How can I get this accross to my parents?

Question

My fiance and and I are planning on getting married next year, after I graduate from high school. We have talked it over with his parents and they are ok with it. My parents are having a hard time accepting this though. We have been dating for 4 years now, we have been saving money (up to a few thousand now) to help us, we have started marital counceling through our church, we have gone over what we need to do financially and we both know in our hearts that we are meant for each other. His parents seem to understand this, and know I will continue my education here as planned either way. I am moving out when I am 18 anyways, so why not marry and live with the man I love? Please help me to get my parents to understand this and know that I am ready to do this. By the way don't bother saying I should wait, I know what I am getting into.

Answer 1

Wow.

I would definitely say you are MUCH more prepared than most people your age who have decided to get married.

I applaud you for actually going through with the marital counseling and whatnot. Sounds like you DO know what you are doing!!

You are old enough to make your own decisions now. This IS your life. I don't think you are going to get your parents to change their minds. You are just going to have to do what makes YOU happy....and they'll either get over it, or they won't.

Chances are they will. You seem like a level-headed individual, and I will assume the same for your fiance. They are probably just worried about you going on to the real world, just like any other parent is with their child about to leave their home....even if there is no marriage involved.

Congratulations by the way!!

Answer 2

I definitely applaud you for being mature about everything. It seems like the two of you have really started thoroughly thinking this through and planning for your future. From personal experience though I can tell you why your parents are concerned. When I was in high school I had a boyfriend that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. When we went off to college things dramatically changed. I realized through that experience that the only thing that we had were each other and I didn't want that. You need your family, and you need friends. It would be a lie to say that every second of everyday with the person you love is happy and wonderful. If you really think you are ready for this be sure that all aspects of your life are balanced. Don't feel like you have to depend on your fiance for everything. If you feel this is true you need to talk to your parents by yourself without your fiance and explain to them how you feel about him, that you are determined to continue your education, and that nothing will change between you and your family and friends when you and your fiance get married. You will still be their little girl whether you are married or not. It is hard for your parents to let you go because they have been there for you everystep of the way since the day you were born. Just continue reassuring them how much you love them and that by marrying your fiance you will be happier therefore your relationship with them can grow stronger.

By the way, I have been engaged for a year now and my fiance and I just moved 500 miles away from my parents. They were devestated when we moved but they know that this is what I wanted and that no matter how far away I am I still love them and miss them everyday.

When you talk to your parents don't get angry when they share their feelings as to why they think you should not get married. Make sure you listen to them to hear their point of view, and then share yours. Goodluck!!

Answer 3

I think the best thing that you could do would be to sit down with your arents and tell them that you know in your heart that this is what you want and that you know your fiance is the right person for you. Explain that, whilst you are going to go ahead with the wedding regardless of whether they want you to or not, tell them that their blessing is very important to you and your fiance and that all you want is for them to be happy for you. The chances are that your parents are probably just trying to hold on to their daughter as you are still quite young and they may just be finding it difficult to accept that you have now grown up. Make sure they know that they will always be a very important part of your life and that just because you are growing up, moving out and getting married, that you are still their little girl. I'm sure that they will gradually accept the idea, they're probably just finding it a little bit hard at the moment.

Good luck with everything and with the wedding - I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Answer 4

One way to get your parents to accept that you are going to get married is to acknowledge that their concerns for you are based on their love for you. Your parents want the very best for you. All at once their little girl has grown up and is planning an adult commitment. To parents this type of thing happens so fast -- time goes by so quickly and babies turn into adults in such a short time.

Your parents look at other young marriages and see how many end in divorce, they do not want that hurtful situation for you. Your parents also look at what you are giving up: you never did and never will get the opportunity to date a lot of guys, to go off to college and live the carefree single life, to spend time at college concentrating on just you. Your parents are also concerned that you, like everyone else in their late teens/early 20s, will grow into an adult and you may feel that this early marriage was a bad decision.

Whether you agree with your parents concerns or not, the good part is that they love you enough to have these concerns. You need to tell them how grateful you are that they continue to love you and want to protect you from hurt. Then include them in your wedding plans. Ask mom to help you find the perfect dress. Ask dad to walk you down the aisle.

Answer 5

I'm with your parents.

It looks like you are just looking to move out of your parents' house and into your boyfriend's. You say you will be continuing your education - GREAT! Please keep in mind that it is normal to undergo substantial personal growth while in college. You may find that you both grown together and have a stronger bond. You may find that you can't stand each other - in this case it's easier to break up with a boyfriend then to divorce a husband. I think your parents are just trying to get you to see what a huge and life-changing step getting married will be. If you are meant for each other, then you can still marry and live with the man you love after you have completed your bachelor's degree.

I can tell that you are 18 when you finish by saying that you know what you are getting into. If you truly thought about everything that marriage entails, then you would at least understand your parents misgivings on the situation.

Answer 6

You know, I was 22 when I got married last year. I had moved in with my fiance two years before. I don't know which was harder for them. They love my husband, but it's still my parents and I'm still their daughter. They have a hard time letting go. Your parents might just be afraid that you won't continue your education or maybe things won't work out for you. People do change as they get older. Not to say that you two won't make it though. Cause you might.

Just have a sit down with them and tell them exactly how you feel. You want them to be part of your life and your wedding and you want to be treated as an adult.

Good luck either way.

Answer 7

First, Congradulations. You sound like you are one of those lucky people, to have found the love of your life, so young. Your parents are just being cautious. Deep down they want the best for you, and don't want to see you get hurt. But truthfully, this is your life and you can make your own mistakes, not to say that this is a mistake, but there will be mistakes. Have you ever dated another guy? Do you and your man fight or argue alot? Have you ever taken a trip together that involved a lot of time together? or been confined to a small space for a lengthy time? I am glad to hear you are doing counceling with your church, that shows maturity. The saving of money shows commitment and dedication to the cause. I would ask, have you thought about what you will need to be married? not just possessions. Where will you live? Does he want to continue his education? if so, who will bring in the money to support the both of you during your time in school? Is he going to always be the sole provider in the house? Will you be putting all of your money together? and if so, what happens when he goes out and buys something for himself? will you guys always discuss your purchases prior to buying? What if you want a new dress, don't need, but want, will he be mad that you spent that say $50 on a dress you don't need and he couldn't buy that new fishing rod? I am just trying to show you things that you need to sort out now. I married young, and yes he was the love of my life, but, he liked to spend all of our money on himself, so we split up our money, well then he never had money and we never went anywhere without deciding who would pay first. It was a big strain on our relationship. He always spent his money on guy things, and never the house or car, or new furniture. The house became my responsiblity, so when we divorced 8 yrs later, he had nothing to take with him. I had paid for everything. I of course gave him some things to get him started, but it was a big wake up call to him. We are good friends now, talk every few months, and he has told me more than once that he was a bad husband. I will not say i was perfect, but the neglect was hard. Is your guy going to still have time to spend with you, because that really becomes difficult to find when you live with someone. You either never see each other, or you stop doing things together. Are you going to split the bills 50/50 ? Are you going to buy a house, and have him pay the morgage while you pay for everything else? You should discuss bills, must haves, vehicles, large money items, how are they going to work? This is not the 60's where women were treated with respect, and the man paid everything and the wife did everything to take care of the family and home. This is by far not the 70's when women faught to be men's equals. Where is your relationship going to be? What about children? when? how many? what religion? what disaplin? and pets? How many? what kind? and how is responsible for their needs?
I truly feel that these are important issues to discuss. If you can agree on all of this and anything else that is suggested to consider, well then, you are going to have a great marriage.
Just remember that guys decide they need their "guy nites" and go to strip clubs, and bars to get drunk, these are the not fun nights for the girls. I deal with this in my present relationship, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

Your best bet in getting them to understand is to understand their concerns. Most good parents do not want their daughters married at 18 years old. There are many reasons for this and everybody is entitled to have an opinion, especially Mom and Dad. Their opinion may be different than yours but that doesn't mean either you or they are wrong or right. Find out what their concerns are and understand what they are thinking. Listen to what they are saying and don't put words in their mouths. Do not present your side or begin to make your points to them till after hearing all of their thoughts and concerns. Take a couple of days to digest and think over what they have said to you and then approach them. Tell them you have thought over their concerns very carefully and respect their views. Then share your thoughts with them in a clear, honest, mature and non-judgemental manner always respecting them and appreiciating their views and their love for you. You sound like an intelligent girl and if your approach them in an intelligent manner things will go much better for you and them. Remember that because you and they may not agree on certian things this does not make you or them the bad guy. Good luck and consider what I have said here. It may not be the quick and easy solution but it is the best for you and your family.

Answer 9

Listen the only reason your parents are concerned is that they truly do love you and care about you. They see the divorce rate in America today and is out of control,close to 60%. I understand you being young and all and want to marry this guy, but really can it wait until you have finished your college education and until you experience life more. Marriage is a very hard thing. Living with someone on a daily basis is harder than you might think. With you both being so young, both of you are going to want to experience the college life, and your youth. Listen to your parents and be patient, marrying someone can come later, it really can. I promise you if you listen to your parents and make this decision after you have finished your college education you will never regret making that decision.

Answer 10

Parents always have a hard time seeing their " Little Girl " growing up and leaving the nest. They may feel guilty if something happened later on, that they would regret letting you get yourself into a situation as such, and therefore are losing hwat control they may feel they have.

You sound like you have made sure you have researched everything that your parents might have objected to and now they realize you could make it on your own without their help.

Let them know you would like their blessing and would want their support should you need it in case it didn't work out.

Reassure them they are not losing a daughter but gaining a great son-in-law with grandkids just around the corner.

That should put a smile on their faces................