I need a biblical way to get my son to stop lying?

Question

He is 6 years old and lies to get out of trouble. He even lies when the truth wont get him into trouble

Jesus is no longer a baby. I would appreciate real answers only. Go elsewhere to pester please.

Answer 1

1. Do understand that all children lie. Dogs bark. Cats meow. And children lie. Your neighbors' children lie. Your sister's children lie. And yes, your own children lie.

2. Don't confuse exaggeration with lying. Young children often exaggerate. Embellished stories are more a sign of a creative imagination than of a person who does not tell the truth. Pre-schoolers are spontaneous and impulsive with their explanations and stories. Don't confuse this with lying.

3. Don't label your child verbally or mentally brand your child as a liar. A liar is something one is - a part of one's being. Telling a lie is a behavior one does once in awhile. An occasional lie does not make your child a liar. It is a behavior your child chose, not a permanent part of his or her essence.

4. Don't ask questions that set your child up to lie. If the last piece of cake is gone and your daughter has cake crumbs on her face, don't ask if she ate the cake. That's laying a trap, expecting her to lie. Say instead, "I'm disappointed that you ate the cake. There will be no more snacks today."

5. Do be honest. If you're unsure whether or not your child broke the dish, say, "That doesn't sound like the truth to me," or, "I can't think of another way it could have happened." In this way you refrain from accusing your child and simply share your thoughts about the situation from your perspective.

6. Don't jump immediately to the conclusion that your child is lying as he or she relates a story. Your child's perspective on a situation may be different from yours. Your child may be seeing an event from one narrow point of view. Although your child's viewpoint may be markedly different from yours, that doesn't mean that he or he is lying.

7. Do recognize that a child who lies frequently is often struggling with a low self-esteem. This child has problems with identity and self-worth. In such a case, lying is a strategy to protect the self from feelings of not being good enough. Lying is the symptom, not the problem.

8. Do help your child be successful. Even the child who seems to lie frequently is looking for a chance and a way to be successful. If the child is feeling successful, he or she will feel less need to lie.

9. Don't ignore lying. The lies as well as the problems that underlie them will get bigger if lying is left unattended. Since lying is often about needing attention, a child who tells lies always has something to say, whether his or her comments are accurate or not. If little lies do not get your attention, do not be surprised if the lies increase in size and intensity.

10. Do recognize a lie as a call for help. Your child is attempting to communicate. He or she is saying, "Help me be successful, feel good about myself, gain a sense of belonging, and/or receive attention." Hear the words that lie beneath the lie.

11. Do reduce the power struggle over lying by saying, "I don't believe you" rather than "You're lying." When you accuse children of lying by saying, "You're a liar" or "You're lying," it's easy for them to argue that they were telling the truth. They can't argue, however, with your beliefs. "I don't believe you" is about you and what you believe.

12. Don't try to rationalize with your child as a way to deal with the lies. Lies aren't always rational, and the child who engages in lying is not in a rational frame of mind. You might understand rational, logical thinking at this point. Your child will not.

13. Do implement consequences that connect responsibilities to opportunities. "If you choose to lie about what you were doing on the Internet, you choose to lose that responsibility for a week." "When you choose not to tell the truth about what you prepared for dinner, you lose my trust and the opportunity to prepare your own dinner."

14. Do follow through on the consequences of lying. If your child has lost his or her bicycle opportunities for two days, make sure the two days is two days.

15. Don't make rules that will punish future lying or use threats to try to stop a child from lying. When you threaten a child with, "If you lie one more time . . ," the child hears, "I expect you to do that one more time."

16. Don't promise your child that if he or she tells the truth, the consequence will be lighter. This is a form of plea bargaining that confuses children. Hold your child accountable for his or her behavior (for example, breaking a window) as well as for the lie that attempted to cover it up. Refuse to be distracted from the original behavior.

17. Don't assume that everything your child says is a lie. If you always treat your child's words as lies, why should your child ever want to tell the truth? What incentive exists for truth telling if you're going to think what your child says is a lie anyway?

18. Do realize that transforming lying behavior takes time. Look for improvement in the behavior rather than for a complete elimination of it. As the child gains self-confidence, the reasons for lying diminish. As your child recognizes that he or she is telling fewer lies, your child will feel better about himself or herself, and the lying will decrease even more.

Answer 2

It sounds like he needs a little more attention or he doesn't know exactly where he fits in if he lies when the truth wont get him into any trouble.

If you know for a fact he has lied (in other words you yourself saw or heard him) you need to call him on the lie and take have him take responsibility for his actions.

Isn't the old saying: Spare the rode and spoil the child or The truth will set you fee.

Answer 3

Little kids ALL go a period of telling lies, it is a normal part of the development of the brain and the personality: he is testing how much freedom he has to formulate his own "truths". Kids lies can fall into two types, though; if he says he met someone from another planet, don't worry about it! If he says he "didn't do it" when you KNOW he did, that's natural "self-defence" lying for which he needs to be punished.

You really don't want to follow biblical guidance on this matter, though, since you would need to stone him!

Answer 4

The consequence needs to be less desirable than the reward of what he's getting away with. The effective method of consequence is different for every child.

My son, 8 yrs., is unusually honest for the most part. But I have watched other people's children and can tell you that it isn't just a "stage" and it doesn't just "go away" when they get older.

What works for us is to phrase a question in a helpful way and tone of voice that encourages a child to tell the truth instead of fearing us or our reaction.

Answer 5

lying is one of the hardest ones!! try to remember its normal for him to try this.
biblical - just explain that God does not approve and God always knows the truth and he cannot hide from God. My mom used to say "If you lie and think your neat, Jesus knows and you cant cheat" This may not work on a 6 yr old, though.

Tell him the story of The boy who cried wolf. Explain you want to trust him always but cant if he lies.

If he does tell the truth about something, you may need to ease up on the punishment that time to show him you are proud of him for telling the truth

Answer 6

tell him baby jesus cries when he lies to people

you asked for a biblical way to get your kid to stop lying, so i simply told you the way I got my kids to stop lying. It seems to work seeing as my kids don't lie anymore. As you can see from my other answers, I don;t frequent this area to pester people, I give an answer to a question as posed based on my personal experience. Sorry if it doesn;t suit you, but maybe then you shouldn;t ask on a public forum if you can;t handle other peoples opinions and ideas.

Answer 7

Lying is a sign of fear he's afraid of what youwill do to him if found lying so you can use times eg when going shopping in the car to talk to him in a loving way that lying is not good and that Jesus does not like it when you lie,Let him know the first one who lied was satan the devil and annyone who lies is assoc with satan.Have fun speaking to him.

Answer 8

Read to him Proverbs 6-16:17 and Colossians 3:9 from the Bible. There it tells you that God hates these practices and that we shouldn't lie to one another. Tell your son we should be truthful because not even God lies as read in Titus 1:2 "upon the basis of a hope of the everlasting life which God, who cannot lie, promised before times long lasting". And do not tell him liars go to hell because hell does not exist. He will grow up thinking god is evil and condemns everyone to hell. Face it we all sin so if hell were real we'd all be condemned to go there. When we die we already have payed for our sins through death."The wages sin pays is death." (Romans 6:23) So don't make up any stories of him going to hell-you don't want to frighten him you want to educate him.

Answer 9

Use biblical punishment. It worked on me. My mother (a Sunday School teacher) used to slap us on the behind or the back of the legs. When we got bigger she used a hair brush. I can't recall the quote she used, but it was from the Old Testament.

Answer 10

Make the punishment harsher. My sister is 6 and my mom makes her write apology letters every time she lies.