My parents were married for nearly 50 years. When my dad passed on, my eldest brother recieved the comemorative flag that was given to our family following the military, grave-site service/salute. My mother feels deprived of her honor of recieving that flag. Should it have been given to her? It is my thought that she should have it. Should I say something to him privately about it? It's been almost 4 years now and my mother is still hurt about the flag. My mother is elderly and ill and I know her too well to suspect she'd ever ask him for it.... although she mentions it often to me.
2007-05-16 08:50:19 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
FM 3-21.5 covers the funeral ceremony, and only says that the flag should be presented to the "next of kin".
The Casualty Assistance Officer or NCOIC must have had a reason to present it to your brother, but I cannot speculate what that reason could have been.
I would simply ask your brother to surrender the flag to your mother to give her comfort.
2007-05-16 09:50:12 · answer #1 · answered by Noah Tall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Under normal circumstances the flag should have been given to the surviving spouse, unless at the time of his death they were not married. If they were not married and she had not remarried then I would discuss the matter with the brother and try to get him to present it to her, especially if it means so much to her. It's not something that cant be preserved for all of you as time passes on. I am a veteran of Viet Nam and that's how I would like the flag to be passed. I hope things work out well for all of you
2007-05-16 09:10:08 · answer #2 · answered by lloydgreen1942 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's whack. Usually the widow receives it and the 21 shell casings unless someone else is specfied in the will. Whoever was in charge of that flag detail screwed that completely up.
Go talk to your brother and have him fork it over. He should be made to understand he'll be the custodian once your mother passes on, but that the memories of your father are best kept with your mother, and that means the flag stays with her. Your brother should also tell your mum sorry while he's at it.
It's been 4 years too long, it's time to go fix that mistake.
2007-05-16 08:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by Nat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a veteran myself and I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. Did your brother ask for the flag?? Normally, it would go to his widow. Call the cemetery where your father is interred and ask what the flag protocol is during military services. I myself will be buried this way and my flag is up for grabs - my son or daughter. I guess I'll ask now who wants it. Why can't your mom hold onto it until she passes on and then your brother can have it back again.
2007-05-16 08:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by kathy s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who Is Eligible to Receive the Burial Flag?
Generally, the flag is given to the next-of-kin, as a keepsake, after its use during the funeral service. When there is no next-of-kin, VA will furnish the flag to a friend making request for it. For those VA national cemeteries with an Avenue of Flags, families of veterans buried in these national cemeteries may donate the burial flags of their loved ones to be flown on patriotic holidays.
2007-05-16 10:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by My little girl is here!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just went through this a month ago with my oldest daughter's husband. His uncle passed away and he was a Vietnam veteran. Since he has no lineal children the flag was presented to his two surviving sisters. We were told that who ever makes the arrangements makes the decisions as to who gets presented with the flag. Then the Honor Guard presents the flag to who ever they are told to present it to. Perhaps your brother is the one who made the arrangements with the funeral home for the Honor Guard. If so, then he is the one who made the decision.
I would speak to him about it and tel;l him to please give it to your mother. Then you can promise that you will return it to him after your mother is gone.
2007-05-16 09:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, The flag should have gone to your father's wife. When my grandpa died, the flag that was draped over his coffin was given to my grandma, his wife for over 50 years. The flag should only be given to the dead solder's Mother (for unmairred and their mother is still alive) or Wife. My aunt wanted the flag, but my mom kept the flag in my grandma's hands. If their is no mother or wife, it will then be given to the next of kin.
2007-05-16 09:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by MG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that really depends on the person. I mean some people feel that the oldest child receives whatever when the father passes on. Others think that the oldest son should get it. Some believe that the spouse should be the one. and others believe that the oldest daughter should get it when the mother passes on. But my advice would be to talk to your brother and see how he feels.
2007-05-16 08:56:19 · answer #8 · answered by spirited_07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Generally it is supposed to go to the wife if she is not alive it should go to the eldest daughter. That is my understanding anyway my grandpa died two years ago and grandma had passed almost ten years prior they gave the flag to my dad's sister who was the oldest of the girls he (my dad) is the oldest child so hope this helps
2007-05-16 08:55:38 · answer #9 · answered by ja man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
they are all of their 80s now. WW II resulted in 1945, which become sixty 4 years in the past. upload sixty 4 to the classic age of 27 (the enlistment age is between 18 and 32 years previous) and upload sixty 4 for a finished of between eighty and ninety 4 years previous. no longer a lot of a project there, basically regularly occurring lifespans.
2016-10-18 08:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by zeckzer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋