How do I discontinue a close bond with a cousin that criticizes me too much?

Question

this is how I feel;
my cousin will be very generous and kind to those
whom she chooses to be;
but I believe now that she chooses to not be like
that towards me;
not because I let myself or because we are relatives;
but because I don't think she's pleased
when she starts to see that I feel very good about myself
and my accomplishments;
I realized that those times when I go to her
house dressed up and dolled up;
she makes the most criticizing remarks about me,
and I sense she rolls her eyes
whenever I start speaking with my wide extended
vocabulary,hey I studied hard!
so how do I drop her from my life?
It's not as easy as you may think;but I promise to feed in
your suggestions,feedback,and advice!

Answer 1

Are you sure you want her to be completely out of your life? I've experienced something similar and it can really be hurtful, but it doesn't sound like something that you should make a snap decison about when it will greatly affect your life after. Have you brought your feeling to her attention? She may be jealous and acting on it immaturely so you have to be the better person and try to heal things between you.

Answer 2

You worded the question well: how to discontinue a CLOSE bond.... She's your cousin, so it would be difficult (and painful for a lot of people) if you wanted her totally out of your life. But to stop being so close, just stop having time for her -- and I don't mean just saying you're busy. Take a class, volunteer at a shelter, visit the elderly, whatever you can think of to fill the same amount of time that you're spending with her right now. Not only will you not have time for your cousin, you will also get to meet new people, make friends, and choose to spend time with people who don't shoot you down.

Your cousin may pester you, or she may try to guilt you into spending more time with her, but I think you can say to her that you are trying to broaden your horizons, help others, learn something new, etc., etc., and let her draw her own conclusions. It wouldn't hurt to say, "Wow, I meet the nicest people down at the ________. I'm so glad I've started going. They're so friendly -- I could spend all my time there!" Some people need to be hit over the head with something, you know.

Answer 3

Don't dump your cousin out of your life you guys are family. Just take the time and talk to your cousin and find out was is really bothering her/him. He/she must have some issues and don't know how to talk about it at the moment. Don't be too pushy but let your cousin know that you will be there whenever he/she is ready to talk and resolve the problems. Also let your cousin know that it is bothering you as well when you notices her/him acting out, and that you want a close realtionship with her/him again. I hope that things will work out for you guys. Sometimes people hurt the ones they love. Teh love is there, but just be there for each other. That's what family is about.

Answer 4

instead of discontinuing the bond of the relationship, why not give her a bit of her own medicine. she enjoys putting you down, why not do the same back to her. once she gets a taste of it happening to her, she'll probably ask you why you are being so mean. then is the time to let her know your feelings, concluding with now you know how it feels, i won't do it to you if you don't do it to me. we are cousins, so why don't we both starting acting like it. we don't have to think the same, act the same or be the same -- but, what we can be is understanding of each other and realize that being different from each other is nothing to get angry or sarcastic about. talk it out with her first before you dismiss her from your life. good luck.

Answer 5

Yes i agree that is hard. In those type of cases those r the type of people that you will have to love from a distance. You may have to ease yourself away from her by engaging in things that will have you busy.Then too,there will come a time when you must confront that jealous spirit she has. Being around that type of person they will never be happy 4 you, they will rejoice when u r in trouble b Cuz they think u all on top. my sister dealt with criticism from her friends b cuz she's a virgin still b cuz she wants to Get married to have sex. they criticized her for 2yrs and she kept the comments they said to her inside until one day they criticized her again and she exploded with anger. and in her heart she secretly hated them 4 it. And i don't think u should want that to go that far. I would confront her the next time she criticizes u, then u can move on. Im the type of person that wants to smoothly move on when stuff i feel aint right but i learned that sometimes u got to confront your problems. its hard and nerve racking but u can do it.

Answer 6

first of all, why do you go to her house, if she bothers you? that is the first step toward severing the tie with her.

do what's best for you -- find other people with which to associate.

and don't let her comments and attitudes affect you. she's probably looking for a reaction, and you are giving her what she wants by exposing yourself to her actions.

take care.