My cousin's husband molested both of our daughters. She stood up for him by saying that my 13 yr old daughter seduced her husband. He was charged with 3 counts for her 12 yr old daughter,10 for mine. Her daughter admitted what he did to her,my cousin told my Grandmother that we made that up. She told lies about me and had a restraining order of 2 years put on me after I went off on them when he was bonded out. I did not touch him, only yelled. It is going on 5 years now. I was even banned from my Grandparents home for those 2 yrs, through the restraint order. My Grandpa passed this Febuary. I can't get past this pain she has caused me. I want to know how she can say that when he molested her daughter too? I seen her at a place we went to eat and I had a panic attack so bad that I thought was having a heart attack. My Grandma wants me to forgive her, but she won't hear me out. She only listens to my cousin. Please I need to hear from other people and thank you for reading this. HELP ME
2007-05-17 02:56:35 · 9 answers · asked by ? 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He recieved 24 years, do 12, we made sure of that so my cousins daughter would be old enough to leave her home if he returns to be with my cousin.
2007-05-17 03:24:56 · update #1
He was her stepfather. We have had counceling. The girls are doing better than me. I have such a hard time grasping what she has done.
2007-05-17 05:33:19 · update #2
You do know there are simpler issues like world-peace! lol
Sorry just trying to make you smile.
Listen if you piece of crap cousin want to stand by that freaking bastard let her. You just take soleus in the fact asoon as this man goes to prison he will get his!
If I was in that situation I would have to be locked up cause I do a whole lot more then yell at that sick pervert.
As far as your grandma goes try not to drag her into the middle. You have already lost your grandpa and you don't want to make her feel like she has to choose between the two of you, and really it is not fair that your grandma has to.
Try to make your grandma's last years on this earth as pleasent as possible. It sounds like your grandma is dealing with alot anyways with the passing of her husand.
Don't ever bring up the subject again to you grandma. Find other outlets, like maybe a srink.
You know you can get on medication for your anxiety.
I bet if you don't ever bring it up again your grandma will and you will find that she is proably on your side all along. Just try to set the truth straight when it comes back around your way.
Your cousin has issues and she is/ should be feeling guilty for letting this man around your/ her children. When people feel guilty they blame (simple psychology) so just let her. What do you have to prove any more? The man has been convicted and will get raped on a nightly bases in prison.
As far as your daughter goes I would sugest a psycologist that specailizes in child abuse and concentrate all your effort into getting her over this.You go to one too.
The best of luck to you and yours; just cause people are your family doesn't mean you have to like them, talk to them, or even acknowlede their exsistance! Good luck!
2007-05-17 03:26:51 · answer #1 · answered by Kathrine B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can a 13 year old daughter seduce someone' husband? The husband can say "no". He is the adult here. Even if that was the case, your daughters are the victims here. Your grandmother needs to know that the girls are suffering and struggling with all of this. Maybe you can have a family meeting where you can include the grandmother in the meeting to discuss the issues and come up with a solution and conclusion once and for all.
2007-05-22 11:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by maestra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness. This is a mess.
I would say that you need to avoid these people at all costs. You've obviously tried very hard to get them to listen to you and they refuse.
What happened to your daughter was crime and this man sh ould've paid for it. Don't let your cousin get to you. She knows the truth. Why would a young girl make accusations like that unless they were true?
It's a shame that you're grandmother won't listen to you. Maybe she is in denial? People tend to ignore issues that they know they can't deal with. Sort of a "ignore it and it will go away," but this is like trying to put a band-aid on a gaping wound.
You do what's best for your daughter. For now it seems like she should have no part of this madness. Keep her away from those people.
2007-05-17 03:06:01 · answer #3 · answered by am_marie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is the hardest thing to accomplish because of that nasty thing called resentsent that remains inside in some way. I can't imagine something like this and I am truly praying for you today. When people are wrong, they have a hard time admitting it because of pride. You are alot stronger than me because I wouldn't like to think what I whould have done to him if I saw him after the fact. When people like your grandmother are ashamed they tend to be prideful and live in denial as a normal way of life. Like blocking it out so she herself won't have to feel any emotion. Know that whoever you are and whatever you do, the person you have to come to peace with is yourself. Prayer is powerful. God doesn't put any thing on us we can't handle. I know that sounds easy, I just want you to be able to be the person that you have to be to show your child that sometimes bad things happen and sometimes when we recieve some inner peace our lives change. As horrible as this is, you will overcome. It is not your fault or your daughters. As far as your grandmother, if she requires forgiveness, she knows that someone other than you are in the wrong. Let her come to you if she needs some closure on this matter. You and yours are the victims, not the peacemakers. His daughter has a long road to travel as well, my prayers are with her also. I'm truly sorry for this event that scarred your life but know that there is still alot of life left. My wish is that you are able to make one step at a time and heal more everyday. The days that are the worse for you, God has you. Never forget! Good Luck to you and your family
2007-05-17 04:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Bobbie M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something like this happened to me when I was little. My uncle messed with me and when I told my parents they acted like I had not said a thing and now every time we have a family get together he is there and this really hurts to this day(I am 30) So my advice to you is to keep your daughter AWAY from him and don't worry about what your family says your kids should come first you need to be there for your daughter and don't worry about your cousin or your grandma I would not want my daughter to be around some one like that any way. Your daughter needs you trust me this will never leave your daughters mind it will follows her for the rest of her life. Thank God she has a mother like you who did something about it. Focus on her and Pray.
2007-05-17 03:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by Hollie D 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well let me start by saying that is so hard to go for not only for your daughters but also for you I went threw that myself and till this day it hurts to know that the man that hurt me got away free with nothing and I know to this day my parents feel really bad for me because they tried to help but nothing worked and as for your grandmother she might not want to see the truth that something so bad would happen in here family that's what older people do and as for your cousin she should notice that if he could do this to 2 children his is a sick in the head and needs help
2007-05-21 14:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi hon... you don't have to convince this woman that you've forgiven her.. in fact, you do not have to associate with her ever again if you do not wish to do so.
sometimes we have to protect ourselves emotionally, and sever ties (even with relatives). Just because your grandma wants you to do something, YOU have to think of yourself, and do what's best for you. Protecting yourself wouldn't be disrespectful of your grandma, rather it would be taking care of YOU.
Your grandma isn't thinking clearly, if she expects you to accept these people as friendly or as allies... because they are not.. You do not have to explain anything to your grandma...
We both know it's true that a 13 year old has absolutely NO control over an adult man, and it WAS NOT HER FAULT this happened... it was the adult man's fault, and he deserves to be punished for molesting a child... HE knows it was wrong, and hit was his choice to molest those girls... kids don't have control, and they were probably both scared to death.
I know how you're feeling in some ways... i haven't spoken with my father in over 16 years because of things he did to me as a child -- and even into my adulthood... i had to protect myself emotionaly, and can't expose myself to someone who is abusive. And i never will. I'm doing it for me, no one else.
I hope your daughter and the other girl have received some counseling since being molested. It is essential that victims of abuse get some help... especially to understand it wasn't their fault, and to develop coping skills to move forward with life.
Perhaps you would benefit from some therapy, too. Panic disorders are not fun to live with. I understand those, as well.
take care of YOU. that is the best help you can get... and try not to dwell on this, or let it run your life and emotions... (that is where therapy could be very helpful). You have other things to think about and take care of in your life....
perhaps someday you will forgive your cousin for her actions in your heart. you never have to tell her, if you don't want to.
take care. hugs.
2007-05-17 03:16:10 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your grandmother how you feel.
Who cares if she won't listen to you. Make her hear you out if you have to.
2007-05-17 03:03:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
im not really sure what to say to you im sorryy that this is happening to you though.....just stay strong and you will get through this carma is VERY strong and it comes around and goes around....wish you the best of luck!
2007-05-17 03:06:21 · answer #9 · answered by nicole j 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋