How do you get over heartbreak when you feel like your life has ended?

Question

I'm 30 years old and was building a future with my partner. He has just told me that he doesn't want a future with me because he doesn't want children now. I have also just found out that he is making plans to go back to his ex wife. I feel as if life is not worth living. I've got to start all over again and I've wasted the last 5 years of my life. I just don't know if i've got the energy to do it again. I've got no friends as he was very possessive and wouldn't let me have any. If it weren't for my family I would be ready to give up on life completely. As it is I just sit in the house and cry. Will I ever get over this?

Thank you so much for all your support - it really does help to restore your faith in people

I'm just really worried that it's too late for me to find someone, get married and have children

Answer 1

You have to find a way to accept that it's over, to not daydream at work/school about the phone call you just know is coming where your ex tells you how wrong they were and how they never want to be away from you again. This step usually involves a lot of crying, but that's natural. You've suffered a huge loss, and you need to work through it. Talking to friends, staying active and starting to go out on dates with other people will help you with this. The important part, though, is believing it. You have to know it's over and your ex isn't coming back to you. It will be painful, but you have to work through this part. It takes time to get over the hurt but you can do it.

Answer 2

You will. What did you think we are replying from the other side? Or you are the only 30 year old left alone? Put in your mind that it is over, the sooner the better. Otherwise you will wake up some day & you'll be much older than you are now & you'll see that you were too young at 30.
There is a 'mourning period' after a break up, but don't overdo it & don't expect him back or wait for him to change his mind.
Try to stay out of the house as much as possible, go to places were you'd not be able to show your misery. There are so many things you can do, meet people he did not let you, start a new hobby.

I will be looking for your new question in a month: I am getting over my ex, and I met this guy... is it too soon for a new bf? OR EVEN BETTER : I am getting over my ex, and my new friends are having a party what should I wear?

Anyways, take small steps each day! Stop crying over this selfish, stupid guy! Rememer to call him in a year & thank him for the favor he did you when he left!

Answer 3

Hi Helen, Life does go on. Honest !!! I know how you feel as will a lot of other people on answers. Take one day at a time, don't try to rush things you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. I was in my late 40's when my husband left after 25 years of marriage for a younger woman. That was over 4 years ago and i have not seen him since, life was hard at first i thought the pain would never go away, but it does and you start to realise you are better off without him i love my life now i am a stronger confident woman and with time you will be the same. I dislike possessive men they just like to rule you, but you will learn by this and you wont let anyone push you around anymore. Your family will help you through. If you do ever need anyone to talk to you can email me. Good Luck keep smiling. x

Answer 4

I've been through a similar experience. I'd suggest, once you have given yourself a bit of time, to try internet dating as it is a good distraction. I don't think it's a great way to meet the love of your life - alhough some people do - but it helped restore my confidence and I learnt some valuable lessons about the kind of blokes to avoid. It also helps you decide what it is you really should be looking for. It will give you the chance to meet different kinds of men to your usual type - which has to be a good thing, in this case. Meanwhile, work on building up a network of friends and NEVER give them up for a man. Good friends help you through the bad times and will be a support network for life. Men come and go. Having a circle of friends to go out with and kick up your heels, will put you in the position to meet someone who will sweep you off your feet, but don't make this your mission. Learn to have fun again without a man (easier said than done.) But next time, ask all the important questions about what they want out of a relationship as you can't afford to waste another five years. Also set yourself some goals - whether it is joining the gym, a training course, a career move - you'll feel alot better about yourself. Then spend a shed load of money on some fab shoes, a new hairstyle and have a makeover. There's light at the end of the tunnel believe me. Oh, and when you are feeling your strongest and look absolutely gorgeous, go and bump into him with your new circle of friends and act like you couldn't give a toss - it will do the ego wonders to see him kick himself for letting a godess like you go...

Answer 5

Love yourself. There is no other way. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are stronger than this.
It sounds as if you are catching a lucky break away from this one.
Ok!Ok! I know you loved the guy, but deep down you must know that you are worth more than him?
So you are thirty years old. You spent 5 of those years with him. But the other 25 you were free to be you and now you are free again.
Take revenge make yourself as gorgeous and sexy as you feel way deep down inside you. Grab life and live it day for itself.
Make yourself laugh. Imagine what the future really holds for him without you. Pretty yucky isn't it!!!
When you go out and start to live for yourself not some jerk like him, you will find good people are attracted to you and you will have friends and lovers you can count on.
Just do not allow yourself to be drawn to another guy who could be this one's twin.
For the next few days,watch each dawn and sunset as if you have never seen one before. Allow yourself to marvel at the intricacy of a flower or the leaves on a tree.
That is what life is really about, not being validated by a jerk.
Be strong. We will all be thinking of you. Take care Love Christine

Answer 6

Of course you will. Chin up and all that stuff. You'll be fine. 30 isn't that old (at least I hope not because that's how old I am) and you'll get the energy to have a relationship soon enough. The guy sounds as though he isn't worth having anyway if he dumped you after 5 years to go back to his ex. Think of yourself as lucky not having to be with a man that would do something like that to you and go and find someone better. Good luck and try and keep cheery.

Answer 7

That part of your life did end. So you are going through a time of mourning right now. Be grateful for the good that you had with him, you didn't waste your time, you learned a lot in the relationship. We always do. Give yourself time for the mourning, it is necessary whenever something dies, and you will get over it. If you work, spend more time at your job. If you don't work, start. This will get you in an environment where you are needed and where you can meet people. Next time, and there will be a next time, watch out for signs of over possessiveness. Don't give up so much of yourself in a relationship. Always take care of yourself and your interests first.

Answer 8

Unfrotuneately life isnt fair. But believe that you will see a brighter day. Dont waste your time thinking of him, he is obviously not your soul mate. I know it is easier said than done. But I was in the same position. My ex would get kind of upset if my friends would come over to our house when he wasnt home, or even when he was. Rather than telling my friends what a jerk he was, I just slowly stopped talking to them. So they thought it was me. Over time I have become a very independent woman. I am now married, to not the greatest man and have three children. Life is wonderful. You have to make yourself happy, no one else is going to do it for you. Life is worth living. Dont think that for one minute. You may have a child someday and look back and get sick to your stomach because of the thoughts you may be having now. Hang in there it obviously can't get much worse. I wish you the best. Just remember no one, absolutely no one can break your soul.

Answer 9

did he leave her for you in the first place?
but i know exactly what you mean about how you feel..
never go with a jealous person anyway it will always end in tears with a relationship in ruins...
i have some good freinds they are all with someone so its hard for me and i been a single parent for six years too...
i dident get out so much over the last few years...
now he is older and i can go and do what i want i still dont!
i have had the girlfreind here and there but no relationship in sight...
i get very down about it all when i get really bad and feel lonley ..
i remember how lucky i am , i am alive i got freinds my son...
two arms ,two legs etc...
there are many many people out there a lot worse off than us..
some cant see,walk talk, ever have anything we have...
hey it hurts like hell, it feels like thats the end?
we can always get another hopefully...
what about the others? its not the end for us..
what about kids with cancer? they can only hope for a cure...
all they have is their parents love...
so its not so bad at all is it when you think about it...
just give it time.. sounds like your well rid of that nutter...
wont let you have freinds? what were you his prisoner?
what sort of life was that really?
good luck it will pass dont worry....

Answer 10

Chalk the 5 years up to a growing and learning experience...I bet you learned a lot in those 5 years.
At 30 your life is just beginning.
You have lost nothing but a jerk who did not love you in the first place!!!
Go out there and make new friends, get ahold of old ones and let them know that he was the reason the contact stopped. Family is good too.
You are in your prime...learn from this and get up, dust that butt off and move on.
Life is well worth the living.

be cool...