A friend of mine has a cousin that is getting married for the 2nd time. The 1st wedding was very extravagant and my friend bought them a very nice gift. We are confused as to the etiquette of 2nd weddings... Do you buy them a gift? What is proper?
2007-05-17 05:49:01 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You know I understand where you are coming from. One of my good friends got married to another good friend and my husband and I were just engaged at the time. We each bought separate gifts and were shocked when we both realized that together we spent far far far too much on them. We never got a thank you note and they divorced in less than a year. For her 2nd wedding, I went for the $10 route. If there is a 3rd wedding (which is looking likely) it will be a card. I mean I understand the point of a gift is wishing the couple well and of course you support them. But I don't believe that they should be rewarded and treat weddings as an annual birthday party and an excuse for gifts. Nor do I think that I should spend outside my budget multiple times for a woman that can't commit to anything outside of a big party with lots of gifts. Your friend has plans--perhaps saving for a house or new car--and she shouldn't mess up her budget on a gift.
Do I think everyone who gets divorced is someone who doesn't give enough thought into a marriage? Of course not. But most families have that one person who goes for 3rd and 4th weddings and it is simply not in my budget to provide her with everything she needs in life.
I agree with the post about wedding gifts are to help the young couple get a home established. If they have a home established, gifts aren't necessary. Few older widows who remarry receive lots of gifts. It's just not necessary. I say your friend should get them something to let them know she cares, but only spend what she can easily afford. After all, the bride probably still has the first gift as well.
Remember--contrary to popular beliefs gifts are not mandatory for admittance, nor are they weighed to measure how much you "love" someone. A gift is a sign of generosity. No one ever thinks a grandmother loves you less b/c your birthday card only has $5 in it. Instead you love your grandmother for thinking of you, and realize how hard it is to give each grandchild $5 every birthday.
2007-05-17 06:04:23 · answer #1 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Gifts are never required for weddings. If your friend wants to buy them a gift, then it doesn't matter how many times the cousin has been married before. If the cousin already has a home set up, I would buy something less extravagant this time.
2007-05-17 06:12:56 · answer #2 · answered by Flamekat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Technically, a gift is not required at any wedding; it is just a way for the guests to show their well wishes to the new couple. If you attend the wedding and eat at the reception however, it would be rude not to bring something. Unfortunately not all marriages last and many people do end up remarrying; you still give them gifts because you want to show your support for the new couple. Please keep in mind that while one person may be on their second or fifth wedding, it may be the first wedding for their spouse. It would be in extremely poor taste to give them less of a gift just because it is the second time around for the cousin. If finances warrant a smaller present this time around then that is another story. If the cousin starts making a habit of remarrying, stop attending the weddings and just send cards.
2007-05-17 06:04:39 · answer #3 · answered by Meems 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should buy them a gift. I was always told a gift is a way to wish a person well and that it was bad etiquite to show up without a gift. Also, it may not be the 2nd marriage for both of them. I personally would be hurt if someone didn't get me a gift because my future husband was married before!
2007-05-17 05:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Sarah K ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A small gift is acceptable. No need to go out and buy a $200 coffee maker, but a picture frame would be nice. It's still a significant day in their lives, so you want to signify it.
2007-05-17 06:01:19 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should still by them a gift. Check with family or with the bride to see if they are registered anywhere, if not then towels, candles and picture frames are always an appropriate gift.
2007-05-17 07:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, do you. What is proper is what you believe that they would need. If you believe they already have everything they need, then a gift card would be appreciated. Find out where they like to shop and get the gift card. If that's not possible, ask around to see what she would like.
2007-05-17 07:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by maryc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wedding gifts are NEVER mandatory. 1st or 2nd, you still only send a gift if you wish to.
2007-05-17 09:34:59 · answer #8 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting married is getting married, it doesn't matter if it's the first or fifth time. It's not only right but proper to buy for them as a gift, what you would have bought for them if it were the first time. If you ask me, I would say you buy them a new home. lol.
2007-05-17 05:56:07 · answer #9 · answered by Bantree 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes, you do buy them a gift. Money is appropriate no matter if the first, second or forth time!
2007-05-17 07:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by whymewhynow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋