I really want a child but my husband seems to not like idea?

Question

I'm still somewhat young, but i seriously want to have a child. My bf (soon to be husband) seems uncomfortable when I bring it up, so it makes me think he doesn't want children. Since he doesn't want children it makes me think twice about marrying him

Answer 1

This is something you two definitely need to agree on before you marry.

But YOU need to ask yourself:

Can you afford to take care of yourself?
Can you afford to take care of a child?
Do you have health care/Health Insurance?
If you work can you afford to pay for child care?
Can you afford to put a little away each month for a college fund?

You say you are somewhat young, have you accomplished your goals in life? Cuz life changes significantly once you have a child. Your dreams will be on hold for 24 years.

Maybe your boyfriend wants to be more financially secure first.

Answer 2

I am 23, have been married for two years and I completely understand what you are going through! When we first got married we talked about having kids and he was very uncomfortable about it and still is now. We talk about it from time to time and I guess you can say I have the baby itch. I have come to the conclusion that when he is ready and feels comfortable we will have kids. I did tell him not to long ago though children are something I want in my life eventually (which he knew BEFORE we got married) and I set a date, well age really. He is 5 years older than I am but i told him by the time I am 30 if he still doesn't want children I will have re-think things. I know that sounds harsh but that is something i want. I know this probably doesn't help too much I just wanted you to know that you are not alone on this one! A few things my husband has brought up are money issues, he's worried he won't be a good dad and being in the military and having kids scares him. I hope you guys can work something out.

Answer 3

First, do not become pregnant until AFTER you get married. Most single-mothers became single-moms because they got pregnant by their boyfriend or fiance. So, please do not go down the same road as many other women by getting pregnant and thinking that will make him fall in love with you and want to start a family--it wont.

Second, this subject is something you must talk very openly to your fiance about. The subject of children is one of the most important subjects to discuss before you get married. Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him--ask him if he wants children, and when. Listen to him, and do not argue him into agreeing with you. Take what he says as being his truth, and respect his wants & needs the same way you want him to respect your desire to have kids. Then either decide if you can live with it, or decide if you want to move on.There's nothing wrong with a man or woman wanting to wait until they are finacially stanle to have kids. Children are a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week exhausting and expensive responsibilty. Please know what you're getting into--because once they are here, you cant give them back! :)

Answer 4

Work on your marriage first before jumping into parenthood.

You NEED to get a strong relationship and become more stable in your maturity and finances.

1) Get a job
2) Talk to him--is it really that he doesn't want a job or that he doesn't want to have kids NOW? THere's a big different. Don't assume anything.
3) Get rid of your debts and buy a house. Don't jump on the child train just because you want to. It takes 2 to create a child and 2 to raise it (although single parents deserve all the credit in the world!).

Answer 5

You shouldn't have any hidden meanings going between you and him. Be straight up and say "I want a child," so you can know FOR SURE what he wants. Also it depends where your priorities are as for marrying him or not.

One reason he might not want kids is because wives sort of lose their flair when they get pregnant and have kids, and no offense but he might want to enjoy how you look for a couple years at least. He might be worried about that and afraid to bring it up, so just keep it in the back of your mind but don't put him on the spot.

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to sit down and have a serious discussion with him. If you both want different things in life then you shouldn't be getting married. Having children is a huge issue and if you don't get it worked out NOW then you're going to have problems. Just be honest, sit him down, and don't beat around the bush. Ask him if in the future he wants children.

Answer 7

You need to address this RIGHT NOW....this is one of the major decisions that should be discussed before marriage. Find out if/when he wants kids and how many.....it could simply be that he's not ready now, but sees himself in the future having kids. Don't go into this HOPING it will all work out, because it's simply not fair to either of you. Find a local organization or church that will do a course of premarital counseling. It will not only evaluate your personality types and communication styles, but also it will go over very practical issues like children, parenting styles, finances, etc....

Answer 8

It is great that you aren't married. I would suggest that you need to have important things like this that affect your future ironed out before making such a commitment! Whether or not to have children is a major part of your life. Don't marry anyone who doesn't want the same things as you want out of life. You will not be happy. When you think you have found the right person, please go to pre-marital counseling. Most churches offer this free of charge. Bless you!

Answer 9

Men cannot handle but one cataclysmic emotional event at a time. Women can veritably swim in an ocean of social upheaval and fare rather well. Not men, though. For you, it is wonderful and exciting to perceive the entire package of courtship, marriage and family. It can be most disappointing when our men seem to be out of sync with those glorious and giddy visions. But, just think of it the way a man tends to, as though they are traveling down a narrow tube and first they must adjust to you and what you mean to him. Next, there is marriage. And, then, he will want to savor you for awhile all to himself, and to be savored by you completely. Men become intoxicated with all that complete attention in the early years of marriage. But, then, as he's cruising down that tube and his friends at work and other contemporaries discuss their families, he will begin to desire his own family. Trust me. And, then, he will begin a campaign to talk you into having his children. Marry this man. Take tomorrow as it comes. And, try a bit of reverse psychology on him later on by pretending to not be interested in having children, perhaps. Watch how passionately he pleads for his family then. Regardless of all, though, there can be be no true covenant between a man and his woman if the man is not sure deep in his bones that you wanted HIM no matter what, that you wanted HIM with or without children. It is because of the profound love in that kind of covenant that men choose to have and stand by a family of their own. He comes first. Whatever happens after that, deal with it then.

Answer 10

If u want children and he does not, Why marry him? You could end up being a single Mom. He is NOT the only guy in the world..