Who Pays for the Dress????

Question

Here's the deal. My 9 yr old daughter was asked to be a Jr. Bridesmaid at the wedding of our neighbors. When they asked us they has said not to worry about the cost of the dress. A few weeks later she mentioned that the dress she picked would be about $60 but no to worry about it. A few months pass and she brings up the dress again. This time she informs me that she needs the down payment of $80.00 by end of the month and that the dress was now costing
$ 189.00. Now from the very start we had told her that we could not afford to buy an expensive dress that our daughter would only wear once. We keep telling her this, but she doesn't seem to listen. But regardless of all of that, I thought that etiquette dictated that the family of the bride took care of the dresses for the wedding party. Does anyone know when asked to be part of the wedding party who is responsible for purchasing the attire????

Answer 1

No, the bridesmaids pay for their own gowns, and the parents of any young attendants pay for theirs.

However it is not polite for them to have told you one price and then not stick to that price.

Tell them what your budget is- $65 or whatever. Offer to help shop for a dress in a suitable color that is in your price range, so your daughter can participate.

Answer 2

Usually it is at the expense of the bridesmaid unless the bride and her family are feeling generous, this goes for the expense of hairstyling and shoes too. For a child though I find it a bit ridiculous especially if you made it clear that you couldn't afford to purchase this type of dress (she's not even going to be able to wear it a year from now). You need to let her know that you we're under the impression from her conversations w/ you that she was taking care of the expenses of including her in the wedding party. This may end up in your daughter not being a part of bridal party but that depends upon whether or not its important for you to do this for you daughter or neighbor.

Answer 3

Traditionally the bridal party members pay for their own attire. The brides parents pay for her dres, but not the rest of the bridal parties.

Since she told you not to worry about the costs of the dress, then she should be taking care of that for you.

Also, "Junior Bridesmaids" usually do not wear the same elaborate dreses that the Bridesmaids wear, they generally wear a plainer dress with less "frills", which copliments the Bridesmaids dresses, but does not cost as much as a bridesmaids dress.

If you can not afford to purchase the dress, and she is insisting that you pay for it, I would suggest declining to have your daughter be in the Bridal Party. Maybe she will then get the idea that you can not afford it.

Answer 4

More wedding angst and stress is caused by conflict over who pays for what than anything else. Typically, members of the wedding party pay for their own attire. That is why women complain so much about being bridesmaids...they have to pay for a dress (and shoes) that they only wear once that the bride chose because it would make her look good.

The answer to this is to politely decline to be in the wedding, or in this case, to politely decline for your daughter to be in the wedding. You can do this. Here's the general pattern of what to say: "Oh gee, what a compliment. It makes me feel so special that you've asked me to be in the wedding party, but I'm afraid I just can't make it." I managed to decline every bridesmaid invitation I received except my sister's and managed very well as a simple wedding guest wearing my own clothes.

Answer 5

You are mistaken. The bride's family takes care of the brides dress, and many other costs of the wedding, but not the bridesmaid's dresses or groomsmen's tuxedos. You need to sit down with your neighbor and tell her you certainly appreciate that she asked your daughter to be in her wedding but that you most definitely cannot afford a $189 dress so you understand if she needs to ask someone else to be in it and you wish her to best. Good luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 6

Sorry pal. You have to buy the dress for your daughter. Participating in a wedding is not cheap. However, socially it is something we do as a society. The bride usually gives you or your daughter a gift. I've received gold jewelry, etc. Think of it like being invited to a birthday party. You have to bring a gift. The dress is your gift to the brides wedding. Then you get to keep the dress. You usually get copies of the photographs etc. Good luck!

Answer 7

Actually, etiquette dictates that the person wearing the dress is the one who is responsible for paying for it. However, since you've told the lady all along that you couldn't afford the dress, I think asking her directly about it will be fine. Tell her you will understand if they need your daughter to step down from the bridal party, but you cannot (and will not) pay for the dress.

Answer 8

what a delicate situation. i know that the bridesmaid is generally responsible for $, but some do take advantage of the situation. for my own wedding, i discussed with the girls what we all could afford in advance. my mom & dad paid the difference of the limit that we all set. could you delicately ask to split the difference from the original agreement? my friends, sister and i were all in each others' weddings the same year (my sister and i only weeks apart) totalling 6 weddings. that $ can really add up.

Answer 9

The people wearing the dress pay for it, but in this case it is you who pays for it.

BUT!!!

She said to "not worry about the cost of the dress"... to me that sounded as though SHE was paying for the dress.

I would reiterate to her that you cannot afford a dress that costly that she will only wear once. If she does not listen, tell her that your daughter will have to back out of the position of Jr Bridesmaid due to the fact you cannot afford it.

Answer 10

When I was a bridesmaid I had to pay for my dress that the bride picked out, 275$ later I have given the dress to Charity.
But if you said from the start that you couldn't afford it than you shouldn't have to pay for it. Also if the person said not to worry about it than you should not have to worry about it.
You probably should talk with them and tell her again what she said and what you said.
You don't want this to be messy.
Good luck