My partner and I have been together for 7 yrs on and off , we broke up before for many reasons like cheating on me (twice), left for someone else, left me when i was pregnant to his first baby - looking back I know I had no self respect cos i went back everytime although i knew i could do alot better i suppose i am attracted to *** holes.. any way the last time we got back 2 years ago he promised he'd change and guess what he has, hes soo good to me, moved in together and had another girl, hes a good dad but i sort of fell out of love.Then his brother comes into the scen after not speaking to my partner for many years, it my first time to meet him and this was 3 months ago and now hes confessing to loving me, he adores me and said he'd sucrifies his family to be with me but hes my babies uncle. My partner doesnt know, i havent cheated and even thou i fell out of love i still care for my partner. should i go ahead with his brother or not take any risks?
2007-05-16 21:41:55 · 23 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That is going to be sooo bad, if you are getting on so well why are you interested in his Brother.
You accepted him back even after cheating (which I don't condone) on you twice and now you are contemplating on splitting the other brothers family up, is he married, got kids?, you have so much to think about and please don't ignore the fact that this will split the two brothers and their family up for good, so consider the consequences.
Good luck.
2007-05-16 21:51:27 · answer #1 · answered by Tooly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Low self-esteem ('no self-respect') means that you think you're less attractive than you really are. This guy, this guy's brother, any bloke in the street, and most of the men in the next town, would probably fancy you on sight. If they got to know you (as these two have), they might adore you just as much.
Presumably, that doesn't mean that you'd want a close relationship with all of them. Or with anybody else (everybody else ?) who also adores you! You didn't mention falling in love with the brother, only 'out of love' with your current fella.
Being attractive enough to choose your partner needn't be a 'nasty situation'. The tricky bit is turning down heartfelt offers without offending anybody. And without feeling like you missed out.
From what you say, you have a secure relationship which is less exciting than a passionate offer you've also received. Each of these can change, and you also have the welfare of your children to consider.
Love isn't just about feeling well fancied or having lots of exciting sex. Loving these guys, who both claim to love you, shouldn't mean you have to make a pressured decision. If they do love you, (and each other) they'll respect your decision, and they'll help you to make the right one.
2007-05-17 22:00:54 · answer #2 · answered by Fitology 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very nasty situation that would get even nastier. Moving onto the brother would be just a little bit of revenge, but think of the confusion for your children, not to mention total family upheaval. You would never have peace. It seems if your partner was really committed in any case you would be married. Personally I don't think leopards change their spots and families have a habit of sticking together and taking sides. Don't do it Don't do it. You don't like bad boys do you? You owe your kids the best chance at life and that means no drama. Good luck with it all .
2007-05-16 23:29:43 · answer #3 · answered by flip 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is obviously a lot of water under the bridge between you and you're partner, there comes a point in relationships like yours when you need to decide if you can let the past go and move on either with the father of you're children or alone defiantly not the brother.
you are allowing this man to turn you're head because you feel flattered by him and you're self esteem has been so badly bruised by you're partner cheating and leaving you when you were pregnant, a time when you needed him most.
why has his brother not been around for so long does he have a history with you're partner ?
listen you really need to be open and honest with you're husband tell him the whole truth, say you are hurt by his cheating and lying, or go and see a counsellor together and really try to put the past behind you i know this will be hard to do but you both owe it to you're children to try you're best to make this work.
try to be together more often alone and put some romance back into life so often we get caught up in day to day stuff we forget how to be just us not a wife or mum .
i hope this helps XX
2007-05-16 22:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by shell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are no longer in love with your partner then u should let him know its over you can't stay with someone u no longer love, take some time out, for a couple of mouths to get a clear view on your feelings before you do anything drastic. after all the other man is your partners brother, who have only just made up with each other. good luck :)
2007-05-16 21:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don"t do it!!! Not with your partners brother anyway, nothing good will come of it.. It would be upsetting enough for your partner, realising that you have fallen out of love with him after he has made the effort of changing things,,,To find out he is losing you and his children to his brother whom he has only just let back into his life will be devastating and will cause absolute mayhem, with you and your children caught up in the middle of it, surely you dont want that!!
I also suspect that your partners brother can see that you are vulnerable at the moment and is trying to take advantage you... If you have fallen out of love with your partner then leave him, BUT not to go with his brother....good luck
2007-05-16 22:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by EZ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I DO NOT think you should go ahead with the brother. If you don't love your partner then move on,there are billions and billions of men in the world why do you need to go for your partners brother, I'm sorry,but that just seems trashy to me.If you were to be with him you would be getting back at your partner for all the things he did to you,but don't stoop to his level. It's easier to do the worng thing,some times it is very difficult to do the right thing,but trust in God and yourself,you do have the strength to do the right thing. Good luck Hun
2007-05-16 21:50:05 · answer #7 · answered by Deerrunner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you think you'd feel, if you had an Affair with his Brother?, You really would feel bad then, & be left with no Respect at all. Don't get involved with his Brother, { "Unless your ready to be in a Deeper mess" }. You'll only be doing an Injustice to Yourself, & the Family Too!!. Try & make what you now have more Solid, for Your Sake, & Your Family. " I wish you Happiness in all you do". "Shiral", & "Luck Be On Your Side!!!!!".
2007-05-16 22:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a messy situation altogether.
I would choose the option that seems the most "right". It is always best to do the right thing and be honest as well.
When i say right - the right thing for you and your children. It should "feel" like the most peaceful option out of all the options you have.
You need to consider not just yourself but your children too.
When you say at the end "or not take any risks" it seems like you are saying that it is better not to?
Good luck with it all.
:)
2007-05-16 21:53:34 · answer #9 · answered by Nic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you care about tour partner even if you dont love him you musent get invoved with his brother as it can rip a family apart and you must think of the kids they may never forgive you later on...my advice would be to seperate from your current partner and live on your own for a bit to gather your space and learn to love yourself then when a man enters your life youl be free to be with him and no guilt...his brother is taking advantage of the fact that your down at the moment and could just want to score points against his brother...good luck hun and hope you become strong to be a good mum and kind to yourself x
2007-05-16 21:56:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋