For Daughter in laws only Please ......?

Question

How many of you have a mother in law that
1. Calls you controlling
2. Has an issue that you are close with your family
3. Acts like her & her son is a victium.
4. Is upset that you will not visit with the inlaws and allow them to abuse you

My husband is not the problem. He sides with me as see's his mother very little because he is not interested in her drama. Also, my husband never saw & spoke very little to his mom for the past 24 years long before we got married. Now she wants to play mama to a 41 year old man. LOL got a love it.

Lindy Lo: It is great you had a nice mother in law we all are not as lucky as you. My age is not the issue sorry you feel it is the generation but your generation stayed with a men who cheated and beat you due to no education and not being able to support yourself so lets not go there. Respect works both ways.

Answer 1

Well i am not married to this guy yet, but his mom and I don't see eye to eye. She is so weird. She is always complaining that I don't let her son do anything, and that I took her son away. When first off all when him and I got together they didn't even talk. Her son has done a complete 360 since we have been together and now that he is out of the military and is stable she wants to be involve in his life. In other words now that he doesn't need her. Where was she when he was in Iraq? This lady is weird. So what I do is I ignore her. I don't go around her or let my kids go around her either because all she does is talk bad about me to them. Things have worked great with her son and I but one thing that helps is that he knows the way his mom is. However if the son does not see it things between you and him will not work out but he will always defened his mom no matter how wrong she is.

Answer 2

Gosh, I guess I'm lucky. I have very good relationships with both my MIL. (My husbands parents divorced when he was very young and remarried--so one is actually a StepMIL.)

I do know that my MIL does have a problem with one of her other DIL, but it's for good cause and I understand that.

It would seem to me, though, that any difficulty that you have with your MIL should be handled by your husband. I would simply stay out of it. Be as cordial as you possibly can be and *always* turn to your husband to handle any and all conflicts with her.

If you're husband is unwilling to speak with his mom, have some sincere dialogue with him about why, find out what he believes and any impediments he may face speaking with her. Try to resolve that issue in the most loving way you can with him.

Once the lines of communication are open between all the parties--you with your husband, him with his mother--then calmly share what problems you're facing with your husband, explain how painful it is for you, and ask him to handle it so it doesn't become worse than it already has.

Of course, this is assuming you haven't tried this avenue yet. If you have, and your husband has done all that he can, then I would suggest you just minimalize contact with your MIL to the best of your ability and make sure that your own behaviors are beyond reproach. (Such as gossiping or saying mean things about her that may get back to her, etc.)

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

My "Mother-In-Law" is a Psycho! LOL I just ignore her and talk to my bf when he is available. He grew up with her....he knows she is crazy! If he didn't agree with me then I would have issues. Most of the time he pops off at her before I have a chance if he thinks she is going too far.

Let your husband know that she is acting the way she is (if he "doesn't know) and try and work together to resolve the issue. If he is not a big help then confront her yourself. Be nice and curteous of course but don't allow someone to annoy like this and just bow down to her!

Answer 4

I am sorry you had to experience that unfortunate problem. My now ex-mother-in-law was an angel. She is the stepmom of my ex and she warned me ahead of time what a demon he was. She always told me to be careful and told him that he better treat me right or she was going to beat the crap out of him. She was only 4'5 and weighed only about 125 Pd's. She loved that I was close to my family but he didn't like it. She knew I was a victim and I loved the other folks in his family while he hated mine. Your mother-in-law sounds like a MONSTER-IN-LAW. Let her know you are the wife and he sleeps with you at night and NOT HER! What a meanie? By the way....where's her husband? Good luck!

Answer 5

I was lucky to have a wonderful MIL and an awesome loving relationship. She had 6 children but I was the one she ASKED to help care for her in her last days. Also along with my siblings and my parents our combined families have very much enjoyed each others lives with our mutual MIL's.

Never in my life have I seen so much hatred toward MIL's. Even IF I disliked my MIL I would still respect her and just stay away. Hmmmmm maybe it was how my parents raised me!

Just wondering your age? It just seems this generation has such a lack of respect.

JUST WANT TO ADD:

I GET THE FEELING YOU HAVE A LOT OF BITTERNESS IN YOU FOR SOME REASON. FOR YOU TO IMPLY MY GENERATION WAS NOT EDUCATED IS RIDICULOUS. SO AS YOU SAY, "let's not go there". DO YOU REALLY THINK THE CHEATING AND ABUSE STOPPED THERE?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH NO MOTHER WOULD WELCOME THEM MAKING AN ATEMPT TO COME IN TO THEIR LIVES AT NO MATTER WHAT AGE. WHY DON'T YOU TRY AND GIVE YOUR HUSBAND SOME SUPPORT TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HIS MOTHER. THEY ARE NOT IN OUR LIVES FOREVER. HMMMMM....AND WHO'S CONTROLLING? YOUR ARE ANGRY AND BITTER AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.

Answer 6

I had a problem with my mother in law,I have to say it was mostly with #3 and since I live with her,she is a cleaning freak and I'm too but not up to her leve,and she use to make comments about not doing dishes or doing things when she wanted too.One day she got me mad,but I never wanted to confront her,since I felt that this wasn't my house and I was living under her rules,and I started to talk to my husband about how she was making the comments and stuff,my husband was getting really mad,because he thought that we needed to confront each other and talk about the issues that we were having and fix them,which is the right way,but I didn't want too.That day he told her how I was feeling,and then I decided to talk to her,I told her how was she making me feel with her comments and how she thinks that mu husband is he victim of everythin,and that I wanted to be treated like a daughter,like she treats her son,and we talked a lot about things.I could see the difference,she treats me different now,because she knows now what things bother me and how I would like to be treated,the thing is that she did'nt know me,so she did'nt treat me like I was suppose to be treated.Maybe you should try and confront your mother in law and do the same,things will change,you'll see,dont argue,talk to her with your heart and tell her how you feel.

Answer 7

I am a potential daughter in-law of a woman who does all of those things, and then some. (example, calls his ex girlfriend to tell her how "controlling" i am)

Needless to say, i am faced with the reality of getting engaged to her son very soon, and this is my only reservation. I truly don't know if i can, or will marry him because of her. I value family so much, and i want to marry into a family that will treat me with the same level of respect that i will give them.

Answer 8

If you are having problems with your mother in law, this is your husband's fault. HE should be telling his mother that you are his wife, he loves you, and if she can't get along nicely with you, he won't be seeing her much. Some men, though, are wimps. They won't tell their mothers that it's their choice not to visit so much. They let their mothers think it's their wife who is controlling, etc. So they don't look like the bad guy.

Answer 9

I have been called many a wonderful things by my mother in law. In fact, when my now husband and I were engaged, we flew down to visit them...and she STILL had pictures of his ex wife all over the house....(his ex wife was VERY cruel to him and really f-ked up his credit)...and SHE STILL TALKS TO HER! Now that is a bit below the belt...And she tells me all the time how much she misses her and how close they were and that she hated to see them split...

My husband stands up for me a LOT about it, though. But through most of her bitchy-ness, I just grin and smoke....A LOT.

Good luck with yours...just gotta love in laws, huh?

Answer 10

I'm not a big fan of my MIL. She caused my husband a lot of pain growing up, and I think she is a selfish, heartless woman. However we are civil with her, and I'm lucky because she leaves us alone. She's very wealthy and she travels all over the place and lives across the country, so we don't see her often.