I need a favour.. can all the parents who let their babies *cry it out* to go to sleep leave an answer?

Question

My hubby and mother in law think its cruel to let our baby cry it out to go to sleep. Please help me to prove I'm not the only one whos ever done it :)

Answer 1

people tell me im cruel for doing that but sometimes its the only way. otherwise he'd play all night. i think there is a limit in the amount of crying though. i let my son do it for like 30-40 minutes and if he hasnt fallen asleep ill read him another short book or hold him awhile then start all over again. i dont think there is anything wrong with it.

Answer 2

It depends on the age and temperament of the baby.

When I tried to move my first baby into a crib after sleeping on me for six months (long story), I tried letting her cry out. Then I realized that she wouldn't. She would just get angrier and angrier, and then when I would finally go get her it would take another hour and a half to calm her down to where she would fall asleep.

My second child, who is 19 months, will often start crying at nap time. I learned that anything I tried to do to console (back rubs, singing) would make her more upset. So I feign sleep while she cries it out for a bit, and then she is ready to snuggle with me and go to sleep.

I would not leave the room while a baby cries it out. And I would only use letting them cry it out as an absolute last resort. I believe that letting a baby cry it out while you go in the other room and essentially abandon them is cruel. Even Supernanny suggests sitting quietly in the room with them.

You might want to read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley for more ideas so you can possibly avoid the need to let your baby cry it out.

Answer 3

I did this with my son and he's perfectly normal and healthy.
I am a loving mother who wanted what was best for her baby. At first, my husband was really against it too but once he talked to the dr. he thought we should give it a try. I'm not saying that it wasn't one of the hardest things you will EVER have to do, but it's important that you do so. I wanted nothing more than to go in there and hug and hold and rock my baby to sleep but I knew I had to be strong and be the parent so I let him cry the first night for about an hour! I was totally upset about this. There was a couple of times that I just wanted to go in there and scoop him up and cradle him in my arms and sing sweet hymms in his little ear but I stood strong. The next night when I put him into his bed he cried again! But this time it was only like 45 minutes. My husband and I were crying that first night because it was so hard to hear your baby cry and know that just being in your arms would comfort his little heart. On that second night, once we realized it didn't take him as long to go to sleep we started to have faith in what the dr was telling us. The next night it was like half hour and then the next day it was just a slight whimper and then within a week he was going to bed and sleeping through the night without me. This is NOT going to hurt your child and actually you are doing what is right for them because in the long run they are getting more sleep this way and actually better rest to. My son is now 8 yrs. old and is doing perfectly fine and knows that I love him deeply and so will your little one... My mom was also against me letting him "cry it out" because she rocked us all to sleep every night. I think if she had let me cry it out as a baby I would have learned to sleep more independently. I can remember as a child of about age 6-9 yo being so afraid because I had gotten so use to mom being there over every little thing I thought I might have saw, etc. My son never got use to that and now he is a better sleeper than I ever was. Good luck and I know you will do what is right with your baby. Trust yourself and everything will come out just fine.

Answer 4

My mother in law and hubby were the SAME way...and the worst part...my mom in law lived with us!!! It was a total nightmare! They didnt want to let our daughter cry but they didn't want to take care of her..who's that leave? ME. So when she was TEN months old and still not sleeping through the night, and I was still haveing to get up at 5:30 every morning to go to work..I had to say enough! I had to do something. We started a routine...at 7:30 bath time, after that we tell everyone good night and give out kisses, then we go to her room and her father and I tell her we lover her very much and sweet dreams and give her some warm milk and her pacifier (i know they say dont do that but it really calms her down) and I had to walk away (leaving on her night time music and nite lite) and let her cry for the first time. It was hard...I sat out on the porch cause it was tearing me up to hear her cry. but if she is clean, full, and not sick...she is FINE. After about 2 weeks of her sounding like someone was beating her to death...she stopped. She now goes to bed all on her own like a big girl and sleeps all the way through and as soon as she falls asleep we go and cover her up. I really wish I would have started it sooner...ten months is way too old to still be up all night. Kids are smart...they will continue to do what they know they can get away with. I shouldn't have let anyone guilt me into letting her do what she wants just to keep her from crying. You are her mom...you will always second guess yourself, as well as other (especially others(like mother in laws)) But ultimatly you know whats best for your child. Been there! If you need an ear you can email me!

Having a set scedule is the most important part of doing this...you have to start and finish through or it will not work.

Answer 5

I didnt do it. And I am going to tell you...I have a 13, 12, 10, 8 and 4 year old and I really miss those nights before bedtime rocking my baby in my arms feeling so close to them because I am lucky to get a kiss that is not asked for and I love you is always under the breath from the older ones who thought I was the best thing in th e world next to a bottle. So enjoy your baby while you can and get as much cuddling as you can because as they get older they dont want to cuddle. My 8 and 4 year old still do but it is only a matter of time that my 8 year old will be just like his tween and teen brothers. They love me no doubt but less affectionate and certainly would not want to cuddle.

Answer 6

I did it for my child, and now she is 7 and very happy, healthy, and well adjusted. The thing is, if your child is crying because it needs changing or feeding, then you can tend to it, but don't smile or play while you are doing it, and don't turn on a bright light. This will make the child think that it is playtime. But, if your child cries when you put it down to go to sleep because it simply doesn't want to go down or doesn't want to separate from you, then letting it cry it out is the best thing. It will probably only take 3 or 4 days to adjust and it will be better in the long run for both of you.

Answer 7

i have done this with all six of my babies, but first i made sure that they were dry and not Hungary and wind free, then i would put them into their cots to sleep, allot of the time they would drift off to sleep but other times they cried them selves to sleep, the only reason they cried was because they were over stimulated before bed time or board and wanted me to amuse them, i don't think its cruel as it teaches a baby routine and it also teaches them that i am in charge and that they cant dictate to me what time they go to bed no matter how old they are. just remember to never let them cry for any more that 5 minutes at a time as this can give them pains in their tummy's.

Answer 8

How old is the baby. Crying it out shouldn't be done before 6 months of age. We did use this for my son, but we waited until 9 months.. think we waited a little too long.

Answer 9

I think it's fine to do this.
My child was between 3 months and 6 months. Make sure you put your child to bed when they are tired, but awake. Don't let it cry for more than 20 minutes, but don't go in there before that. She cried for about 10 minutes the first night, and it decreased each night. She was not crying by the 3rd night.

Answer 10

Some kids are just harder to fall asleep than others. My oldest (now 8) honestly needed to cry every night to blow off steam. She is totally normal now, with the exception that she still doesn't like to go to sleep! Her personality and temperment were evident from the get go!

But I am with the chick who said if they are under 5 months, don't do it. Expect some crying at that age, but if they are freaking out, I would have a hard time leaving them to cry their lungs out. But by 6 months, you might just have to do that. I went in and tried saying ONE sentence such as it is night time, or time to go to bed, or everyone else is going to sleep and you are too. She would still be screaming and jumping in her crib, but I would do this for several hours. I eventually stood outside her door and said the same phrase in a loving but firm voice (no small feat when it is 11:30 at night!) The WORST mistake, in my opin, is to take them out of the crib and cuddle them after you have decided that they are going to bed. Then you have just taught them that if they scream for 2 hours, eventually, someone will come get them. Esp if your child is "strong-willed" like my oldest-- Then the stakes are even higher. You will not harm an older infant or toddler by being firm about bedtime. They actually crave structure and some are just more in your face about testing you. This includes bedtime. Do not fail this crucial step in your parenting!

Try to experiment with her daytime schedule too--like limit her naptime--or maybe the baby is fussy because she is in need of more daytime activity. It is really hard to tell! These little cuties don't come with instruction manuals and I am sure that whatever you do will come from a place of love. Don't be too hard on yourself--if this method of night time discipline doesn't work for you, then pick something else and stick with what works for you and your family.

A great book for you to read would be "love and logic for two to five year olds" by Jim Fay. Even though you only have a baby, you are already beginning the basic structure of how you will discipline your child. Good Luck!

Answer 11

It is so hard to do. It just tears at your heart to hear them cry. The problem is if you pick them up every time, they will learn to cry until they get what they want rather than to put themselves back to sleep. We have been more strict about crying it out with some of our kids than others. The ones that we were strict with sleep well every night. They go to bed on time, they get their sleep and are much better rested and happier in the morning. The two that we weren't as firm with, constantly wake up in the middle of the night, come in and wake us up, have to have us help them go back to sleep, and have a hard time waking up in the morning because they are not as well rested. It does feel cruel to do it, but it is more cruel to deny your child the chance to learn to sleep properly. That is a trait that will affect them the rest of their lives.