My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years... i keep on mentioning getting engaged but he keeps on saying that hes not ready ... he says when you get engaged everything changes and i tried explaining to him that nothing will change... we talked it over and the only response he will give me is that "he's not ready to buy a ring" or "i'm not ready" or "marriage freaks me out" ... when his best friend told him that he was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him my boyfriend had a panic attack .. i dont know why he is like this but i wanna help him through it ... he's never had any bad relationships before... and our relationship is great ..its always been great and he agrees.... i just want to take the next step. and he has told me over and over again that he wants to marry me .... and then he will tell me that we will go look at rings but then he backs out ... and he says that the only reason he told me we would go look at rings is because "he knew thats what i wanted to hear"..
2007-05-16 10:36:25 · 10 answers · asked by *Isabella's Mommy 7/23/11* <3 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
then i suppose you should listen to him for a while sometimes guys are like that i think you should wait for him to calm down and then find a perfect time and place to talk it over with him...i can tell he loves you....and btw marriage is something that could be important to both of you guys....it could totally change you lives so maybe that is what he is afraid of...that once he married you then everything would change and he would have a family of his own......don't worry everything would be alright and good luck!
2007-05-16 10:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by lil_sakura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound like he has a serious committment problem, and it is hard to know how to handle this one. I have been in the exact same predicament. My man even promised me he would marry me within a year of us moving in to our house....that was his plan, he said....but 15 months later I was still waiting.
Some guys just dig their heels in to be stubborn, just because they dont want to feel like they are being pushed into something. Your guy sounds different tho and I am not sure of the best way to handle it.
YOu could try the hard approach. Tell him that getting married and having a wedding is something you have always wanted and dreamed of, and that you are not prepared to give up on that dream.....tell him that you always thought and wished he was the one... But as he isnt prepared to marry you, then you need to move on and find a guy that does....as much as it breaks your heart to do so. Tell him you need some space to sort it out and then dont see him for a few days....hopefully he will miss you so much, and be afraid of losing you for good. That might be enough to get him to take the step.
Of course this is a little risky....he could call your bluff.
Otherwise I would tall him how important marriage is for you, that you are not going to wait forever for him, and suggest that he either comes to counselling with you to work thru his fear of committment, or marrys you now.
If he wont do any of this for you then perhaps he just isnt the one for you, maybe the time has come that you move on and find a man prepared to fullfill your dreams. Or decided if you can forgo your dreams of marriage for this guy. Ultimately you cant force him to marry you....and if he wont do it for you then you have some very hard decisions to make.
Good luck with this one, and I hope it works out for you. I know exactly what you are going thru and I feel for you.
2007-05-16 17:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by bluegirl6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like talking about serious topics is scarey to him so its best not to bring up if get same response over again. cant make someone talk about things that they are not comfortable with so probably tells you what you want to hear so end the topic and discussion altogether. If you really believe that he wants to marry you but does not like to discuss then dont plan things in conversation and next time you go out just show up at a jewerly store etc and see what kind of reaction you get. if he does not want to go in the store then you have your answer no.move on if get a response like that since you gave all opportunities for him to prove himself to be true in what he says and this would be good indicator hes not for you.
2007-05-16 17:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fact is you are lying to him, yes things will change and that change will come from you. It has been this way throughout time and will not be any different with you. You can't help it, it's part of the female nature.
That being said, why do you want your boyfriend to propose if he is not ready? Sounds kind of dumb if you put it that way doesn't it? If he is not ready, he should wait. That you are pushing is a sign that he should rethink being with you. You seem more interested in a wedding than a relationship with him.
2007-05-16 17:43:20 · answer #4 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Some guys are afraid of commitment. If he says he wants to marry you then you should just give him time... try not to rush him. I realize you have been together for 5 years but you still should give him some space. I think some guys feel like marriage is like taking freedom away from them. Maybe he feels like marriage will trap him you know like he won't be free to do what he wants. I'm not saying he does want he wants now I'm just saying maybe that's how he feels. Some guys are scared thinking of living with one girl for the rest of their lives.
2007-05-16 17:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys, and girls too, are afraid of marriage because they love what they have right now. Yes things do change when you get engaged and married, but it can be for the better. Ask him what his fears are. I have cousins that waited 13 years to get married because she had some fears. They are now married and have twins.
2007-05-16 17:42:32 · answer #6 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry 2 tell u but it sounds like hes not ready 4 comitment but their is good news after my 1 div iv got a gf iv been with 410yrs
2007-05-16 17:51:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Marriage does change everything
2) Don't force him. He will resent you for pushing.
3) If you can't wait it out, find someone that wants to marry you as much as you want to marry them.
2007-05-16 17:41:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Save yourself a lifetime of frustration, Jaz, and dump the guy. He does not understand commitment and never will. Do you want that for the rest of your life? You need to find someone who will commit his heart and soul. Start today... your soulmate is out there looking for you.
2007-05-16 17:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by Flame 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably thinks why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?
2007-05-16 17:45:55 · answer #10 · answered by mes210 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋