My husband is in the army. However he refuses to give me power of attorney.?

Question

He have been told these stories of wives that take all their husbands have when they are away. He expects me to handle things but I can not do all I need to do without power of attorney. He knows this but still expect me to get things done. I have no money for rent or other bills. Called him yesterday and he still have not done this. Could not get finicial help yesterday because no power of attorney. About to be homeless. I can not get any help from the army because I do not have power of attorney. I have decide to get a legal separation so that I can survive. I have told him I expect or want nothing from him. He is own his own. He called me late last night to tell me he loves me, my reply (silents). Am I being too hard? What do I do?

Answer 1

No, you are not being too hard on him, he is being too hard on you. You are doing the right thing as far as I am concerned. Separate from him and do what you must do to survive legally. It doesn't mean you are going to permanently stay separated from him just that you need to take care of yourself if he is not going to take care of you. You see that just threatening him with a separation has gotten him thinking he doesn't want to lose you? If you have to be independent to survive there is nothing wrong with it.

Answer 2

(1) That you let your husband deploy without settling this is entirely on you. That your husband burns you like this is entirely on him.

(2) You can get help from the Army. First, goto his unit's rear detachment ... typically an O-3 Captain will be left in charge. Tell him what your situation is and tell him you need an emergency loan from ACS to cover these shortfalls in bills. That should stave off homelessness.

(3) Then, have that Rear Detachment Commander get on the blowhorn with the Battalion Command Sergeant Major or other members of the Battalion staff in theater and have him explain to them that your husband is a delinquent who gave you not even a Limited Power of Attorney to pay your bills, much less the funds to do so. I guarantee the Company Commander and First Sergeant will put their boots on the back of his neck with a swiftness.

(4) If your husband will not do the right thing, ask your family for help in moving back with them. Initiate divorce proceedings with your husband. He's broken his wedding vows by treating you this way, and it is appalling.

You deserve better. It's still a weekday. Tomorrow morning, go down and see the Rear Detachment. If you have any contact numbers for FRG (and there s no reason on earth you should not) then call your FRG leader and also ask for her help.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sweety, I think you have more trouble than just the POA. ( Air Force wife of 15yrs.) First of all I feel for you since your husband is in the Army. We have been stationed at an Army post for 4yrs and are about to pcs back to an Air Force base. In this Army town the military spouse is treated like a second class citizen. When we moved here I couldn't even get our water turned on. My husband had to leave work to do it. That has never happened before. When we first got married my husband controlled the money. I had to ask for the checkbook to go to the grocery store. (stupid) There are horror stories with ever branch of service, but that is more on the fact that the two people don't really know each other in the first place. They get married for the idea of marriage not for what it really is. You didn't say how long you have been married. Have you given him any reason to distrust you?
Go to his First Sergent and tell them what is about to happen as far as your living situation.If your husband doesn't get his bills paid that will cause him big trouble and he could even get kicked out. He could do an allotment for rent, but he is still your husband and is resposible for suporting you. Even with a POA your name has to be on his checking account for you to write checks.debit ect. Seperating isn't going to make a difference as to you getting your bills paid. You need to get a job. Seperate and divorce him if you both aren't going to grow up and seriously decide that you are partners and in this relationship for the long haul. If you can't trust each other you don't have a marriage.

Answer 4

I hate to say it but a legal separation doesn't help you to survive in any way that you couldn't if you stayed married to this guy. Once separated you won't have access to any of his money or resources anyway.

And it could make your situation worse in that anything that was signed in his name for your two technically reverts back to him. So you may be thrown out of the apartment even sooner.

Not saying you shouldn't separate but all that does is put you out on your own again with few resources. You'd have to find a job or another source of money then anyway. If you love your soldier maybe you could do all that and stay married. You should be able to talk to your unit's ombudsman to get information to your husband about the dire straits you are in even without the POA. A good command will make sure he gets that message and has some time to straighten things out but they need to know how bad it is.

If you two do stick together then you need to do some serious talking and counseling when he gets home. There are a lot of ways that military families deal with finances and you need to find something that works for you as the system you have now does not.

Answer 5

He is not obligated to give you power of attorney. If he doesn't trust you, then he absolutely should not give you power of attorney- under any circumstance. If you are considering separation or divorce, then he would just about be a complete idiot to give you power of attorney.

If by financial help, you mean you couldn't get a loan, well, that's probably a good thing, even though it doesn't seem like it now. Loans to pay rent or monthly bills are a very very bad idea.

If you're about to be homeless, go home to your parents.

He can pay the bills online or by having the money sent directly to the creditors. He does not have to send you money for that.

I do notice that you haven't mentioned your job (or lack of). If you had a job, you could get a loan, or- gasp- pay the bills yourself.

Answer 6

He's required to take care of his responsibilities at home and if he's not then you need to do as others have suggested and go see his rear d immediately.
Honestly though if I were you I'd have to ask myself if he's worth all the hardship you are going to have to endure. Any guy that will leave you to fend for yourself like that is a guy that should be alone. I know for me that the reason I've been able to deal with the separations, the constant moving, the lack of opportunities for myself etc etc is because I know that my husband always has my best interest at heart. Doesn't sound like your husband cares about yours. I feel really bad for you! You might want to consider cutting your losses now....though I know that's easier said than done. Good luck!

Answer 7

He sounds like a putz to put it mildly. He obviously has either trust issues, control issues or both. If you don't have the money to pay the bills, go to the Army Community Services (if you aren't Army the other branches have something like it). They can give you an Emergency Loan to keep you from being evicted. You should take it up with his chain of command that his bills are not being paid which the landlord and other creditors will surely do as soon as those accounts are delinquent. He's make a big pile of sh** for himself in all of this. Those creditors notify his chain of command and they will have him in their office in a heart beat. Those creditors can have his paycheck garnished so that they WILL get their money sooner or later from him. The fact that he had delinquent bills and an eviction will be in his record and he can lose any security clearances and possibly screw himself for promotion. If its bad enough they can give him a less than honorable discharge.
If he wasn't going to give you the money to pay the bills, then he should have set up allotments to have payments sent directly from his paycheck to those creditors, utility companies, landlord.
Filing for separation won't do you any good because he can use the Sailor's and Servicemen's Relief Act to keep legal proceedings from going forth until he returns from deployment. But you could use that as well to keep the bill collectors from taking you to court and maybe to prevent the eviction, but I don't know. Talk to JAG.
I know my husband as a platoon sgt would have kicked the butt of any of his soldiers that left his spouse with no money and not at least a special power of attorney to take care of certain financial issues.
Talk to the base chaplain, they may try harder to put you in touch with some help to keep yourself afloat until someone can kick your hubby's butt up between his ears. They had incidents like this after Desert Storm and there were supposed to be some safeguards put in place to keep soldiers from leaving their spouses in those situations.

Answer 8

The POA isn't precisely the comparable as him being there. And the financial employer, regrettably for you dazzling now, has the dazzling to no longer settle for a POA. If JAG issued the POA they may well be waiting to touch the financial employer supervisor for you and permit him understand how they went approximately verifying the service member's identity for the POA and that would set the financial employer's concerns to sit down down back. you besides would ought to offering to deposit the money interior the financial employer till the verify clears. it would recommend waiting longer for the money besides the shown fact that it ought to be that the financial employer in simple terms would not prefer to funds a verify that it feels ought to have a brilliant gamble of being undesirable and then having to combat consisting of your DH to get the money returned. in the event that they are going to allow you deposit the verify with a carry on the money you may would desire to look ahead to the money besides the shown fact that it may well be on that's way it fairly is extra helpful than the verify sitting on your table.

Answer 9

Personally, I think you guys have other problems than money.
He does not trust you & you withhold love (by refusing to answer his "I love you") to get your way. I agree he should give you power of attorney but maybe you should ask why he would judge you on others bad behavior. Call him on the trust issue. If he is not overseas, he can handle paying your rent & etc.

Answer 10

You should talk to his family and let him know that you plan on discussing this with them.

Keep him in the loop of all the things that you do, in the financial aspect.

You might also contact his military base and discuss this with their equivalent of a human resources director.
Find out what your rights are, in the event of his death or incapacitation.

As I understand the military, spouses end up the loser if all legal rights are not shared with surviving family members.