I lost my father to cancer 13 years ago and i am still consoleing my mother and my brothers and sisters, they all miss him very much and moarn over him but i dont.. he was a good father but i feel nothing for him, just annoyed at him for leaving me to deal with everyone else, sounds selfish i know,
Therapist reckons i havn't moarned him yet and thats why i feel like i do.i cant go to his grave, i cant talk to him i cant even look at his picture, yet i nursed him to the day he died and loved and respected him dearly,now all i feel is empty..
2007-05-17 00:28:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
It is very typical to feel that way after a death...even 13 years after a death. It sounds like you haven't mourned yet, and sounds like you want to so that you can go on with your life. However, some of the therapists you've seen may not be looking for the underlying cause that would prevent you from mourning your father's death. It sounds like you are very angry and very frustrated at your father. Or maybe part of you feels betrayed, because you spent so much time taking care of him and after he died, you're now taking care of the rest of your family. There are a few issues to work out here. I help people through situations like these all the time and I am currently building a website to help people in need. Feel free to email me at rachelle.root@yahoo.com and I can help you work through the underlying causes of your anger so that you can finally mourn and finally let go. Take care.
2007-05-17 00:42:08 · answer #1 · answered by Rachelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your family are the ones that need therapy. You never forget, but continuous crying and such is quite unusual after 13 years. I lost my mother 12 years ago, and I could not have loved anyone any more than I loved her. I break down in tears everyday. Maybe once in awhile when something reminds me of a good memory I had with my mother. Even then it doesn't last but a few minutes.
You should really try to come to terms with his death, however. It would relieve some of the emptiness you feel. Try looking at his picture and going to his grave.
2007-05-17 00:44:05 · answer #2 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother died 20 years ago; my father died 7 years ago. I did not mourn my mother; I deeply mourned my father. A few years ago I thought I should try to get in touch with my feelings about my mother, and I decided to write her a letter. It turned out to be 15 pages long, and ranged from my interaction with her as a child and adult, about things that happened, and in the end I was crying (for the first time).
Good luck.
"
2007-05-17 01:11:06 · answer #3 · answered by Kris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you never really got to mourn because you were the one helping everyone else. I don't think you ever really "get over" the death of a loved one. My aunt died suddenly in 2005 and I still think about her every single day, but I don't let it bother me and I'm not extremely saddened by it anymore. Maybe, if your family is still really grieving, you could suggest grief counseling for them and even for yourself. Everybody mourns in their own way, some later than others. Hang in there. You've helped out your family and now it's probably time to help yourself out some.
2007-05-17 00:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by Steph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting over a death is not easy. In your case it appears you were mad at him for making you nurse him and now you are mad at him because you have to deal with your family about his death.
I have lost parents/wife/child and none were easy. But anger was never part of any of these.
If I were you I would go to his grave alone, talk to him, explain your anger and then walk away. Say what you have to say and end all your issues with him & his death.
Do this and maybe then you can have the peace you apparently are looking for.
Good Luck.
2007-05-17 00:38:55 · answer #5 · answered by Joe Ski 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to here about your dad and no you do not get over it you just have to learn to deal with it this could take years as you say it's been 13 now, if it's so difficult and affecting every day life why not see a bereavement councilor.
2007-05-17 02:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by DarceyLea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In most of the cases time heals all the wounds. Its no good to mourn for a long time as it only make you feel sad. Focusing and working for a better future can bring hope and happiness in the life.
2007-05-17 00:38:32 · answer #7 · answered by azurewaters1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think not-
I lost my father , brother, and sister within a 3 year period .
Not a day goes by without them in my thoughts.
Somedays are better than others -
I believe its not something to get over as much as learning to except.
2007-05-17 00:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by Savage Grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don`t think that you ever really do, there will always be a hole in your life but the pain lessens with the passing of time until one day you find that you can cope once more.
2007-05-17 00:37:46 · answer #9 · answered by Sentinel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You get over it, you remember them for how they were, you shroude yourself in the your memories of them and lose yourself in the memories of your best imes, worste times, the biggest arguement you ever had and the most touching moment you ever shared.
thats how you can keep them alive, even after their passing away
2007-05-17 02:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Satan's avatar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋