Has the world's etiquette gone wrong or am I just old-fashioned?

Question

I recently received an "e-vite" for a friend's baby shower. I was appalled and told my friend how rude I thought that was. She got upset and now will not talk to me. I also encountered a similar situation where my best friend sent a pre-printed gereric thank-you for her bridal shower gifts. I told her I was upset I didn't get a hand-written card and how impersonal that was. I figure that I am spending $X on HER, the least I she can do is take a little time to hand-write a thank-you. I am seeing this a lot now. Am I just old-fashioned? Do I need to accept that the world's view of etiquette is changing? Because I don't think I can.

Answer 1

Etiquette has not changed. People are either ignorant or lack class, tact, and manners. I do not respond to e-vites. Sorry, if you are too lazy to send invitations you can forget it. Pre-printed thank you cards are tacky and should never be used, so she was off the mark with those. If good manners are old fashioned, then I'll continue to strive to be old fashioned.

Answer 2

Written invitations, and thank you notes are the best, but many people today just don't have time. If it really bothers you to receive an email invitation, then perhaps you should stay at home and tell them you checked your email too late, or that you are not allowed to receive personal emails at work. If your friend is sincere in her invitation, she will follow up with a formal call. Speaking of calls, you might have called the bride and asked her how she liked the gift, casually mentioning that her pre-printed note didn’t say. That will give her a chance to express her gratitude in person.
Are you old fashioned? I don’t think so. If you were you would not have embarrassed your friends (and risked losing their friendship) by pointing out their indiscretions. Next time, consider giving a book on etiquette. But, before you wrap it up, read the chapter dealing with tact.
Sometimes it is easier to receive maps, and send an RSVP by email (something people don't do much anymore either, RSVP that is). Maybe the hostess was thinking how she could make the invitation most convenient for her friends to respond. Friend is the operative word here, right? Otherwise, reply with an impersonal gift card, and be done with it.

Answer 3

No you aren't wrong, it was bad etiquette to email an invitation. However, I can see emailed invitations happening more and more since postage has now gone up to $.41 per letter.

Perhaps your best friend that you gave the bridal gift to thought the card she sent was exceptionally pretty or had a lovely verse she wanted to share with everyone that gave her a gift, did she at least sign it? I never even got any thank you card, my best friend didn't 'do' cards.

I have found out as I have grown.. though I am only 40, that you cannot change the etiquette of others, only yourself, I am very old-fashioned and can only ever hope to change me.

Answer 4

I too was taught growing up that thank-you cards in particular should be hand-written and personalized. However, I find your reaction to be more disturbing--and dare I say, rude--than your friends actions. Was it really necessary to tell your friends how "appalled" you were and that they were "rude?" I can't see how this could possibly accomplish anything positive. Your friends are probably no more likely now to adopt your view of etiquette; instead, I imagine they feel quite alienated by your scolding. Furthermore, you seem to feel entitled to a hand-written, personal thank-you because you spent money on a gift. If you're buying someone a gift, you should be doing it only because you want to give that person a gift. If you're going to insult the recipient if they don't conform to your idea of proper thank-you etiquette, perhaps you'd be better off saving your money.

Obviously, etiquette is changing in the modern-day, digital age. Today's environment makes it easy to offend those of us who were raised to hold "old-fashioned" beliefs. I think the best solution is to teach by example. Hopefully, when a younger person receives a personalized thank-you, they will see how thoughtful it is and begin sending them as well.

Answer 5

Using pre printed thankyou notes are just as bad as those awful form letters people sent at christmas. Handwritten notes are a must. People put thought, time and money into gifts..that deservers the thought and time of a written thankyou, and I thing anything else is rude. The e vite is tacky, but a sign of the times. If you attend, I would give a print out of an online gift certificate as a gift.

Answer 6

Technology is supposedly doubling every year. The population density is also changing drastically. To much technology, around to many people leads to a lot of misunderstandings. Most people are watching television day in and day out, and thus learn almost all their etiquette from a tv program. A modern social etiquette delima may stem from something as basic as you watched survivor growing up, while I watched the sopranos. Because of these new variables, the world around has changed almost over night. It's impossible to say what's right and wrong, but right and wrong are definitely based upon mere perspective. If you find yourself feeling distant from modern etiquette, maybe a little more socialization should be happening. You can't possibly think that someone would sit down and hand write a thank you note, when they are getting married in such a busy world. This is all about empathy, and whether you can truly understand the lives of the people around you. Just because you have an empty space on your table to write out thank you notes, doesn't mean everyone else even has a table...

Answer 7

I think that the E-Invite is ok for get togethers and maybe b-day parties but something big like a baby shower/wedding shower/wedding I'd say go out and send real invites. E-invites are easier and convenient but cheap and tacky.

As for the thank you....She could have gotten the Genaric thank you and then written a little message about how much your gift meant or how much your presence at the event was appriciated, that's what I would have done. That's like giving your spouce a halmark card and not writting anything in it? Just rude imo.

Just get use to it though most people are rude.

Answer 8

Etiquette changes as culture changes, each society developing its own rules as to what is and is not appropriate. E-vites are a fact of the Internet-age culture, and you should probably get used to the idea (think of it as an ecologically correct card--no trees were killed to send it to you, no gasoline for the the mail trucks, etc.).
I agree that the generic thank-you card was tacky--it only takes a minute to write some small personal note on a pre-printed card.

Answer 9

I don't see an "e-vite" as rude, per se, but it is very impersonal. I do think mailed invitations are nicer and more thoughtful. And for something like a bridal shower, wedding, or even the graduations occurring now/soon, handwritten "thank you"s are more appropriate.

The world is getting used to more informal communication. Convenience is great, but its cost is high in some circumstances like these.

Answer 10

Yes, your views are old-fashioned. Email invitations are now quite acceptable. Telling your friend in terms strong enough to upset her that she has no understanding of etiquette certainly qualifies as rude, not to mention ungracious, considering she has just invited you to her baby shower.
The pre-printed generic thank you is also okay, if only just, but should carry a brief hand-written message to personalize it. You need to accept that the world's view of etiquette is changing, however, there is no law that says your standards have to change along with it. Uphold the standards that you believe are correct and more power to you.