of 14 and had my first child at the age of 15. I have to be honest, at first I considered abortion as an option. But after allot of thinking, support and after my motherly instincts kicked in I change my mind. I was lucky enough to have a loving boyfriend that quickly learned what responsibility meant. I also had allot of support from my parents, partly financially but most importantly emotinally. I unlike many of the other girls that got pregnant, I got my life together, kept going to high school and both my husband and I graduated with a diploma. I truly agree that with the encouragement of my family and the drive to succeed that my child provided me with, I made the right choices. Im now 21, I have two children, I been with my husband for seven years, Im working and Im currently attending college with psychology as my major.

I truly dont think that age really matters, anyone can be a bad parent. Unfotunately, kids do not come with a manual, so no matter what age you are it will still be a challange to raise a child. Although, maintaing a stable family is so much harder when the parent or parents are teenagers, this can be achieved over time. I have to respect the opinion of people who believe the root of societies problems are young parents. I also believe that these people are close minded and negative people that need to be proven wrong!

Answer 5

"Afford a child"

Breastfeeding = free
Cloth Diapers = $200 for the actual diapers, no idea how much the extra loads of wash would be (assuming you buy cheap second hand diapers)
Using table food instead of baby food = Ummm maybe $5 extra per week in groceries?! for the second half of the first year.
Clothing = often free from family, friends, church groups, freecycle.
Toys = often free as above, oh and my grandma grew up with less than 5 toys for ALL her brothers and sisters and they are all incredibly smart.
Crib = often free as above*
Mattress = $40 (mattresses should not be used second hand*
*Assuming you use a crib.

Need to cut more expenses to support your child? Cancel internet, use a free service with ads. Cancel cable/satelitte buy an antenna booster and a movie subscription like Netflix (you can get whole seasons of shows, sure it's a few years behind). Cook from scratch. Cut your own hair. Get rid of a car or sell a car you have payments on and buy used -no payments + cheaper insurance. Get a debt consolidation loan BUT cut up all credit cards and high interest lines of credit. Don't take out a loan to pay off a debt then run up the same debt.


And let's not forget that many young mothers WERE using protection. Consider this the failure rate of condoms is higher among teens as they are less likely to buy the proper ones and instead grab and dash. They are less likely to store them improperly, and more likely to use them improperly (practice makes perfect). For teens the failure rate is probably 18% (10-18% failure rate is what is standardly stated as a real world use).

Ok failure rates are per 100 women using the method PER YEAR. Highschool is what 4 years in most places? (Was 5 here when I went).

100 teen girls use condoms the first year - 18 become pregnant.
The next year another 18 become sexually active (to make the total back up to 100) of this new 100: 18 get pregnant.
The third year another 18 start having sex: 18 get pregnant.
The fourth year the same.

Of 154 teens (the original 100 + 18*3) 72 are got pregnant. Some miscarried, let's take a high number 25% miscarriage rate. 54 had viable pregnancies -some of which were probably aborted before they would have miscarried. Of these 54 some of them aborted, some adopted, and some kept the baby. Who knows exactly it varies by region.

In 4 years of highschool 54/154 had viable pregnancies. That's 35%. Even taking a 10% failure rate 30/130 or 23%.

Of course not all teens have sex and many are responsible enough to use two forms of birth control. Even withdrawal combined with condoms drastically reduces the pregnancy rates.

Frankly I am sometimes surprised the teen pregnancy rate is as low as it is. And for those of you that think abstinence is a valid choice I think that expecting 100% of people (particularly hormonal teens) to avoid sex 100% of the time is unreasonable. Husbands cheat, priests cheat, nuns cheat. Sex is a PRIMAL drive.

Yes some young parents are bad parents, but as was proven recently being older, wealthy, and educated doesn't stop you from doing dumb things like leaving your kid in a hotel room alone. Old parents can be just as bad as young ones. Rich or poor doesn't matter. Yes age, socioeconomic status, race, etc may make people more prone to certain things, but all have their problems. I don't see how loving single mom can possibly be worse than having two parents who are never home and just don't care.

Answer 6

I don't think anyone can decide when another person is ready to be a parent, and I think a lot of people who don't think they are ready really are capable when they have to step up.
One thing that I think would really help reduce the negative effects of teenage parenting on society is if people would make an effort to help pregnant and parenting teens get through school so that they wouldn't need to be supported for the rest of their lives. I got pregnant when I was 16 by a boy who raped me. I have been lucky enough to have a supportive family, so I am finishing my 4th year out of 5 toward becoming a highchool math teacher. When I get done, I will have the education I need to support myself and my son and to be a productive member of society. If I had not had access to the help I have had, however, there is a chance I would never have gotten this far, or even finished high school.
There are plenty of people who should not have kids, and nowhere near all of them are not teenagers.

Answer 7

Very rarely do women and men know that they are ready for a child. People in their teens and early 20s are really not ready though. The stigma on young parents is because they have trouble putting themselves aside for their kids, they have trouble making ends meet because they lack enough education and experience (high school diplomas don't cut it anymore), and they don't have the maturity or life experience to make the decision being a parent requires. I have seen women who are 19, 20 and 21 give birth, I have seen women older than 25 give birth. The young mothers aren't able to control themselves and have a lot more trouble in the delivery room, and that's the easy part, your body does that without you! Being a parent is hard, its work, and its important. Teens are not ready to be parents and should not be having sex until they are ready to (no birth control is 100% effective). Your question bespeaks the arrogance of youth so I assume that you are neither a parent nor an adult, but understand this, most teen mothers have a lot of encouragement and support, they are criticized for acting young and not doing right by their kids.

Answer 8

Yes, there are girls who became teen moms that do as best as anyone can. That doesn't mean we should encourage them to become teen moms. Teenagers just aren't mature enough or know enough about the world to protect a little one. Also, there is the financial aspects. What type of career does a teenager have. Babies take money. A teenager should be focusing on finishing school and then college so they have better opportunities to provide for the baby. Going to school with a baby is tough and many never finish because having a job to support a baby is more important. Yes, many of societies problems are due to teen moms. Teen moms are more likely to need food stamps, welfare, medicaid and WIC. for many of the reasons listed above and the fact that teen moms have teen dads, and those dads arent taking care of their responsibility. Yes, there are many "older" moms in the same situation. As far as when the right time is. There isn't a magic number, and you should have a baby when you feel you are financially and mentally stable for one, but that is never the case with teen moms.

Answer 9

I agree and disagree with the statement above. You are never "ready" to afford a child. You never know if your child is going to get in an accedent and require serious medical care. I don't think anyone can ever "truly" afford a child. However we can try our best. I'm going to be a young mom myself at 22. My fiance is an electrician. We arn't in the worst place in the world. But not in the best either. If you love your child, and want your child, i believe you will find the time, find the money, and find the love. You can make due without 100 tv channels, 300 dollar cell phone bills and everything else that society has made us come to believe that we "need".

Answer 10

I think it's different from person to person when the right time is. It also depends on where you are in life. The right time is when you feel ready. I think it's fine if teenagers want babies. Think of the many years of their youth they can share with their children. There's no fun in being too old and not being able to play with your kids. My parents were 38 when they got me and I've always considered them more like grand parents than parents. I think it's great to have children early in life.