ok i have a cousin who at 14 committed a crime against my other cousin who was 4 at the time....this was about 9 yrs ago....he didn't get proper help and has his records sealed he announced a couple months ago that his girlfriend is pregnant....i dont see how anyone can be with someone knowing that he did what he did....i'm 21 and hardly talk to him and have only spoken like 2 sentences to his girlfriend b/c i just dont want to have anything to do with him but sometimes i have to be around him.....do i have the right or obligation to make sure his girlfriend knows what happened so she can prepare?
2007-05-17 06:38:49 · 20 answers · asked by sxyitlngrl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i've talked to him just not about that...i dont want him thinking that i accept him and what he did....and i know for a fact that he can't be remorseful b/c he was told that he did nothing wrong "he was just experimenting"....i'm sorry but at 14 you know what the hell you're doing....i know she has the right to know but i dont know if it matters that i should be the one....no one seems to want to do it but think along the same lines....
2007-05-17 06:49:12 · update #1
i personally would tell, because i feel that the gf has a right to know. i know if i was expecting a child for someone with that kind of history i would have expected either him or his family to tell so that i can do what's best for my child and do all that i can to protect him/her
2007-05-17 06:45:52 · answer #1 · answered by marie2dessy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should say nothing, but the parents of that 13 year old might want to say something. The woman is pregnant, so she doesn't need more bad news now. You are right to avoid this cousin and his girlfriend and their child. I don't understand why he wasn't put in juvenile detention and given counseling for his crime. Did anyone even report him and help his victim? If I were you I would tell this girl you cannot be around him or her because of something that happened in the past and that she should ask HIM about it. Stay away. He is definitely a danger.
2007-05-17 13:49:22 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I personally would feel obligated to tell the gf about the incident. Especially because it was a child against child offense. People will say that " people change" and they sometimes do. But when it's abuse of any nature, she has the right to know. It's also her decision whether or not to stay with him after she learns of this. So don't feel frustrated when or if she chooses not to listen. HOpe things work out for the best!
2007-05-17 13:50:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is sad is that his girlfriend isn't going to listen to you. Right now, her dreams are coming true and she is going to have his baby. However, you would want to know right? I think you should tell her but don't expect her to listen. Also be ready for your cousin to try and retaliate. It sounds like he needs help. The sad thing is that it is proven that child molesters never recover. This means that he will do this to his child or other children.
This will put you on the hot seat with your family. But would you rather take a little heat for the right thing, or burn with regret for doing the wrong thing. You are a good person with others in mind. Don't let others talk you out of the things you believe in.
2007-05-17 13:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda G 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Definately...because she might not know. If he committed a crime against a 4 yr old cousin he may just commit it again to his own child. This girl is pregnant with your baby cousin. Protect her and the child from now. My advice is get together with another family member and sit her down with the news.
Also, prepare for the possiblity that there might be some drama behind it. As long as you inform her you've done your part to somewhat protect a child.
I highly commend you for wanting to speak up. I don't know you but, you've made me proud.
2007-05-17 13:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by CUTIE PIE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all that man should be in jail. You should do all that you can do to get the truth out in the open even if you have to tell your parents about it first. It wrong what he did it doesn’t matter if he is your cousin there is so justice in protecting someone like that. If his girlfriend doesn’t know and she is having a baby with him then you need to tell her. You don’t want it on your conscience is something happens to this kid and you did nothing to stop it. You should do everything you can to stop this man from doing this to another child. Don’t be afraid to take a stand and speak out, if it was you and someone did this to you, you would want someone to stand up for you and speak out against him. DO the right thing! You know what that is.
Good luck
2007-05-17 13:45:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would certainly want to be warned if my partner had a history of abusing children. Some people change but wouldn't it be better for her to at least be warned? She may not listen and it may cause a big family fight but at least if he does start doing something she may pick up on it a little sooner or maybe not put the child in a situation where it could occur.
2007-05-17 13:55:41 · answer #7 · answered by Meems 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
".....he didn't get proper help....", how do you know and who is the judge of what would be proper help?
If you feel he is still a risk to children and in fact has not received proper treatment, then advise him of your concern and that he should seek help immediately and that he should also discuss with his girlfriend to advise of his past and gain her support. If he does not do this within a reasonable amount of time, perhaps then you have an obligation to speak with her.
2007-05-17 14:18:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very tough serious question. I was abused when I was a child by my step sister, upon telling my dad, years later, he didn't believe me. He thought that I was lying. Now I wait to tell any guy that I talk to about what happened to me. Because I was the victim, I know that it is very different. However, I don't think that you have the right to do that. I mean he may have told her. And he was a kid himself, although he was the accused. I think that it may be best to stay away so that you don't make a mistake and tell his girlfriend if she doesn't already know. Have you thought about asking him if she knows?
2007-05-17 13:46:46 · answer #9 · answered by Mother of one 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your cousin's life isn't any of your business.
as long as he has not continued to commit these "crimes" since the offense when he was 14, i wouldn't worry about it...
if he has changed, there is no sense dredging up the past. what good would it do, except cause a lot of problems and heartache?
what would his girlfriend be "preparing for" if you tell her what happened? I don't get it?
take care of you...
2007-05-17 13:50:06 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋