star if it makes you laugh?

Question

and give me some Ideas
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

14 men and 1 woman ended up in Iraqi waters; guess who was reading the map


"All through the winter of '43 we had translators working, in joke-proof conditions, to try and produce a German version of the joke. They worked on one word each for greater safety. One of them saw two words of the joke and spent several weeks in hospital."

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Give her a shovel.

A man working in an office was in love with a lady.but he knew that the lady had a boyfriend.one day, he asked the lady.
'can i sex u for 100 dollars?'
the lady said 'no way.'
'i won't take time. i will throw the money on the ground nd will sex with u till u pick up the money.'
the lady agreed.the day they were sexing the lady's boyfriend waited at the door.after about an hour,the lady came out.the boyfriend asked.
'why did u take so long?'
'oh love,i had to.he sexed me so nicely.and just because he threw the money in coins

fifteen year old walks up to his friend, and tells him he has as relationship problem. "Ya see, there's this girl at swimming, she's real cute. I always get erections when I look at her. And you know what it looks like to have one in a bathing suit..." His friend tells him to tape his dick to his leg. The next day, he goes up to the girl and kicks her into the pool, tragically ending their relationship.

After you've dated someone, it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch

I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:


A Litre of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A Litre of orange juice,
A head of lettuce,
A can of coffee,
And one pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly. "


A housewife wakes up late one night to what sounds like shattering glass in her living room below. Taking the utmost precaution, she puts on her nightgown, and tip-toes downstairs. She sees her husband sitting on his recliner with all the fine drinking glasses and two half full bottles of liquor next to him. Across the room there is a mountain of shattered glass. The husband pours a fresh glass, quickly drinks it, and throws it across the room with a loud CRACK! adding to the glass pile. "Whats the matter, honey?" the wife asks.
"I don't wanna talk about it," the husband replies.
The wife says, "Dear, you can talk to me about anything you know that."
"Well, you know when your dad caught us having sex the night you lost your virginity?"
"Yes?" she says.
"And he told me I could either marry you or spend 20 years in jail."
"Yeah. So?"
"I would've gotten out today."

Answer 1

Ha! Hilarious... I read it all but it was worth it!-- especially the 24 hour one and the drunk one

Answer 2

didn't get this one:

14 men and 1 woman ended up in Iraqi waters; guess who was reading the map

Answer 3

HAHAHAHAHA XD this joke made me laugh actually LOL. not chuckle or giggle or smile, but a LOUD LAUGH LOL. Star!!

Answer 4

some of these are pretty funny. I like the monastery one. :)

Answer 5

some of those were lousy but others were kind of funny

Answer 6

Great jokes.

Answer 7

Some of it was funny.

Answer 8

ha ha ha, very funny

Answer 9

Sorry none of it made me laugh

Answer 10

Funny...........star for you