How can I help my ex-felon sister who is having a hard time adjusting to the society.?

Question

She was incarcerated for 1 year bec of an accident blamed on her. Her case expired, she's not on probation or parole. She's been out for 4 months now but she cries all the time, depressed most of the time and not trusting and avoiding the public, avoiding her friends.

Answer 1

Wow, some scary answers here, and I hope, most definitely, you do not advise her to try to medicate her feelings or just be blindly sentenced to therapy.

Anti-depressent drugs are an overwhelming failure and, very often, such an approach not only fails to solve the problem, but, even worse, can inflict a whole new set of problems. As for the generalized comment of "get a therapist" or to put her in counseling, again, this serves no purpose unless she can identify why she is feeling the way she's feeling, and, sadly, far too many therapists are all to happy to take a client's money and then provide very little in return in the way of real problem-solving.

So, enough about what would not work -- what will work?

Well, first and foremost, she has a great resource and ally in you, because obviously you care -- you care enough to be seeking help for her, and I applaud you for that. Not only do you see that she needs help, but you also see that her incarceration was apparently not even any fault of hers, and so you see that she not only is trying to adjust from being in prison, but she also is wounded, emotionally, by having been betrayed by a system that is supposed to protect people, not blindly incarcerate people for things they did not do.

What help can you give? Well, the truth of the matter (and this is always difficult when we love someone who is going through tough times) is that the only person that can really help her, is her. But, you can certainly do your part to try to help bring her to a place and point where she is able to start taking the actions she needs to take in her life to begin the healing process from what has happened to her.

Specifically, what is always needed for folks transitioning out of prison is a "transitional" period that provides a bridge to reconnect. Remember that someone who has been to prison, especially without cause, has quite a different view of society than those who just believe all the bumper stickers about our country. So, definitely, there is adjusting time that is needed, to consider where and how you even want to try to fit in a society that doesn't want you, sees you as a second class citizen, and apparently was cruel enough to put you in prison for something you didn't even do. Heck, I'd be a bit untrusting too after something like that.

Society, unfortunately, makes this transition process even more difficult by almost refusing ex-felons any chance to re-enter society as "normal" people, making it very difficult to find employment, to find housing, or even to be accepted as an equal person, equal to the supposedly wonderful "non-felons" who seem to think they make up the "better" part of society. So, consider that she is suffering from a great loss in her life, because she now, quite likely, may not even feel that she has a "rightful" place in society, because of being labelled as a felon and now having a criminal record.

Services to help ex-felons are few, and, particularly because it sounds like she does not have any sort of real "criminal" background, she may be finding that, not only does she not fit with society, but she doesn't even fit with "real" criminals, meaning she really won't even relate to being in a traditional "ex-felon" transition service program.

So, this is a gal who kind of has no place to call home right now, and you can expect that this is not going to be easy.

She has a right to feel disconnected, depressed, and certainly, after being tossed in prison for something she did not do, she has more than a right to feel a lack of trust for others, and to feel that she wants to just avoid life altogether, especially any "friends" who now treat her differently because of what has happened.

A lot of the necessary process ahead also depends on factors you have not provided, such as her age, how this has affected her ability to work, or her career if she had one, or her schooling, and such important elements as, did anything happen to her during her incarceration that might have traumatized her, does she have hopes or plans for the future, how has her imprisonment affected such hopes, and what was her life before prison, etc. All of that is very relevant when trying to look at post-incareration adjustment.

So, there's information here we don't know, which makes it a bit more challenging to offer specific suggestions, but, even so, some general ideas to consider:

1. Recognize the fact that she has been deeply impacted by a situation that left her feeling vulnerable, betrayed, and likely feeling ruined as a human being, especially considering that, not only was she innocent, but certainly it sounds like this has been her only trouble with the law, meaning that she is very likely feeling that her entire world has been turned upside down, and she very likely doesn't really even have a sense of what world she is supposed to adjust to.

2. Understanding where she is, try to have her connect with where she is, by really talking with her about how she views what has happened to her, what she feels she is able to do or wants to do with her life now that she is out of prison, and where she feels she might begin as a first step. If she can begin to see her life from an objective point of view, she can begin to "detach" from the experience itself, and, therefore, instead of allowing the experience to manage her, she can begin to gain management power over the experience. Right now, it sounds like she is very much in the midst of what she is feeling, and rightfully so, but the goal is to begin to help her to step outside of what she is feeling, so she can start to control her response to the situation, instead of just continuing to react.

You can help with that by giving her a place to talk about the situation in a safe and nurturing environment. You may learn other things have happened that are also contributing to her depression and avoidance issues. After all, prison is no joke and, while many stories are exaggerated by those who have never done time, it is very true, nonetheless, that she needs to talk about the prison experience itself, and to address any possible further traumas she went through, or things she witnessed, or events that have left scars in her psychological landscape. The more she can talk about what she's been through, the better, so work to avoid the trap of thinking she needs to just "put it behind her and move on." She's been through stuff, and she needs to work through it, and you need to be sure she has no other damage to now address, that goes even beyond just the fact of her incareration.

3. Finally, work to support her as much as you are able in her efforts to take that first step, if she has indentified one, and help her to begin to chart a path for where her life will now go. If she isn't yet a first step point, then encourage her, with you as a sounding board, to create a plan that has includes a destination, and, most importantly, a place to begin working toward that end goal. Ask her to share with you her view of her life in terms of past, present and future, considering what are her life assets (what's working for her, that she can build on -- talents she has, education she has, people in her life who are helping her, etc.) and what are her life liabilities (what's not working for her, that she needs to learn to minimize or solve -- a criminal record, feelings of low self-esteem, anger toward society, distrust of people in authority, etc.).

I firmly believe that the best track toward progress is to create a path to get there. Such is why I encourage you not to advise general therapy or a regimen of meds. Keep in mind that she is depressed for a REASON, and getting to what is BEHIND her depression is the key to addressing it. It fails to solve anything to just try to medicate away her negative feelings fails to solve anything, to just park on a therapist's couch, or to just try to plug in some wing-nut religious views. Such is why people on anti-depressents, people in generalized therapy, and people who turn to the "Jesus-needle" of religion tend to continue to suffer the symptoms they are feelings, because no one is helping them to address the CAUSES behind those symptoms, so nothing is getting solved.

At the end of the day, your dear sister has issues that need to be solved. Most imporantly, what is her plan, now that her life has been impact by this incarceration? Is she feeling the readiness to even make a plan? If not, why not? What issues need to be resolved in order for her to move forward again in her life? Is she networked with a support system that can help her to achieve her goals? What resources does she need, and what are her plans to access those resources? What obstacles are in her way and what's the plan to address those obstacles?

Her best motivation will be steps of success, where she feels the progress she is making, which is why working toward practical forward action is important -- even if it's a small action, if she can start to do something, anything, that puts her back in control of her life in a positive way, that's a very necessary element in her regaining the necessary internal motivation that we all need to face life on life's terms.

Be patient in your approach, be practical in your suggestions, and be positive in helping her to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel in which she now finds herself.

Again, I applaud you for caring for your sister. Many, many families are now impacted by having had family members involved in the so-called "correctional" system, but, sadly, many families are not equipped to handle that impact. Often family members turn away, and often family members turn the ex-felon away to seek help elsewhere. You are providing help where it is most valuable and most effective, within your sister's own support system, and that gives your sister an excellent opportunity to begin to heal from this trauma.

My thoughts are with you both.

Answer 2

actual, giving a faux answer isn't a legal, or perchance a criminal offense in inner most sector jobs. Your credibility kinda wandered away on that one. "it truly is between the major motives of recidism." 2 issues - first, the note is recidivism. 2d, being unwilling to settle for a job that an organisation is prepared to attempt a felon out on is more beneficial the reason behind repeat offenses. Felons who opt for that they prefer to artwork at a economic organization or as a cashier or in a pharmacy and then get discouraged at the same time as they locate that they are no longer eligible for that type of work is the reason behind repeat offenses: those who do not overlook that they prefer to commence over and pay some dues engaged on the vehicle wash are those who pull themselves up and create sturdy lives and develop into people we are chuffed to have in our communities. "that's a variety of double jepory and is illegitimate in some states" 2 issues: first, the note is jeopardy. 2d, an employment software with the question, "have you ever been convicted of a legal?" is neither double jeopardy nor unlawful. In any state. this question sounds like it had an unique sturdy reason, and would were more beneficial ideal posed like this: "it form of feels that ex-felons fairly have a complicated time getting respectable jobs. Is it because employers concern ex-felons?" That probably would have elicited some tremendous responses from both ex-felons and employers alike. once you pad your question with 1/2-****** nonsense, it makes it dull and probably will pass rather a lot disregarded. - Stuart

Answer 3

If you could just try to get her to get some counseling for the sake of her wellness. She is going through a lot, just due to the fact she was blamed for something she didn't do, or just because she was there, authorities can charge her the same way the person committed the crime for accessory.

For your sister just be there for her the best way that you can. The jail systems are corruption, in there it's another world full of drama and the people that work in there allow these inmates to have rights. You see specials on Television, nonsense to make it look good, it's under control. People die everyday from corrupted cops set up's, and dirty cops allow them to bring drugs in, and even know when someone is going to get raped in there, they get to everything fast enough, why cant they catch them in the act right away and break it apart as they do with fights, because it's fixed.

So your sister seen a lot of junk in there, and or had to do things to survive. That has her feeling worthless, but as long as you tell her that she is worthy, you can help her start feeling good about herself. You understand and you are willing not to judge her maybe she can open up to you for support to get her out of the trans mind she's in, good luck for the love you have for her to help her out, she need's it. She's lucky to have a sister like you...

Answer 4

Encourage her to get into a support group for other women transitioning from being incarcerated. Encourage her to volunteer helping others less fortunate than her. Encourage her to join community groups and to join a church. Encourage her to create a support group for other women like herself who will come out of prison in the future. Encourage her to go to programs where she can volunteer with people less fortunate or more isolated than she is.

Encourage her to find her "purpose," and interests she is passionate about and to get involved in those activities so that she can find others who have similar values and/or interests.

Get her books or articles to read about other women who were incarcerated and had to start their lives over. Get reading materials on post traumatic stress or grief after a devastating loss. Let you know that you "need" her for something so that she can feel useful and rebuild confidence and self esteem. Get her into leadership roles on a small scale to start.

Offer to pay for her to have a few sessions with a career counselor. Maybe she can start an online business. Give her tons of positive feedback - but be genuine, not condescending or judgmental. Or, simply ask her about herself, what she thinks, feels. Ask her to talk about what happens in the course of her day. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

All those other people have great answers. Let's look at them.

She needs therapy and continue your emotional support : )

the best thing you can do for her is get her to a therapist - she is depressed and probably needs anti-depressants plus someone neutral to talk to helps as well...

Go with her to get counseling. Be her support group. Let her know that you love her no matter what.

Best Wishes
.

Answer 6

she may have gotten a little institutionalized --and maybe something happened to her in there that she is afraid of people finding out and it makes her feel guilty or ashamed --or just the fact everyone knows she spent some time could make her feel the same--keep loving her and trying to talk it out with her and be available to her when she needs your help--starting all over as a felon isnt easy--maybe you could get her to go to a counselor

Answer 7

You must remember that being blamed for something yo did not do and then have to pay for it is not easy , she properly feel betrayed and ashamed. I think that you should talk to her friends about how they feel about it and if its OK with them let them come and visit to tell her how they feel as she might think that they also blame her or feed ashamed of her, she will then realize that they still love her and will still stand by her. Other then that just stand by her. Good luck

Answer 8

Perhaps she needs time to her self. And the best way to help her is to help her help herself. <---hope that made sense. I think you should suggest your sister get a job or take online classes or even go to college. Be patient with her and help her to adjust. She probably feels ashamed. Spend time with her watching movies she likes or cooking with her. I think she should also get some thearpy. That might help her understand what she is going through.

Answer 9

Well..... first you have to reallize that she feels embarrassed cause not only does she feels that it's not her fault but she feels that she have lost a peice of her life. If she believes in God she really has to trust God to make a way for her and her future.
If she doesn't believe in god then she has to face 1 main fact that she is trying not to except........

That is that it happen and there is nothing that she can do in life about changing it now......People have been killed for thinks that they have not done....... She needs to realize the things that could have happen but didn't..........but yo be srtong for her...........

Your bro in Chirst
QKE24

Answer 10

Post traumatic syndrome...she doesn't feel like herself anymore..she needs to reestablish her identity..however her self esteem is so shot she lacks the motivation to move forward...she needs support and guidance...take things slow and steady...needs structure, a job...any decent job...most of all she needs positives in her life not negativity.

Answer 11

just keep reminding her that you want her around, and that you love her, help her to get a job, take her places, set her up with people, take her dancing and stuff, whatever she used to like to do, take her and do that, just try and perk her up, other than that, its just going to take her time to get back in the natural swing of things, being in jail for a year is like being on a different planet, its sucks, and its hard to cope with real life when you get out, but she will come around