My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now. He used to be affectionate with me but he isn't anymore. Last night I started to softly rub his arm and he pushed my hand away. He claims that he loves me very much and can't imagine a life without us together but his actions seem to say otherwise. Sometimes I think he just wants to be with me out of fear of being alone or fear that I will move on. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to show me affection aside from sex. I love him very much I enjoy giving him affection, so why doesn't he do the same. I could understand if he only did it occasionally but he hardly ever does. Help! What do I do and what does this mean?
F>Y>I>
We live together but only see each other for a hour or two a day. And I have brought this to his attention before. He said he understood, didn't want to be that way, and would work on it but he hasn't.
2007-05-16 08:29:17 · 16 answers · asked by dvlbeneathwings 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Relationships are hard work. Over time, you have to work to keep the spark alive. If you have brought it to his attention and he has made no change, there is a good chance that this is just who he is. You now have to decide if you can live like this or if you need to keep looking until you find the one that fits you.
It is very hard to walk away from a long term relationship that isn't going the way you want. Chances are things aren't going to get better. Only you can decide what you can live with and what is acceptable to you. Good Luck!
2007-05-16 08:35:59 · answer #1 · answered by Christina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a situation you ultimately have to decide how to handle on your own. He might not be the affectionate type, but to push your arm away is just rude. I would have personally been offended, and that one gesture would have had me re-evaluating the whole relationship. You just don't treat your loves ones that way. I think he has gotten comfortable with you now, and when people get comfortable with a person they tend to not appreciate them the way they once did. You are probably what guys refer to as "the wifey", the one who takes care of home that he "loves" and comes home to, but who is often ignored and seldomly touched, but when he wants to be bothered, she is always ready, just to get whatever attention he wants to give. Y? He might feel you nag too much and want him to be responsible, which would make him a responsible adult instead of the young man he wants to be. He probably has some action on the side. This person is fun, exciting, spontanteous and proabably makes him feel the way you use to, like a man. I went thru the same thing, and there really are only one of three choices you have to make:1.go find you someone who appreciates, on the side, (which could backfire if he was never cheating and finds out) 2. continue to be ignored and stay silent 3. give him an ultimatum, either he change his ways or he will see exactly how life is without you. You should not settle for how he is treating you if it makes you unhappy. You have a right to be happy and only you really determine your happiness, by choices you make. It is not too much to ask for a little affection from the man who claims he loves you. You are going to have to put your foot down or else nothing will change. Have a serious talk with him and tell him you tired of being ignored and want some TLC, from him. Tell him you are a woman with needs, and if he can't handle that I'm sure somebody else will. All the best.
2007-05-16 16:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by TRUTH HURTZ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying with him as it is now would be painful as you are a affectionate person, not being able to do this is painful for you, try one more time to talk about this to him, tell him that if you 2 can't work this out than you 2 should break up, I stayed five years in a relationship like that, I stayed because of my son WRONG move there, I was miserable and my guess is so are you. I hope you can get what you want from him but you must look at your own heart and hear what it is saying, being affectionate is great, I am ,My girlfriend says she never known a man like me. We all look to find happiness, yours and his do not seem to match........Good luck
2007-05-16 15:44:18 · answer #3 · answered by sirmrmagic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Different people show there love in differ ant ways. I bet in the beginning he was real affectionate because that's what you wanted now he feels comfortable enough to be him self and he feels the exact opposite from what you think. Some people just show love in different ways, look around you is there any thing that he does that he has to go out of his way to do for you. Like is he working a lot at night? Does he buy you things? Does he complement you a lot? All of these are ways people show there love.
2007-05-16 15:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by kinreep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't go far as to say he has moved on or is dating someone else. He just doesn't want to have to deal with the emotional thing. For starters he might have problems showing emotions anyways for many factors. Also, he could be preoccupied with other things both psychologically and physically. Finally, he might like having a g/f but just wants to do his own thing at his own whim and knows you will stick around. If you brought it up to him and he's still not changing you need to bring it up again or leave because he clearly is not getting the message to change anything.
2007-05-16 15:37:03 · answer #5 · answered by kennethbyrd98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could give you some hope, but it appears that he's losing interest. If he doesn't show his affection, there's something wrong, and he's probably not going to change. The other thing is he may have another gf somewhere. You might want to ask him that, but I'd go ahead and make plans to move out before you really get hurt.
2007-05-16 15:35:18 · answer #6 · answered by Suzie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Guys get a little too comfortable and start to take things for granted.
You wanna get his affection back to where he was when you met? Try NEW things in bed, rearrange the furniture, buy some sexy lounging clothes.
It's the monotony that drives us to the point of normalcy.
2007-05-16 15:35:48 · answer #7 · answered by John D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After people get done with their dating phase, their true self shines through. This is WYSIWYG. What you see is what you get.
If you like it, then great. If you do not, then do not hope to change it. It will not happen.
Apparently your bf is from a non-demonstrative home. He will not change. Accept it or move on.
2007-05-16 15:34:41 · answer #8 · answered by ignoramus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay this is how the end of my marriage began .. not to scare you ... but if he hasn't worked on it yet, he may subconsciously not want to. Maybe suggest couples' counseling ... find out if there's more going on with him than what he's telling you.
2007-05-16 15:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Duckie314 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Either he just needs some space or he's lost interest and is not just sugarcoating because he doesnt want to hurt you or because he doesn't know what to do if he breaks up with you.
2007-05-16 15:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋