we already have sent out invitations and now she is trying to invite more family who all have many children and she is not paying for any of the wedding! This is causing fights between me and my fiance and I don't know what to do!
2007-05-17 05:58:54 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your fiance needs to handle that. If you do, you will gain an enemy for life in your future mother-in-law. Tell him that you're down to the wire, you're on a budget and it's really inconsiderate of her. He needs to deal with her not you becasuse that can get real ugly.
2007-05-17 06:04:48 · answer #1 · answered by newsgal03 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mother in law is out of line inviting extra people - especially since the guest list is closed and invitations have been sent.
Your fiance had better stick by you on this. If he won't call off the wedding and yes, forfeit your deposits. This one you'd better nip in the bud - you don't want a "mama's boy" for a husband.
Make it clear to M-I-L that while you would like to invite more people, the list is closed now - and your budget cannot cover additional guests. If you need to, show her the budget - and the receipts showing the money has ALREADY been spent.
If she wants to personally pony up the additional money - and late entry fees caterers and halls charge (often double the amount) plus the expense of the extra invitations, postage, and agrees to address all the invitations herself - no help from you or spouse, then perhaps you might consider reopening the guest list.
OH and of course she must pay for a new wedding venue - and new reception venu because your guest list was based on how many people the hall could handle - that means an entire NEW mailing list with directions to the NEW hall - all at her expense and she has to do the addressing and mailing.
Oh and of course, there is the larger cake - The original cake size was decided on based on the number of servings (based on the original guest list) - so she will have to cover that expense - and the late/change fees as well.
ANd of course she will cover the wedding favors, the hotel accommodations, travel expenses, and every other fee that has already been paid based on your original guest list.
OR she can just sit back and be glad her son is marrying a wonderful girl - sans third cousin bessie and her 12 bratty kids.
2007-05-17 06:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Be honest with her: are you are on a budget or do you have a limited amount of room at the facility? Have favors, programs, place cards, centerpieces, etc already been ordered? If your plans can easily be adapted to include more guests then you may want to consider letting her invite a few more family members (it is family after all) but give her some guidelines: no kids under x years old, no more than 10 more people, whatever. I know it's your wedding but the goodwill in accomodating or at least compromising with her will go a long way. If it is simply out of the budget then you need to let her know nicely. Also, consider letting her invite people to take the place of guests who are unable to come.
It is rude of her to be inviting extra people but sometimes MIL's get so excited that they blab to everyone and then feel obligated to invite them. I'm curious to know why your fiance isn't supporting you on this; you may want to get to the bottom of that issue as well.
2007-05-17 06:28:52 · answer #3 · answered by Meems 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not try to "handle" her. You need to negotiate.
Secondly... who IS paying for the wedding? If it is your parents, then have them send her a note stating that they had already received her guest list, and the hall cannot accommodate additional guests.
That said, you need to get to the bottom of why she is inviting additional people. Does she have an aunt who will be in town that day anyways? Did she mention to her neighbor that they would be invited, but then forgot to add them to the guest list? Or, are all of YOUR second cousins invited, but not HIS? This could be the cause of some serious resentment.
Make the cut-offs firm if you have not done so. NO children under 16. NO second cousins. If you haven't done this before, then this is what you were asking for. Time to be diplomatic... remember, you are merging two households, and fights over the guest list will cause fights over where you spend Thanksgiving.
2007-05-17 06:25:20 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fiancee and I had the same problem, we both told her that we could not invite any more people at all. My future M-I-L threatened with not coming to the Wedding at all using the excuse she was not going to have anyone to talk to, I think I made her feel guilty when I told her that her son would be very hurt is she wasn't there. I told her that if she would have mentioned the extra guests before we might have been able to try to work something out, but this late right before the wedding there is nothing that can be done because it would be extra money that she's not willing to contribute.
Good Luck and Congratulations
2007-05-17 07:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HE needs to talk to his mom and tell her the plans are already made along with the budget. If he won't do this then he at least needs to mention to her that you guys can't afford the extra guests and see if she is willing to pay. If he can't do it alone then go together and talk to her about it. Maybe your hubby would like these people at the wedding that is why he is fighting with you. All he really needs to tell her is that the invitations have been sent out and there are no more.
2007-05-17 18:10:18 · answer #6 · answered by bubbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first answer was a good answer. If that doesn't work and your fiance insists on letting his mother invite her family, just keep in mind that your wedding is one day. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little to gain a lot. Don't let something like this start your marriage (which will be a WHOLE LOT longer than just a day) on a sour note.
2007-05-17 06:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think you need to come to a compromise. Tell her that the invites have already gone out but you would be happy to add a couple more people. However, also tell her that you can't afford to invite all of the children. I opted not to have young children at my wedding so for the most part just my aunts and uncles were invited, not the whole family. Hey she might be willing to pay the extra to have those extra people. You never know.
2007-05-17 06:06:22 · answer #8 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Kindly explain to her that the invites are already sent out and no further people are going to attend. Let her know that it is your fiance's and your wedding, and it's up to the two of you to decide the final list. Stand your ground, it's your wedding. Especially if she isn't paying for it, she shouldn't step on your toes!!
2007-05-17 06:23:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! You need to back up alittle. You have to realize that this is a complete adjustment for his mom also! She is use to having things a certain way, and it is going to take some time and effort for her to see things the other way around. She loves her son, (I can relate) and is use to relating to him in a certain way. Now, another woman, has come along and is taking all of that away from her, (or that is the way she sees it anyway). Try having some heart, and allow her to adjust to this. Your fiance' needs to sit down with her and let her know how things are going to be, and tell her that his love for her is just as strong as ever, and that he loves her in a diffrent way than he loves you. I have been on this side of things and I know how it feels. However, my son come to me and we had a long talk and he made me see the logical side of things. It will not help if you are in the background pulling the other way when he is trying to help his mom get adjusted. That will only create hard feelings and get you off to a bad start with you new mother-in-law. Who needs that? Be patient and kind and try to understand. Things will work out but you have to give it time. Otherwise, you might as well decide now that you will not have a good relationship with your mother-in-law! Good luck! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
2016-05-20 21:44:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your hubby to be has to be on your side. Secondly, I had similar concerns with my mother and decided if she got out of hand with her wedding invitation requests, to tell her that I don't have the budget for it, but she is welcomed to throw a shower and invite anyone she wants, just let us know when to show up. Chances are she can't afford it either and the matter would be dropped.
2007-05-17 06:23:19 · answer #11 · answered by AMY S. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋