My bf of over a year is legally going through the mill with his soon to be ex wife, lives with me, they've been apart for nearly 4 years etc
But the other night when he was dropping his kids with her, they had an argument etc, he came back to me very stressed etc, and as we were lying in bed later that night, he said "i can't believe i'm losing her forever"
He said he meant it "as a friend", am i a total fool for even asking him why he said it, now everything he does is annoying me...
Time to move on???
2007-05-16 22:00:24 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I also know from him, that when he was with his last g/f he asked his ex wife if they could get back "for the kids sake"
2007-05-16 22:10:30 · update #1
Separated myself and i have the children, so i respect the father duties part, that is not the issue...
2007-05-16 22:11:52 · update #2
Wow... makes me believe they had more going on than you were aware of. When i got rid of my wife I was lonely at first but overwhelmingly happy that I was not fighting and arguing every night and day with a crazy woman. It was a low point as far as the marraige but I was not the least bit concerned about not getting to see her anymore and we had two children together. I simply (OK not that simply) got sole custody by out smarting her and moved on to a much better life. Move on and find someone that does not want to ever lose YOU!
2007-05-16 22:09:14 · answer #1 · answered by sirdouglas527 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
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2016-05-07 19:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by Grover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really tough, it does sound like he revealed some true feelings in an unguarded moment, that however does not mean he doesn't love or care about you.
Do you know the reason for the marriage breakdown? If it was she who 'fell out of love' with him, why?
He may be sensitive and feel that he has failed his kids because he couldn't hold it together, or maybe he behaved in a way that caused the break up.
It will be difficult to discuss the situation without causing a big argument, although I don't think you should try to ignore the situation perhaps it would help to approach it from a different angle?
How does he behave with your kids? Do you think he feels that he will have 'new' kids and lose his own when the divorce goes through?
Are there extra financial pressures involved, will his ex move away and make it harder(not necessarily deliberate)
Not surprising you are getting upset because you feel the dynamics of your own relationship have changed, try to put those emotions on hold for a few moments and ask yourself what you get out of this relationship in an emotional way.
Is he usually supportive? Romantic? etc.
Only you can decide whether what is happening is a natural feeling of loss from the mother of his children, or whether it is a more deepseated situation of still being in love with her.
If he is still in love with her, the best thing you can do is suggest he does everything he can in a last ditch bid to save his marriage. This will show a level of support and love that he would not have expected and also trust.
It is a gamble, the odds are against you in two secnarios to one.
2007-05-17 02:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-11 08:04:22 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be too hard on him, he once had a sacred relationships with her. He also has kids and to be on such bad terms with their mother is hard. When you are leaving a marriage, there are a lot of feelings that you have to leave behind!! Remember that she was his wife and at one point he loved her. It might be that he only now realized that it is all over.
He'll be OK, just support him!!
This doesn't mean that you should forget the comment, there are situations that divorced couples get back with each other so just keep your ears and eyes open for a while! And talk to him, tell him that you felt hurt by his comment and that you felt that he still loves her or has any feeling for her.
2007-05-16 22:14:42 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. Bloom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him a break this has been going on for a long time and marriage is a serious commitment.
he will be very stressed and his emotions will be all over the place they still have children together and they had a lot of good times together.
he probably feels like a failure because he couldn't make this work, you don't say why they are divorcing but if the wife was to blame this could be the case.
he will always love her because she is the mother of his children this doesn't mean he has any less for you but the children they have together will bond them for life.
this will soon be over hang in there and support him if you really love him.
2007-05-16 22:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by shell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is always hard for some guys to let go , I believe maybe his ex wife manipulates him and she probably uses the kids like most women do ! I would ask him outright what he wants out of life ? What his plans are ? Make him think about his life , and his direction he is going because you have been through what he is going through and you don't want or deserve to be hurt again !!! And depending how you feel about him ,yeah sometimes its worth cutting your losses and move on !! Good luck with the outcome !
2007-05-16 23:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by yoursandmine05 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though they are divorcing he has had a relationship with her and they have children together which ties them together. Maybe he is only now accepting the enormity of the situation, that doesnt mean he is regretting being with you and losing her.
I divorced from my husband last year and although I hate him for how he treated me I still think of the good times we had and how it all went wrong. In no way do I want to get back with him but, as a new chapter with my new partner looms, its a bit scary.
Dont make any knee jerk reactions to his comment, tell him that it made you feel insecure if you must do but enjoy what you have together.
2007-05-16 22:07:56 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never missed my ex-wife. I was glad she left. I will not even talk to her - I get my mother to talk to her. My children used to live with her. They left her, without any encouragement from me. She has caused all of us great financial and emotional loss. But even all of us sometimes wonder how it all got so crazy. There were some good times. Unless you broke the marriage up, I think that you are reading way too much into it. If it keeps on going, then that is a different matter.
2007-05-16 22:07:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its your call, but I think its a bit harsh of him to call you a fool for having hurt feelings over this. I would have reacted the same way as you on hearing those words, and whilst I appreciate he's having a stressful time, if he's not even prepared to consider your feelings after he made such a selfish remark as that then I do think that shows a worrying lack of respect for you generally.
2007-05-16 22:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋