He has been spending every night with me, but its the same old... a few drinks, maybe a joint, him on the computer, or watching tv.... and then bed. He dosnt like sex all the time (due to bad ex's-its a turn off to him)
I want things to be like they were at the beginning - us doing more - like movies, hot pools, dinner.
I can't even talk to him about anything - I don't even think we have had a personal conversation in weeks....
I am trying to write him a letter to explain how I feel but would prefer answers from you to help with this.....!!!!!
2007-05-17 00:45:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What do I say, without making him feel pressured do I say I would like to know how he feels or where this is heading,.....?
Do I be straight up and say I'm getting bored!!!???
2007-05-17 00:55:53 · update #1
I AM GOING THOUGH THE SAME EXACT THING!!. okay I know I can't help you as much because I don't know what to do about my situation either. But you know I'll tell you what I tried to fix things. Lets see..your man might respond to you in a different way than mine did. I sat down and told him that I missed the old things we use to do and that for things to progress between the two of us we have to keep the fire burning. It seems they [men] have gotten comfortable with the one they are with because the chase is over. They've succeeded in obtaining what they were after in the first place so they feel they don't have to try twice as hard anymore. But us girls can become lonely and bored. If all he does is want to do the same routine when you guys hang out (which mine does) it will push you to go find the attention and comfort with someone else. Someone who will want to engage in activities TOGETHER. Why come over to hang out if thats all that you guys will be doing. And dear believe me if you don't try to change his perspectives on sex then it won't work. Show him what it really is about. Give him a good experience with sex.
Tip: You ought to remind him how lucky he is to have you. Remind him how good he has it. Probably you could exaggerate the story about the look that hot British guy gave you while walking down the street. A double glance and said "hello" in his most sexy hunky voice. Or how when you go out with the gal pals the guys can't give you a break. I bet if someone else had your attention he'd get jealous. He'll think twice about things because they can't afford to get hurt. Not to mention their jealous streak. He won't like other guys checking you out. And tell him that communication is crucial. I'm sure he doesn't want you to find someone who listens and pays attention.
Bigger tip: UPGRADE YOURSELF! Go shopping and go get yourself some cute fun flirty clothing. Get a new hair-do. Start looking your best. He'll be sure to notice the change
And most important you should initiate things. Don't wait on him to make a move. Next time he wants to come over plan ahead and have you guys go out. Since you went shopping and will look your best he will want to take you out the more. Do some activity with him that HE likes. He like it when you're having fun with him doing his thing.
2007-05-17 05:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think writing him a letter is a very good idea. Alternatively (or in addition_, if you want to break the pattern you may have to start doing so yourself: take him out! Plan an evening - don't tell him what exactly you will be doing and organize something nice (that movie, hot pools...) with of course a romantic dinner in the end, during which you also have the occasion to have a longer and serious conversation about your relationship.
2007-05-17 07:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by deborah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is that you are letting him act like he is your husband and that's what husbands do. Why is he with you every night? Doesn't he have a place of his own?
You need to be separate. You are only bf / gf and not married. If he wants to see you, he needs to make a prior appointment. You have to do your own stuff and maybe if you get a chance see him once or twice a week. Just like in the beginning, right? I think you guys are spending way too much time together and it's getting boring. My two cents.
2007-05-17 07:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by Tourang B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first, you have to carry a positive attitude about your relationship, understand that it takes two to tango. So its not that your boyfriend doesn't do anything with you anymore, its that the two of you don't do anything together anymore. I've been told that the best way to get something done is to do it yourself sometimes, be proactive about it, don't wait on him to make the decisions. Just say something like, "I wanna go see Spiderman-3, I think I'll ask some friends to come out with me, wanna go?". Or show that you want to do what he's interested in, suggest that you two can go paint balling or to play laser tag, every guy likes war games. Plus it will get you out of the house and even though you may think you may not like it, you will. For two reasons, its fun to be active, and you'll be with him. Also sometimes you have to set yourself aside and aim to please the other person, in turn you will be pleased by their happiness.
2007-05-17 07:56:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ronnie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U shud suprise him with something he REALLY likes. After u kiss, hav a bit ov a rumble in the jungle afterwards tell him why u did it. Actions speak louder than words. Tell him that u r trying to make things work. You can only go halfway and he has to meet you the rest of the way. If after that, he still does not want to have a good, fun relationship with you, then i would say its bye bye. U' workd hard at makin it work and if he not puttin his effort into it, then it shows he don't want much to do with it.
2007-05-18 07:07:17 · answer #5 · answered by vongi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write the letter, but seriously, start going out to do all the things you want to do, without him. Call a girlfriend and start going out places with her. Stick to your guns and if he calls, he can come out and join you, but under no circumstances cancel a night out with a friend because he asks you to and doesn't have a better option.
He may be depressed for some reason, but he sure isn't treating you like a girlfriend. More like your place is somewhere to escape to.
2007-05-17 07:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by HerbGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him how you feel. He might not even realize that he's making you feel this way. But if he still continues with this behavior, then maybe you should move on. Because if annoying you now its only going to get worse later. You can't make someone change, they have to want to change.
2007-05-17 07:51:01 · answer #7 · answered by Ms B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like it's time to put some distance in the relationship and see where he stands. It would seem like he is no longer in to you or has changed his position on you. Does he actually have a place to live or has he kind of moved in with you? If he has then it would seem like it's more of a relationship of convince. If that’s the case you need to put in some distance.
2007-05-17 07:51:43 · answer #8 · answered by gearnofear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called courtship for a reason, if he won't even have a conversation with you and you have to force him to even talk to him maybe it's time to realize this isn't the one.
2007-05-17 07:53:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ASK him to cut down of the joints & the drinks, & talk to U.
If that fails,DUMP HIS ASS & MOVE ON.
He doesn't love U enough to make an effort in the relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-17 07:57:16 · answer #10 · answered by Klingon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋